I can always tell when I may have come too close to the boundary line in my writing when I leave everyone *speechless*. That last post came out of frustration, and though it was a tamed-down version of what was actually going on in my head, I can see that it may come across as quite angry and hateful. Really, I'm neither.
I've mentioned before that I love my friends' kids, and count it a privilege to be a part of their lives as they grow up. I know I'm at the age where my peers are having families, and I'm not wishing everyone to have to deal with infertility. In fact, infertility is something I would not wish on even my worst enemy. However, there are a few times I have to check myself when I feel that little bit of jealousy creeping in. Just being honest.
It's like wanting something so bad, and seeing it all around you, and I mean ALL around. I've heard it compared to the desire to be married. Me going to 4 baby showers in the next 4 months is probably as hard as it is for a single person to go to 4 weddings in a summer. Sometimes its hard to understand why God has us wait for the good things in life. It's those times that all we can do is trust Him.
"I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
4 comments:
I don't think you get to close to any boundary--I just don't have any words for our mutual formal mentor, you know? I'm still in shock over everything she's done, this is just another pound of icing on the cake, and I am, like you said, speechless. Don't know what to say other than, um......wow.
It's hard to know what to say to you as well sometimes--there are no words that can truly acknowledge your struggle and pain. I'm glad you write about it and that you share it with us--through it I feel a part of your life and your struggle and can wrestle in prayer with you and for you. Love you.
forgive my misspelling of 'too'!!! Pet peeve of mine.
thanks for the reassurance...i don't wanna just "puke" on my blog and repulse anyone... :)
I second what Em said... I just didn't have words to say about the situation because it still catches me off guard. Oh, heres to my hope of not having half a dozen weddings to attend this summer ;)
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