Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Queen of Half-Done Projects
Maybe you know someone, besides me, that digs into projects only to get distracted and move on to another one before the first one is complete. I realized this morning that I am "the queen of half-done projects." Not a super-endearing term, and I wish I was different, but an honest statement about me.
Perhaps the statement popped into my head when I looked outside and saw the leaves that I raked out of the flower beds last week were still sitting in piles along the sidewalk and the edge of the grass. I did honestly want to pick them up last week, but when I walked over to the shed, I found the wheelbarrow was buried under multiple stiff hoses (my attempt last November to get everything inside while it was snowing). Rather than deal with that, I moved on to a different flower bed and made another pile. Then I started trimming back some 4-foot, gangly, *sharp* rose bushes that we are eventually going to pull out. Halfway through this project, I got some severe, stabbing stomach pain, so I came inside and took a nap in attempt to send the butcher knives packing. Needless to say, this rose bush project was left half done.
Another example might be the computer room. After months of working on wallpaper removal, I finally got it painted. In the midst of cleaning out the office, we tried to go through stuff to get rid of so we'd start the year more organized. As I sit here typing, the office is a mess again, I haven't kept up on filing like I wanted to, and I have a pack-rat problem, so I simply re-stacked some piles rather than going through them this winter.
I go into my bedroom and there are piles of clothes. Some for Goodwill, some from MIL for Conrad to go through, some of mine that are in skinny/fat limbo, etc. What I need to do is just go at it hard-core and bring Goodwill what is rightfully theirs, but that requires some organization, since I itemize things for a tax deduction.
I was telling a friend one time that as long as I keep my living room clean, I feel okay about things...I get overwhelmed about clutter, etc., I just go in there where it's organized to feel better for a moment. But there's a flaw even in this plan! Last night as I was dusting, I came across (again) the stack of VHS tapes from my highschool years where I taped shows. I should just toss them, but heaven forbid I throw away the ones with my favorite Dawson's Creek episode, or that one Felicity episode that I loved! Oh, Adriane, live does go on after teenage sitcoms. Not to mention, I could probably watch them on the internet now if I was feeling nostalgic and needed to revisit Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen.
Now, these are a few examples of the MANY I could have given. I don't know what to do to change. I have all these things I want to get in order before we start a family, so the ADHD trend will be stopped and the house can be orderly, but I must not want to change bad enough. There are times when I can see a project through, if I'm really excited about it. The mundane, difficult tasks are the ones that I easily move away from, knowing that some day, week, month, or year, it will still be waiting for some attention. Hmmmmmmmmm.
My name's Adriane, and I'm the Queen of Half-Done Projects.
Perhaps the statement popped into my head when I looked outside and saw the leaves that I raked out of the flower beds last week were still sitting in piles along the sidewalk and the edge of the grass. I did honestly want to pick them up last week, but when I walked over to the shed, I found the wheelbarrow was buried under multiple stiff hoses (my attempt last November to get everything inside while it was snowing). Rather than deal with that, I moved on to a different flower bed and made another pile. Then I started trimming back some 4-foot, gangly, *sharp* rose bushes that we are eventually going to pull out. Halfway through this project, I got some severe, stabbing stomach pain, so I came inside and took a nap in attempt to send the butcher knives packing. Needless to say, this rose bush project was left half done.
Another example might be the computer room. After months of working on wallpaper removal, I finally got it painted. In the midst of cleaning out the office, we tried to go through stuff to get rid of so we'd start the year more organized. As I sit here typing, the office is a mess again, I haven't kept up on filing like I wanted to, and I have a pack-rat problem, so I simply re-stacked some piles rather than going through them this winter.
I go into my bedroom and there are piles of clothes. Some for Goodwill, some from MIL for Conrad to go through, some of mine that are in skinny/fat limbo, etc. What I need to do is just go at it hard-core and bring Goodwill what is rightfully theirs, but that requires some organization, since I itemize things for a tax deduction.
I was telling a friend one time that as long as I keep my living room clean, I feel okay about things...I get overwhelmed about clutter, etc., I just go in there where it's organized to feel better for a moment. But there's a flaw even in this plan! Last night as I was dusting, I came across (again) the stack of VHS tapes from my highschool years where I taped shows. I should just toss them, but heaven forbid I throw away the ones with my favorite Dawson's Creek episode, or that one Felicity episode that I loved! Oh, Adriane, live does go on after teenage sitcoms. Not to mention, I could probably watch them on the internet now if I was feeling nostalgic and needed to revisit Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen.
Now, these are a few examples of the MANY I could have given. I don't know what to do to change. I have all these things I want to get in order before we start a family, so the ADHD trend will be stopped and the house can be orderly, but I must not want to change bad enough. There are times when I can see a project through, if I'm really excited about it. The mundane, difficult tasks are the ones that I easily move away from, knowing that some day, week, month, or year, it will still be waiting for some attention. Hmmmmmmmmm.
My name's Adriane, and I'm the Queen of Half-Done Projects.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Just Another Peaceful Night in the Country
So, I've always had this picture of "country living" as a peaceful lifestyle. No train noises, sirens blaring, horns honking, etc., etc.
However, since living in the country over the past few years, I've come to realize that there are different sounds that might keep a person from their beauty sleep. It could be the coyotes (we hear at least every other night), the woodpecker (darn spring, he's back again!), or the family of owls that lives in the backyard. I enjoy living in the midst of this wildlife, minus the coyotes, in the daytime. However, at night, when I'm trying to sleep, I swear the hooting owls are taunting me, just because they can. Don't they have something better to do than sit in one place all night and "hoot"? Then morning dawns, and the woodpecker wakes up. Ah...joy. Can't he sleep until at least 8 or 9, rather than wake up with the sun?! The nerve! I sleep with earplugs, but they barely muffle these sounds. Don't let this cute little owl fool you...he is NOT quiet and cuddly when he's living his nocturnal life.
Oh well, I guess I'll take the good with the bad. And I'll pray that someday, I can sleep in spite of the ruckus going on in the backyard.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Who Attends a Baby Shower??
I went to a baby shower over the weekend. It was for a friend that I first met when she was in my girls' cell group in college. We both go married and for probably 3 years, give or take?, we were in couples' cell group together. We continue to go to the same church, so I'll get to have her little guy in the nursery:) As I was sitting there, and on the way home, I was pondering the different types of people that may be at a baby shower. Every time you're in a group, you know that there are lots of journey's represented there. Let me explain:
1)The Happy Mother-to-be (or two, since I sat by another expectant mommy) who got pregnant in less than a month (or without trying at all), and is being blessed by her family and friends as she embarks on this new journey.
2)The Current Infertile, who sits through yet another baby shower, desperate for the day that everyone will gather for her's. I am so blessed to have so many caring people in my life, and I really am excited for my future baby shower, whenever that may come. I am grateful that God has brought me to a place where I can attend baby showers and not just sit quietly, choked up, and waiting for the time I can run to my car for a weeping session. I am SO happy for my friend, and for the other babies that are coming.
3)The Past Infertile, who sits at the table with her miracle daughter. There were two (that I know of) that were at the shower with their daughters, and I was reminded of God's faithfulness in both of their lives...zero to two children, each because of the power of prayer.
4)The 'Tweens and Teens, who watch with wonder as the guest of honor pulls out tiny little onesies, and who sits and daydreams about her future as a mommy. I remember baby showers when I was younger, and one just assumes that everyone will get pregnant (easily) and be a mommy. For these girls, I PRAY that their dreams will come true without heartache. But if not, I will be glad to testify to God's grace in my own life (and by then, I WILL have a baby one way or another!).
5)The Been There, Done That's, who offer sound advice to mommy-to-be, and smile while the cute outfit they got the baby is pulled out of the gift bag. They are happy to buy adorable little clothes, because they are reminiscent of a time when they cuddled their own cooing baby. They know what a blessing mommy-to-be is in store for, and are eager to welcome one more to the "mommy club."
I know that I missed a few. Maybe I'll come back to it later, but probably not...
1)The Happy Mother-to-be (or two, since I sat by another expectant mommy) who got pregnant in less than a month (or without trying at all), and is being blessed by her family and friends as she embarks on this new journey.
2)The Current Infertile, who sits through yet another baby shower, desperate for the day that everyone will gather for her's. I am so blessed to have so many caring people in my life, and I really am excited for my future baby shower, whenever that may come. I am grateful that God has brought me to a place where I can attend baby showers and not just sit quietly, choked up, and waiting for the time I can run to my car for a weeping session. I am SO happy for my friend, and for the other babies that are coming.
3)The Past Infertile, who sits at the table with her miracle daughter. There were two (that I know of) that were at the shower with their daughters, and I was reminded of God's faithfulness in both of their lives...zero to two children, each because of the power of prayer.
4)The 'Tweens and Teens, who watch with wonder as the guest of honor pulls out tiny little onesies, and who sits and daydreams about her future as a mommy. I remember baby showers when I was younger, and one just assumes that everyone will get pregnant (easily) and be a mommy. For these girls, I PRAY that their dreams will come true without heartache. But if not, I will be glad to testify to God's grace in my own life (and by then, I WILL have a baby one way or another!).
5)The Been There, Done That's, who offer sound advice to mommy-to-be, and smile while the cute outfit they got the baby is pulled out of the gift bag. They are happy to buy adorable little clothes, because they are reminiscent of a time when they cuddled their own cooing baby. They know what a blessing mommy-to-be is in store for, and are eager to welcome one more to the "mommy club."
I know that I missed a few. Maybe I'll come back to it later, but probably not...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Patrick's Breastplate
I bind unto myself today
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
I bind this day to me for ever.
By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;
His baptism in the Jordan river;
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb;
His riding up the heavenly way;
His coming at the day of doom;
I bind unto myself today.
I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of the cherubim;
The sweet 'well done' in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord,
And purity of virgin souls.
I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the starlit heaven,
The glorious sun's life-giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea,
Around the old eternal rocks.
I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, His shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.
Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.
Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.
I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.
What a great prayer! I highlighted my favorite part:) Christ wants to be wholly a part of our lives, and when we surrender to Him, amazing things can happen. God, help me to remember this and to be intentional daily to bind myself to you.
The strong Name of the Trinity,
By invocation of the same,
The Three in One and One in Three.
I bind this day to me for ever.
By power of faith, Christ's incarnation;
His baptism in the Jordan river;
His death on Cross for my salvation;
His bursting from the spicèd tomb;
His riding up the heavenly way;
His coming at the day of doom;
I bind unto myself today.
I bind unto myself the power
Of the great love of the cherubim;
The sweet 'well done' in judgment hour,
The service of the seraphim,
Confessors' faith, Apostles' word,
The Patriarchs' prayers, the Prophets' scrolls,
All good deeds done unto the Lord,
And purity of virgin souls.
I bind unto myself today
The virtues of the starlit heaven,
The glorious sun's life-giving ray,
The whiteness of the moon at even,
The flashing of the lightning free,
The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks,
The stable earth, the deep salt sea,
Around the old eternal rocks.
I bind unto myself today
The power of God to hold and lead,
His eye to watch, His might to stay,
His ear to hearken to my need.
The wisdom of my God to teach,
His hand to guide, His shield to ward,
The word of God to give me speech,
His heavenly host to be my guard.
Against the demon snares of sin,
The vice that gives temptation force,
The natural lusts that war within,
The hostile men that mar my course;
Or few or many, far or nigh,
In every place and in all hours,
Against their fierce hostility,
I bind to me these holy powers.
Against all Satan's spells and wiles,
Against false words of heresy,
Against the knowledge that defiles,
Against the heart's idolatry,
Against the wizard's evil craft,
Against the death wound and the burning,
The choking wave and the poisoned shaft,
Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.
Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.
I bind unto myself the Name,
The strong Name of the Trinity;
By invocation of the same.
The Three in One, and One in Three,
Of Whom all nature hath creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:
Praise to the Lord of my salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.
What a great prayer! I highlighted my favorite part:) Christ wants to be wholly a part of our lives, and when we surrender to Him, amazing things can happen. God, help me to remember this and to be intentional daily to bind myself to you.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Much, Much Better
Today's IUI went so much better than yesterday's. I was dreading it so bad, but God heard all your prayers for me and answered them:) Hopefully He'll answer the pregnancy ones soon, too!
I seem to have made a lasting impression on the office with my body's antics yesterday. The receptionist said, "wow, you have color today!", and when I was checking out she said they were all worried about me yesterday. The nurse pointed out to Conrad the drawer than held the barf bags. The doc said that the first day is usually worse than the second. The only thing that got me in for today's procedure (besides the deep desire to be a mommy) was thinking that there was no way in he** that I could feel any worse than I did yesterday. The most painful part of today was the fact that my cervix had PTSD so he had to get out some forceps in addition to the usual 8-inch long catheter. YIKES!! The cramping has been very minimal, thank God!
Every time I go, I'm reminded of why I'm switching doctors as soon as I get that BFP. Conrad is even more adamant about it than me. He is so unfriendly! Not rude, just not personable...at all. Today when we were talking about my day 20 clomid check, he told me he was going to be out of town next week. Enter me, trying to make small talk, "Going somewhere fun?" He gave Conrad and me about 20 seconds of an answer, which included us asking some more guiding questions after finding out he was going to a big basketball tourney in Indiana to watch his son. Since Conrad is totally into basketball I thought hmmmm...maybe we could make a *connection* or something. Nope. He was all too eager to walk out of that room. Whatever. Now I know why his former nurse that's an acquaintance of mine isn't missing her job (even though I miss having an ally there!).
Before today's more pleasant IUI experience, I was ready to give up trying any more IUIs because of the pain factor. I am kind of still ready to give it up, especially considering the obstacles we have, and the fact that IUI may not do the trick anyway. We won't be able to do IUI for the next 6-8 months because farming will be starting up hardcore, but even after that, I feel like we're wasting time, money, and pain. I am really hoping that I get a BFP in a couple of weeks. But, if not, I'm praying for a miracle baby conceived naturally, or miracle money to fund an in vitro attempt.
Thank you again to all my friends who support us in this journey. I would be [even more of] an emotional wreck without all of you:) So thankful for God's peace and the friendships He's granted Conrad and me.
I seem to have made a lasting impression on the office with my body's antics yesterday. The receptionist said, "wow, you have color today!", and when I was checking out she said they were all worried about me yesterday. The nurse pointed out to Conrad the drawer than held the barf bags. The doc said that the first day is usually worse than the second. The only thing that got me in for today's procedure (besides the deep desire to be a mommy) was thinking that there was no way in he** that I could feel any worse than I did yesterday. The most painful part of today was the fact that my cervix had PTSD so he had to get out some forceps in addition to the usual 8-inch long catheter. YIKES!! The cramping has been very minimal, thank God!
Every time I go, I'm reminded of why I'm switching doctors as soon as I get that BFP. Conrad is even more adamant about it than me. He is so unfriendly! Not rude, just not personable...at all. Today when we were talking about my day 20 clomid check, he told me he was going to be out of town next week. Enter me, trying to make small talk, "Going somewhere fun?" He gave Conrad and me about 20 seconds of an answer, which included us asking some more guiding questions after finding out he was going to a big basketball tourney in Indiana to watch his son. Since Conrad is totally into basketball I thought hmmmm...maybe we could make a *connection* or something. Nope. He was all too eager to walk out of that room. Whatever. Now I know why his former nurse that's an acquaintance of mine isn't missing her job (even though I miss having an ally there!).
Before today's more pleasant IUI experience, I was ready to give up trying any more IUIs because of the pain factor. I am kind of still ready to give it up, especially considering the obstacles we have, and the fact that IUI may not do the trick anyway. We won't be able to do IUI for the next 6-8 months because farming will be starting up hardcore, but even after that, I feel like we're wasting time, money, and pain. I am really hoping that I get a BFP in a couple of weeks. But, if not, I'm praying for a miracle baby conceived naturally, or miracle money to fund an in vitro attempt.
Thank you again to all my friends who support us in this journey. I would be [even more of] an emotional wreck without all of you:) So thankful for God's peace and the friendships He's granted Conrad and me.
Monday, March 14, 2011
IUI #5
I can't believe that it was already time again to do the IUI again...seems like I just had that experience. Does time fly for anyone else? Feels like Valentine's Day was just yesterday.
Out of the 5 times I've had the procedure, today was, by far, the worst--during and after. Cranky nurse was the one who started me out (weight, blood pressure, "do you want me to explain the process again?"--she's never done it in the first place). She did compliment my necklace, but that was the end of the friendliness. During the time the doctor was performing the procedure I wanted to scream and kick, but I tried to remain a lady (as much as one can while...well, you know). I just let out a few grunts and he knew he wasn't making me happy by the grimacing on my face. After he was done, he did the usual "I hope this works," while crossing his fingers, and leaving the room. Yeah, you better hope. :)
After the third and fourth wheel of our baby-making process left, I was literally beside myself in pain. I was so sweaty and hot that I soaked through that *thick* paper they roll out over the bed. Luckily, I had worn a tank top under a cardigan, so i could strip down even more than I was already. I've never felt butcher knives sinking into my gut and twisting, but I'm pretty sure this is how it would feel. Then came the nausea---yes! Luckily, Conrad had asked the nurse for a little cup since I accidentally left the water bottle in the car. Let's just say that little cup was put to work until the nurse (friendly one) could come in with a big red bag that read "infectious waste" down the sides of it. Nothing like being half dressed and puking in front of a stranger. At least it was the nice one, and she got me a cool wash cloth, which helped a lot.
After our 20 minutes of waiting post-IUI, she came in (probably to nicely boot us out of the room...we'd already tied it up for 50 minutes or so) and I told her I couldn't stand up. She helped me up and I made it long enough to get fully clothed, then had to sit again. I walked at a turtle's pace out of that room to schedule tomorrow's IUI. The receptionist said, "you're white as a sheet!". Yes, yes, I know I look amazing with my eyeliner running down my face and all my makeup washed off by the cool cloth (though at this point, I could care less about that!). I was going to go back to work, but once I got there, there was no way I could've stayed. I couldn't even stand up straight, nor did it feel any better to sit down. My co-workers are sooooo sweet to work around my infertility appointment schedule:)
Two high points from the experience: 1)Conrad took me to get a peanut butter cup shake from Arctic Circle (that helped A TON!), and 2)labor can't be anything near the pain I've experienced with all of the poking and prodding I've had done over the past year...bring it ON!
Oh yeah, I guess there's another high point...I could watch the 2-hour special (and hour long post-final rose ceremony show) of The Bachelor without feeling guilty about laying in one spot for 3 hours. Now that's what I call productivity.
Out of the 5 times I've had the procedure, today was, by far, the worst--during and after. Cranky nurse was the one who started me out (weight, blood pressure, "do you want me to explain the process again?"--she's never done it in the first place). She did compliment my necklace, but that was the end of the friendliness. During the time the doctor was performing the procedure I wanted to scream and kick, but I tried to remain a lady (as much as one can while...well, you know). I just let out a few grunts and he knew he wasn't making me happy by the grimacing on my face. After he was done, he did the usual "I hope this works," while crossing his fingers, and leaving the room. Yeah, you better hope. :)
After the third and fourth wheel of our baby-making process left, I was literally beside myself in pain. I was so sweaty and hot that I soaked through that *thick* paper they roll out over the bed. Luckily, I had worn a tank top under a cardigan, so i could strip down even more than I was already. I've never felt butcher knives sinking into my gut and twisting, but I'm pretty sure this is how it would feel. Then came the nausea---yes! Luckily, Conrad had asked the nurse for a little cup since I accidentally left the water bottle in the car. Let's just say that little cup was put to work until the nurse (friendly one) could come in with a big red bag that read "infectious waste" down the sides of it. Nothing like being half dressed and puking in front of a stranger. At least it was the nice one, and she got me a cool wash cloth, which helped a lot.
After our 20 minutes of waiting post-IUI, she came in (probably to nicely boot us out of the room...we'd already tied it up for 50 minutes or so) and I told her I couldn't stand up. She helped me up and I made it long enough to get fully clothed, then had to sit again. I walked at a turtle's pace out of that room to schedule tomorrow's IUI. The receptionist said, "you're white as a sheet!". Yes, yes, I know I look amazing with my eyeliner running down my face and all my makeup washed off by the cool cloth (though at this point, I could care less about that!). I was going to go back to work, but once I got there, there was no way I could've stayed. I couldn't even stand up straight, nor did it feel any better to sit down. My co-workers are sooooo sweet to work around my infertility appointment schedule:)
Two high points from the experience: 1)Conrad took me to get a peanut butter cup shake from Arctic Circle (that helped A TON!), and 2)labor can't be anything near the pain I've experienced with all of the poking and prodding I've had done over the past year...bring it ON!
Oh yeah, I guess there's another high point...I could watch the 2-hour special (and hour long post-final rose ceremony show) of The Bachelor without feeling guilty about laying in one spot for 3 hours. Now that's what I call productivity.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Samoas, UTIs, Cute little girls, and pills...
First of all, aren't Samoa Girl Scout cookies the best?! I am eating one right now, even though it's only 11 a.m. They're naughty and I never should've bought them, but I wanted to support my co-workers daughter--selfless, really.
The UTI is not my personal problem, but my little feline Gracie's. She's been beside herself for about 5 days now, and we were able to get her to a vet this morning. Conrad had to take her because I watched a friend's daughter overnight. I offered to take Gracie, and he could wake up with A, but he chose Gracie:) I guess he had a heck of a time at the office, and Conrad's scratced-up hand proves it. Gracie does not like unsolicited attention...especially a rectal thermometer. Poor thing! The vet also gave her a shot, and sent home some antibiotics we have to give her twice a day. That should be interesting.
Last night, I watched a friend's little girl. She's about 18 months old and an absolute doll! Conrad and I had fun with her...she's warming up to him and was playing with us both and smiling and laughing. Should've taken some pictures, but we were having too much fun! She is such a good little baby, and slept 11 hours straight (with only a few vocal squeals during the night). My friend is a single mom, due to circumstances outside of her control, and her soon-to-be-ex-husband is out of state so she really has no "break", so to speak, besides when she's at work. I admire her strength to make it through all of this commotion, and it's fun to watch her little girl grow up and bring such joy to people.
And lastly, the *fun* part of the month where I get to start my regimen of Clomid again. The doc upped by dose to 150mg and told me to take it cd 3-7 instead of 5-9 like I have been. He said the earlier start will give the eggs more of a chance to mature. Each increase also brings more of a chance of multiples, but since only one tube is open, it's not too likely, nor would I be opposed to twins. I'm not looking forward to another IUI, but you do what you gotta do, right? If it doesn't work this month, we'll probably stop doing anything under doctor supervision. The months that Conrad is farming he is so busy and it's hard to break away even for 4 hours during the day. Plus, after the March procedure, I will have used over half of what's available in my health savings account...so... I guess I'll just take it one day at a time, whether I like it or not.
The UTI is not my personal problem, but my little feline Gracie's. She's been beside herself for about 5 days now, and we were able to get her to a vet this morning. Conrad had to take her because I watched a friend's daughter overnight. I offered to take Gracie, and he could wake up with A, but he chose Gracie:) I guess he had a heck of a time at the office, and Conrad's scratced-up hand proves it. Gracie does not like unsolicited attention...especially a rectal thermometer. Poor thing! The vet also gave her a shot, and sent home some antibiotics we have to give her twice a day. That should be interesting.
Last night, I watched a friend's little girl. She's about 18 months old and an absolute doll! Conrad and I had fun with her...she's warming up to him and was playing with us both and smiling and laughing. Should've taken some pictures, but we were having too much fun! She is such a good little baby, and slept 11 hours straight (with only a few vocal squeals during the night). My friend is a single mom, due to circumstances outside of her control, and her soon-to-be-ex-husband is out of state so she really has no "break", so to speak, besides when she's at work. I admire her strength to make it through all of this commotion, and it's fun to watch her little girl grow up and bring such joy to people.
And lastly, the *fun* part of the month where I get to start my regimen of Clomid again. The doc upped by dose to 150mg and told me to take it cd 3-7 instead of 5-9 like I have been. He said the earlier start will give the eggs more of a chance to mature. Each increase also brings more of a chance of multiples, but since only one tube is open, it's not too likely, nor would I be opposed to twins. I'm not looking forward to another IUI, but you do what you gotta do, right? If it doesn't work this month, we'll probably stop doing anything under doctor supervision. The months that Conrad is farming he is so busy and it's hard to break away even for 4 hours during the day. Plus, after the March procedure, I will have used over half of what's available in my health savings account...so... I guess I'll just take it one day at a time, whether I like it or not.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Stuck
Excerpt from the book B12: Doses of Encouragement by Gail McWilliams:
About two years ago, Gail McWilliams spoke at a women's convention that I attended. She was phenomenal...to say the least. Not only did she struggle with a doctor's diagnosis of "You'll never be able to have children" (she has five, naturally born), but she's also dealt with a rare situation in pregnancy that made her eyes hemmorage every time she was pregnant, ultimately causing complete blindness. Her faith and humor touched me, and I ordered her book Seeing Beyond as soon as I got home. I ate it up, reading her vulnerable truths in a day. I gave it to my MIL, and she passed it on to her mom. This e-mail devotional I got from her was perfect for where I'm at today. I have to believe that every day plays a part in my future, in our future as a couple. None of this is in vain: another month of "trying" to have a baby by IUI, the opposition from family in building our farming operation, the people we are in contact with every day, etc. God has a plan. "God has a plan, and you are a part of it. You are very brave," heard at a Child Crisis Management Training.
May we all embrace every task and every day with excellence and expectancy.
(I'll post a video of her family's story. It will increase your faith...oh, and you might wanna grab a tissue.)
DAY 8: STUCK
You are not stuck, you have been strategically positioned for this hour. Embrace today and its variables, knowing it is adding to your resume and aiding in your upcoming promotion. Everything you have done is in preparation for this moment. Your day is more than just mere routine; it is essential training. Embrace every task with excellence and expectancy.
Psalm 32:8 (NLT)
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”
Question
How would your day change if you knew you had been positioned instead of being stuck?
May you see the value of where you are.
About two years ago, Gail McWilliams spoke at a women's convention that I attended. She was phenomenal...to say the least. Not only did she struggle with a doctor's diagnosis of "You'll never be able to have children" (she has five, naturally born), but she's also dealt with a rare situation in pregnancy that made her eyes hemmorage every time she was pregnant, ultimately causing complete blindness. Her faith and humor touched me, and I ordered her book Seeing Beyond as soon as I got home. I ate it up, reading her vulnerable truths in a day. I gave it to my MIL, and she passed it on to her mom. This e-mail devotional I got from her was perfect for where I'm at today. I have to believe that every day plays a part in my future, in our future as a couple. None of this is in vain: another month of "trying" to have a baby by IUI, the opposition from family in building our farming operation, the people we are in contact with every day, etc. God has a plan. "God has a plan, and you are a part of it. You are very brave," heard at a Child Crisis Management Training.
May we all embrace every task and every day with excellence and expectancy.
(I'll post a video of her family's story. It will increase your faith...oh, and you might wanna grab a tissue.)
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
A Little Bit of Encouragement
We've been trying to organize our office for years now:) and so today I've been going through some of my stuff. There are times when I read a Bible verse or see a quote i like, jot it down, and add it to the clutter so I can find it in a year when I'm attempting organization. Today, however, I'm going to post some of those encouragements so I can get rid of a few pieces of paper. Oh yeah, and I need some encouragement.
From Guideposts (submitted by readers, original authors unknown):
A prayer that I ripped out of somewhere, quite fitting:
From God's Word:
From Guideposts (submitted by readers, original authors unknown):
"Faith is the place between the way things are and the good that is sure to come."
"If your cup runneth over, set it in someone else's saucer."
"Joy is choosing to see the beauty and blessings no matter what comes our way in life. It doesn't disappear because of the circumstances. Happiness is circumstantial, but joy builds in your life over time." (Ed Young)
A prayer that I ripped out of somewhere, quite fitting:
"Lord, I want to accept the truth that You have given me everything I need. Whatever I face today, You have already provided the resources I need. Remind me that what I feel has no bearing on what You can do. Thank you not only for Your gift of a new relationship with You, but also for the amazing adventure of living life with you."
From God's Word:
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
"'I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations...'" Isaiah 42:6
Friday, February 25, 2011
Speechless
I can always tell when I may have come too close to the boundary line in my writing when I leave everyone *speechless*. That last post came out of frustration, and though it was a tamed-down version of what was actually going on in my head, I can see that it may come across as quite angry and hateful. Really, I'm neither.
I've mentioned before that I love my friends' kids, and count it a privilege to be a part of their lives as they grow up. I know I'm at the age where my peers are having families, and I'm not wishing everyone to have to deal with infertility. In fact, infertility is something I would not wish on even my worst enemy. However, there are a few times I have to check myself when I feel that little bit of jealousy creeping in. Just being honest.
It's like wanting something so bad, and seeing it all around you, and I mean ALL around. I've heard it compared to the desire to be married. Me going to 4 baby showers in the next 4 months is probably as hard as it is for a single person to go to 4 weddings in a summer. Sometimes its hard to understand why God has us wait for the good things in life. It's those times that all we can do is trust Him.
"I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
I've mentioned before that I love my friends' kids, and count it a privilege to be a part of their lives as they grow up. I know I'm at the age where my peers are having families, and I'm not wishing everyone to have to deal with infertility. In fact, infertility is something I would not wish on even my worst enemy. However, there are a few times I have to check myself when I feel that little bit of jealousy creeping in. Just being honest.
It's like wanting something so bad, and seeing it all around you, and I mean ALL around. I've heard it compared to the desire to be married. Me going to 4 baby showers in the next 4 months is probably as hard as it is for a single person to go to 4 weddings in a summer. Sometimes its hard to understand why God has us wait for the good things in life. It's those times that all we can do is trust Him.
"I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Ugh.
It's bed time, but I needed a quick vent. Quick background--when Conrad and I were dating, I had a mentor. She spoke so much into our dating life and into our future married life. We talked about all the hard stuff, and what it meant to be a godly wife. After we were married we met for another year or so. It was a hard adjustment for Conrad and me, but she assured me, "Adriane, you have a great marriage." I'm not the only one she played mentor to. Fast-forward 8 or so years. She leaves her pastor husband because she's had affairs and "hasn't loved him for the last 10 years" (BS), and moves to some po-dunk (sp?) town where she meets/moves in with an old boyfriend and gets married to him 4 months after the divorce is final. And now...
I just logged onto facebook, and I thought pregnancy announcements from young, happily married Christian friends were hard enough (but doable and exciting at the same time...). However, the one I saw tonight I was not prepared for. She's due at the end of August. I just about died. I'm sure her 19-year-old daughter did too. WHY?! This is when it's hard for me. I'm in a [relatively] young, secure, committed, Christian marriage that has potential for a great family. She's had her chance at a family (3 kids) and chose to walk away from it because she was selfish, and guess who's pregnant? Not me. Ugh.
On a brighter note, Conrad and I had dinner with about 15 close friends that we spent 2+ years of our life with doing a young married couples Bible study. We stopped going about 3 years ago due to our change in schedule/location. It was SOOOO great to see everyone. What a blessing that you can go years without deep interactions with others, and still pick up right where you left off! Something that struck me as "would've used to be hard" was the fact that I sat by 3 pregnant friends at one time, and there were about 8 of the *CUTEST* babies/kids running around, but I didn't have one time that I choked up. A year and a half ago, I would've left after an hour of fake smiling. God is definitely making me stronger and filling me with peace. Yay God!
I just logged onto facebook, and I thought pregnancy announcements from young, happily married Christian friends were hard enough (but doable and exciting at the same time...). However, the one I saw tonight I was not prepared for. She's due at the end of August. I just about died. I'm sure her 19-year-old daughter did too. WHY?! This is when it's hard for me. I'm in a [relatively] young, secure, committed, Christian marriage that has potential for a great family. She's had her chance at a family (3 kids) and chose to walk away from it because she was selfish, and guess who's pregnant? Not me. Ugh.
On a brighter note, Conrad and I had dinner with about 15 close friends that we spent 2+ years of our life with doing a young married couples Bible study. We stopped going about 3 years ago due to our change in schedule/location. It was SOOOO great to see everyone. What a blessing that you can go years without deep interactions with others, and still pick up right where you left off! Something that struck me as "would've used to be hard" was the fact that I sat by 3 pregnant friends at one time, and there were about 8 of the *CUTEST* babies/kids running around, but I didn't have one time that I choked up. A year and a half ago, I would've left after an hour of fake smiling. God is definitely making me stronger and filling me with peace. Yay God!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day (last week...)
I don't know why I go in spurts of blogging, but I do:) I can't imagine why I didn't write about the most awesome Valentine's date ever before now, but better late than never, right?
It all started with a positive ovulation test on Monday morning. I had suspected it was going to be that day, and had warned my boss on Friday that I may need a long lunch break on Monday since we were back on financial track for doing the IUI procedure again. She was totally fine with it, saying, "you know we're all behind you on this."
I called and got an appointment, hung up, and started over-analyzing like I often do. This time, however, it was good that I did...When we did the procedure in November, the floater nurse had said, "you can collect at home, as long as you're here within an hour." Okay, well that would certainly be more comfortable for all involved and Conrad wouldn't have to break away from his project, but I had a gut feeling that an hour was quite long to wait if I wanted the little guys to be super mobile:) I called the secretary back, explained the situation and what the nurse had said, and she said,"oh no, you need to be here in at least 20 minutes." I'm glad I asked! We live 30 minutes away, so it would've probably been a dud IUI, a waste of time/pain/money. Anyway...I followed my heart, so Conrad and I headed up to Poky for our Valentine's date with Dr.C. and grumpy nurse (another floater...). So romantic, it all was...
So besides some MAJOR pain during the actual procedure, Monday went relatively well. I had to go back to work after our appointment, but only for a few hours. That night, we did what any 80-year-old couple would do on Valentine's night--wore our loose sweats (complete with a heated rice pack permanently attached to my lower abdomen), ate frozen pizza, and held hands while watching a movie:)
Tuesday went better during the procedure, but afterward was way more painful. And, even though it was my day off, we had a full afternoon/evening complete with meeting with our accountant and attending a dinner put on by an organization we are a part of that's tied to farming. I wished I would've brought a heating pad...
The rest of the week was better than November when we did the first IUI attempts, I just took it easy and didn't let my heated rice pack get out of my sight! Any prayers you could send my way this next little while would be greatly appreciated...if it's gonna work this month, implantation would be happening as we speak, and I'll know within about a week.
It all started with a positive ovulation test on Monday morning. I had suspected it was going to be that day, and had warned my boss on Friday that I may need a long lunch break on Monday since we were back on financial track for doing the IUI procedure again. She was totally fine with it, saying, "you know we're all behind you on this."
I called and got an appointment, hung up, and started over-analyzing like I often do. This time, however, it was good that I did...When we did the procedure in November, the floater nurse had said, "you can collect at home, as long as you're here within an hour." Okay, well that would certainly be more comfortable for all involved and Conrad wouldn't have to break away from his project, but I had a gut feeling that an hour was quite long to wait if I wanted the little guys to be super mobile:) I called the secretary back, explained the situation and what the nurse had said, and she said,"oh no, you need to be here in at least 20 minutes." I'm glad I asked! We live 30 minutes away, so it would've probably been a dud IUI, a waste of time/pain/money. Anyway...I followed my heart, so Conrad and I headed up to Poky for our Valentine's date with Dr.C. and grumpy nurse (another floater...). So romantic, it all was...
So besides some MAJOR pain during the actual procedure, Monday went relatively well. I had to go back to work after our appointment, but only for a few hours. That night, we did what any 80-year-old couple would do on Valentine's night--wore our loose sweats (complete with a heated rice pack permanently attached to my lower abdomen), ate frozen pizza, and held hands while watching a movie:)
Tuesday went better during the procedure, but afterward was way more painful. And, even though it was my day off, we had a full afternoon/evening complete with meeting with our accountant and attending a dinner put on by an organization we are a part of that's tied to farming. I wished I would've brought a heating pad...
The rest of the week was better than November when we did the first IUI attempts, I just took it easy and didn't let my heated rice pack get out of my sight! Any prayers you could send my way this next little while would be greatly appreciated...if it's gonna work this month, implantation would be happening as we speak, and I'll know within about a week.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Break from the Cold--Tucson, February 2011
We just got back from luxury at the La Paloma Resort in Tucson, Arizona. It's set up against the Catalina Mountains and looks over the city, and is surrounded by a beautiful golf course set in natural desert habitat. It was definitely a place we wouldn't go on our own (SUPER expensive), but we *had* to because that's where the convention was and our way was mostly paid...darnit.
Conrad had quite a few meetings (we went for the American Sugarbeet Growers' Association annual conference), but we also had lots of time to relax. The 50* weather swing was much appreciated. Luckily, it warmed up more and more as our time went on in Arizona. A few days before we got there, they set records for coldest temperatures...the cacti weren't thrilled, in fact some were limp noodles:( 
We stayed at a 5-star resort, which was very nice. There was a super nice golf course, and Conrad made the most of it, playing 3 games of golf during the 4 full days we were there. One day, there was a Scramble for the conference attendees, and Conrad played on a team with his sister, dad, and a sweet lady we know from home. They did well, getting 3rd or 4th. Not too shabby on a difficult course and competing against a lot of teams! We enjoyed lots of great food, as well as laying out by the pool, and soaking in one of the three hottubs every night. We kind of got used to the luxury!!
Friday, February 04, 2011
Warm Weather, Here I Come!!
Conrad and I are heading to Tucson, AZ today. He is going because of an American Sugar Beet Convention, but I am going to get away from reality:) It's been in the low teens here, and Tucson is supposed to be in the low 70s...ahhhhhh. I might get online while I'm there if they have a business center (they should...it's a 5-star resort), but I may also be too busy soaking in the rays. Please say a quick prayer for Conrad and me, as we are both very sick with colds...violent coughing fits, chills, snot galore...it's a gnarly one. Thanks, all!
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
2 Margaritas to *Celebrate* our 3-Year Anniversary
The arrival of Aunt Flow yesterday marked the 3-year anniversary of Conrad and me trying to become parents. Thirty-six months that I've longed to have the hope of 1)seeing two lines on a pregnancy test, 2)feeling a baby move inside of me, and 3)seeing a sweet little face look up at me.
On Sunday, I had a hard time concentrating in church at first because I could feel the impending doom of AF's arrival (cramps for 3 days before she actually shows up, how nice...). It took a while for me to stop obsessing over the fact that if things had gone how Conrad and I had planned, we'd have a two-year-old (or a 1 year old, or a 1 month old...). Finally, I was able to get over myself and focus on God, and listen to the message on prayer. I'll blog more about that later...the series (which included a special speaker for 4 services) has been excellent.
Tonight, Conrad and I went to eat out with a gift card I got from work for Christmas. We had to go to the "big" city to drop off the rest of our financial information to our accountant and run a few errands, so we took the chance for a nice dinner out. We went before 6:00, so not only did they have a yummy specials menu, but they also had $2 margaritas. Well, better have two:) Just cuz I can. I was going to have Conrad take a commemorative anniversary picture of me with my drink, but of all the times to forget my camera! You'll just have to imagine it... It was a great date with my man.
On Sunday, I had a hard time concentrating in church at first because I could feel the impending doom of AF's arrival (cramps for 3 days before she actually shows up, how nice...). It took a while for me to stop obsessing over the fact that if things had gone how Conrad and I had planned, we'd have a two-year-old (or a 1 year old, or a 1 month old...). Finally, I was able to get over myself and focus on God, and listen to the message on prayer. I'll blog more about that later...the series (which included a special speaker for 4 services) has been excellent.
Tonight, Conrad and I went to eat out with a gift card I got from work for Christmas. We had to go to the "big" city to drop off the rest of our financial information to our accountant and run a few errands, so we took the chance for a nice dinner out. We went before 6:00, so not only did they have a yummy specials menu, but they also had $2 margaritas. Well, better have two:) Just cuz I can. I was going to have Conrad take a commemorative anniversary picture of me with my drink, but of all the times to forget my camera! You'll just have to imagine it... It was a great date with my man.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Catching Up with Jack and Gracie
My kids are almost 3, and I realized that I haven't posted any pictures of them lately. They don't pose much in the winter, because they're always trying to keep warm. I tried to take a few with my Santa hat, but they wouldn't cooperate very well. Both so serious!! The one of Jack on the couch came after he got into the house while we were hauling in firewood and he started getting comfortable. He rearranged the throw pillows and made himself right at home, just staring at me when I noticed him, pleading please, please don't make me leave this spot.!
Christmas Tree Bonfire
The second weekend of January, the forest rangers at Massacre Rocks State Park organize a Christmas Tree Bonfire. This was the first year we've gone, and we had some friends that came along with us. There's a drop-off place in town where people bring their discarded trees...the same ones that they dressed up a month before for a beautiful Christmas backdrop and a home for the lovely gifts. People are also welcome to bring their own tree to throw into the bonfire. The admission is 2 cans of food per person, a small price to pay for hotdogs, homemade chili, and hot chocolate. Not to mention the warmest, biggest fire you've ever seen!
At the bonfire there was the pile of trees waiting to be thrown in with wishes, about 50 feet away from the fire. The rangers were getting "guests" to throw in the trees and make a wish. Most people did it with a person on each end, throwing it in on "...3!". Conrad and Brandon got the idea about launching it like a javelin. It was cracking Susan and me up...those tough guys! Everyone watched as these crazy guys showed off. It was pretty funny. 
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Thoughts on Prayer
Our pastor has been doing a series on prayer since the beginning of January. It's been pretty convicting, and also encouraging. God wants to hear from me and from all His children...He's longing to work in and through us. We must lay down our agenda, and pray for the will/glory/purposes of the Father. Satan wants us to whine and focus on ourselves, but it's not about us! This is a verse from John 9:1-3 that speaks to the fact that God uses situations in our lives to bring glory to himself, ane sometimes that means that situations happen that we don't understand;
Also, Pastor posed the question, "If we don't do it, will it get done?" This also spoke to me. Will my disobedience allow something bad to happen, or not allow something great to happen?? God, help me to be obedient to you and to pray fervently for those situations I am allowed to have insight to. Ezekiel 22:30 spoke to me;
Lastly, he talked about the importance of a relationship with the Father and how the deeper relationship we have, the greater the authority in prayer. I know I definitely need to build my relationship more and more with God, so I can move from panic and fear to faith. God loves me, and the question is settled about whether or not He's going to take care of me. Now, to put this all to action...God help me!
"As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been blind from birth. 'Rabbi,' his disciples asked him, 'why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins for his parents' sins?'
'It was not because of his sins or his parents' sins,' Jesus answered. 'This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.'"
Also, Pastor posed the question, "If we don't do it, will it get done?" This also spoke to me. Will my disobedience allow something bad to happen, or not allow something great to happen?? God, help me to be obedient to you and to pray fervently for those situations I am allowed to have insight to. Ezekiel 22:30 spoke to me;
"'I looked for someone who might rebuild the wall of righteousness that guards the land. I searched for someone to stand in the gap in the wall so I wouldn't have to destroy the land, but I found no one.'"
Lastly, he talked about the importance of a relationship with the Father and how the deeper relationship we have, the greater the authority in prayer. I know I definitely need to build my relationship more and more with God, so I can move from panic and fear to faith. God loves me, and the question is settled about whether or not He's going to take care of me. Now, to put this all to action...God help me!
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