a lot on my mind...
here's post #2 in one day...lucky you! i have had a lot on my mind lately and need to get some of it out, so you, if you choose to receive it, will be the recipients of my babble. so, my last day at work is coming up...dec. 4th. i've been looking forward to this day, but this weekend there had been a constant battle in my head about my decision. am i being selfish for not wanting to keep working?? should i at least work till i'm substantially pregnant?? have i done all God meant for me to do there?? what is conrad's family thinking about my decision?? should we have gone forward with buying this new house when we can live in the one we're in for free (strings attached, so not really "free")?? etc. etc. etc. conrad is great. last night when i told him my thoughts he said, "haven't we already made this decision?" i wish my mind was so cut and dry. i often wonder if we heard God wrong when he told us november was my month to be done working and to go ahead with the house. i hate second-guessing these things. it's driving me batty!!! i keep thinking i can keep working cuz i haven't told my clients yet and my boss would love to have me stay. but i don't want to undermine God and His plans. i try to focus on the pros--more time with conrad, not commuting in winter, God telling me "this is going to be our time", God blessing the wheat market wich would be excellent financially which would blow us away with blessing, etc. but the cons are blaring and i'm struggle to escape them. no paycheck every 2 weeks, identity as a "social worker" career woman dying, conrad's family looking at me in disdain, etc. etc. conrad tells me not to worry about what his family thinks "it's not their decision" but it's hard. especially with his sister and husband home. she just grills conrad about how we're going to buy the house. it's come up "why doesn't adriane help on the farm more?" his family doesn't really go by God's plans, which has left an emptiness in identity, unhappiness in marriages, and on and on. i just realize how much conrad and i are "aliens" in a sense even in his family's world, even though they call themselves christians. i have little in common with them, esp. his immediate family and after we hang out run through conversations over and over in my head about things i should have said. God, help me to be bold when i need to be!!! i could go on and on, i guarantee you, but i will let you all off the hook now:) please pray for peace. i know God's plans are better than my own, even though it's hard to trust at times. i keep thinking...if we had our way, we'd have a baby right now or soon. how long are we going to have to wait? when is our relationship with his family going to improve...is it?? there are things that make me want to cut all ties except for holidays/b-days. i hate feeling like this...sometimes i very much dislike what's going on in my head...about time for me to read battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer. this has got to stop. okay, i'm done. for now.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
black friday...
i was going to post pics but since i'm at the library using the internet, it's not going to happen...oh well. pooh and i decided to do our usual black friday shopping this year...and for the second year, we've gone with our kindred spirit shopping buddy susan. when the alarm went off at 3:30a.m., i got up right away, ready to join the other crazies out in the community, hunting bargains. we didn't have anything too major...no tvs or gaming systems, etc., but there was quite a bit of little things we wanted to pick up. luckily, jcpenney opened at 4:00 so we could stagger our shopping, since a lot of stores opened at 5. we picked susan up at 4:05 and were on our way to the mall. we walked quickly toward the "fake" magic bullets that were only going to cost us $12.88. score! we wandered around a bit after that, since no where else was open. we decided to go to shopko next, since we were already at the mall and weren't meeting steph at FM till 5:30. we stood in a civilized line, probably about 50 feet out from the entrance to the store, about 3 people wide. after 10 minutes, the door opened and what was an organized line turned into a mad dash into the store...it was either be trampled or sprint...we chose the latter. picked up a few CHEAP items and stood in the line that only got longer after us...snaking through the whole front aisle section of the store. luckily we were fast, despite the crazy lady chasing us with a cart after giving another fellow shopper a flat tire when she ran into his ankles! FM is always my favorite place on black friday. we met up with steph (you go girl!) who decided to join the crazies before work. we got lots of items 1/2 off and then decided it was safe to take a few minutes off the shopping floor to grab some free donuts. yum! found lots of stuff for my home (rubbermaid food containers, fluffy red beautiful blanket, not to mention socks, slippers, etc. for 50% off!). my mom told us to buy what we wanted and she'd pay us back and make it christmas gifts. this made shopping fun since my cash envelopes for the month are empty! we headed to the mall and went to a few different stores. found some great buys and took a break for mrs. powells till steph had to head to work. met up with pooh's old moscow roomie sarah. shopped some more. and some more. and some more. went to shoe carnival (i swore i'd never go in again, but found some nice shoes for conrad) and tjmaxx where i found some beautiful candle holders for my new house. decided it was time for lunch and went to craigos0--all you can eat salad, pasta, pizza bar. yum!! even better with a $4.99 coupon. we thought we'd call it a day and separated from sarah, ready to go take a snooze...i had a baby shower at 2. however.......on our way past goodwill, i remembered the 50% off everything sign i'd seen and we spent about 45 mins. in there. i was late to the baby shower, but luckily it was running on "African time" so i was actually early, in a sense, when i arrived at 2:15. i found a nice big coffee table for $12.50, as well as a lot of other misc. items. all in all, a FUN day. didn't cause any fights, but heard about one from a clerk about ladies fighting over a blender. my dad said someone in arkansas got killed. people are a little too hardcore for me!!! it was fun to hang out and just go with the flow, finding some good bargains. i slept like a wee babe last night........ can't wait for next year!!
i was going to post pics but since i'm at the library using the internet, it's not going to happen...oh well. pooh and i decided to do our usual black friday shopping this year...and for the second year, we've gone with our kindred spirit shopping buddy susan. when the alarm went off at 3:30a.m., i got up right away, ready to join the other crazies out in the community, hunting bargains. we didn't have anything too major...no tvs or gaming systems, etc., but there was quite a bit of little things we wanted to pick up. luckily, jcpenney opened at 4:00 so we could stagger our shopping, since a lot of stores opened at 5. we picked susan up at 4:05 and were on our way to the mall. we walked quickly toward the "fake" magic bullets that were only going to cost us $12.88. score! we wandered around a bit after that, since no where else was open. we decided to go to shopko next, since we were already at the mall and weren't meeting steph at FM till 5:30. we stood in a civilized line, probably about 50 feet out from the entrance to the store, about 3 people wide. after 10 minutes, the door opened and what was an organized line turned into a mad dash into the store...it was either be trampled or sprint...we chose the latter. picked up a few CHEAP items and stood in the line that only got longer after us...snaking through the whole front aisle section of the store. luckily we were fast, despite the crazy lady chasing us with a cart after giving another fellow shopper a flat tire when she ran into his ankles! FM is always my favorite place on black friday. we met up with steph (you go girl!) who decided to join the crazies before work. we got lots of items 1/2 off and then decided it was safe to take a few minutes off the shopping floor to grab some free donuts. yum! found lots of stuff for my home (rubbermaid food containers, fluffy red beautiful blanket, not to mention socks, slippers, etc. for 50% off!). my mom told us to buy what we wanted and she'd pay us back and make it christmas gifts. this made shopping fun since my cash envelopes for the month are empty! we headed to the mall and went to a few different stores. found some great buys and took a break for mrs. powells till steph had to head to work. met up with pooh's old moscow roomie sarah. shopped some more. and some more. and some more. went to shoe carnival (i swore i'd never go in again, but found some nice shoes for conrad) and tjmaxx where i found some beautiful candle holders for my new house. decided it was time for lunch and went to craigos0--all you can eat salad, pasta, pizza bar. yum!! even better with a $4.99 coupon. we thought we'd call it a day and separated from sarah, ready to go take a snooze...i had a baby shower at 2. however.......on our way past goodwill, i remembered the 50% off everything sign i'd seen and we spent about 45 mins. in there. i was late to the baby shower, but luckily it was running on "African time" so i was actually early, in a sense, when i arrived at 2:15. i found a nice big coffee table for $12.50, as well as a lot of other misc. items. all in all, a FUN day. didn't cause any fights, but heard about one from a clerk about ladies fighting over a blender. my dad said someone in arkansas got killed. people are a little too hardcore for me!!! it was fun to hang out and just go with the flow, finding some good bargains. i slept like a wee babe last night........ can't wait for next year!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
my "kids"...
since i don't have any biological children yet, conrad and i tease about our kittens (almost cats now!!) being our "kids". jack and gracie LOVE to play when we are working outside. conrad was helping me dig my bulbs up last sunday when our "kids" decided to "help" us. they enjoy getting in the way of the shovel, laying on the fresh dirt right in the way, and chasing the prongs of the rake. i also discovered that jack likes to be buried in leaves!! he was so cute and the only reason his face is showing is because i wanted the picture to actually show him, not just a mound of leaves. gracie does not prefer being buried alive under leaves and was not standing for my kodak moment. after the pics, however, she went over to an existing pile of leaves and started tunneling through it. crazy girl.
on tuesday morning, i got quite emotional when i came 2 seconds from watching a coyote eat jack. i'm NOT exaggerating. they were 8-10 feet apart from each other and the only reason the coyote ran away was because i was screaming like a wild woman. last night when i got home, i got gracie in for the night but jack was being a turd. i left him out for a few minutes while i put groceries away, cuz usually he realizes his sister is in and wants to be with her. not last night. i went out for my second round of "chase jack around the yard" and heard yipping coyotes over by the equipment shed jack and gracie hang out around during the day. i couldn't find jack, though i'd seen him just minutes earlier, and started freaking out again. i started praying for jack and after a few minutes, jack came running toward me, oblivious to the predators lurking 1/16th mile away and obviously on the prowl. instead of his usual i'll let you get this close and then run away he actually plopped down on the ground for a belly rub. i snatched him up and put him in the porch area with gracie, happy my "kids" were safe!! all this to say, i love my cats...and i know it will be crazy to see how much more i feel about my real kids someday. pets are God's gift to us:) and until i have a real kid to talk about, you'll all have to deal with these "kid" stories:)
since i don't have any biological children yet, conrad and i tease about our kittens (almost cats now!!) being our "kids". jack and gracie LOVE to play when we are working outside. conrad was helping me dig my bulbs up last sunday when our "kids" decided to "help" us. they enjoy getting in the way of the shovel, laying on the fresh dirt right in the way, and chasing the prongs of the rake. i also discovered that jack likes to be buried in leaves!! he was so cute and the only reason his face is showing is because i wanted the picture to actually show him, not just a mound of leaves. gracie does not prefer being buried alive under leaves and was not standing for my kodak moment. after the pics, however, she went over to an existing pile of leaves and started tunneling through it. crazy girl.
on tuesday morning, i got quite emotional when i came 2 seconds from watching a coyote eat jack. i'm NOT exaggerating. they were 8-10 feet apart from each other and the only reason the coyote ran away was because i was screaming like a wild woman. last night when i got home, i got gracie in for the night but jack was being a turd. i left him out for a few minutes while i put groceries away, cuz usually he realizes his sister is in and wants to be with her. not last night. i went out for my second round of "chase jack around the yard" and heard yipping coyotes over by the equipment shed jack and gracie hang out around during the day. i couldn't find jack, though i'd seen him just minutes earlier, and started freaking out again. i started praying for jack and after a few minutes, jack came running toward me, oblivious to the predators lurking 1/16th mile away and obviously on the prowl. instead of his usual i'll let you get this close and then run away he actually plopped down on the ground for a belly rub. i snatched him up and put him in the porch area with gracie, happy my "kids" were safe!! all this to say, i love my cats...and i know it will be crazy to see how much more i feel about my real kids someday. pets are God's gift to us:) and until i have a real kid to talk about, you'll all have to deal with these "kid" stories:)
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