A New Addition to our Family

Sophie


10 weeks old tomorrow, though this pic was taken at 8 weeks, 1 day. She's a cutie, huh? We are still getting used to having a puppy...potty training, etc. Our cats are less than thrilled about the new addition, but they are tolerating her better now than when we first got her. Conrad's wanted a black lab since we got married, so we now have one. She will be his companion in the pick-up, on the tractor, etc., etc. For now, however, I am her main trainer and we have good days and bad days. Oh well, such is life. She's lovable, though, so I can't stay mad at her too long. Unless of course she licks my lips with her tongue full of cat poop she just retrieved from the litter box. That one took a few days.

Let Me Take It...

Throughout our 3+ years TTC, I have been grateful that I have never had to endure a miscarriage. Though the silent grief of infertility rages on, I think that knowing that I actually was able to get pregnant, but then losing the baby might rip my soul out whole. I know a lot of infertility stories hold a baby, or two, or three, that will not be known here on earth, but is waiting in Heaven.

A few weeks ago, I heard of a close friend trying to give her adorable toddler a sibling losing a baby. My heart was instantly broken. I couldn't call her right at the moment because I was on vacation celebrating my Grandma's 90th birthday. I got some alone time the next day and called her. She didn't answer, so I left a message...a message that I barely squeaked out through the knot in my throat. Who knows what would've happened if she had answered...she'd probably be comforting me!!

I saw her at church the next week and she thanked me for the message. I was in the nursery that week (the answer's yes, before you ask if it's hard to work nursery while TTC and everyone's asking "When?", and newcomers asking "which one's yours?"), and held it together when we hugged. I told Conrad about it later and couldn't keep from crying.

Then comes yesterday. She started talking about a babyshower she went to for a friend's baby due in Nov. She talked about how hard it was because the small group went for pedis and lunch, and it was all baby talk between the guest of honor, one girl ready to pop, and the last just finding out. Just hearing her talk about her experience gripped my heart and I literally could've burst into tears had we not been in a *very* public place. All I could think was No! I'm experiencing these crazy childless grieving emotions so none of my friends will have to, and now she's been having to war with them...not fair. I want it. I will take it. Please, just let my friends be.

No Announcement

Contrary to popular belief, my prolonged absence from the blow world has not been due to my *surprise* announcement that I didn't want to let slip. No, no. I wish it was. You have no idea how I long to jump on here one day and announce that Conrad and I are going to have a baby.

My sporadic appearances have simply been a mix between not having anything *new* to say/report and being caught up in summer.

Since last spring, whenever people have asked me what our next route is for overcoming infertility, I've said (and yes, I was being completely honest) "I don't know, we are going to address it next fall when Conrad is done with harvest." This has been a safe answer. However, as beet harvest will be wrapping up in less than a month (God-willing), I am feeling the pressure to have a plan.

No one's putting pressure on me but myself. What should we do? Where should we go next? Should we schedule an appointment with a fertility specialist (3 hours away)? Do we even have the money to be addressing IVF? Do we look into accupuncture therapy? Do we look into surgeries to correct the problems and hope they actually work? Do we pursue the adoption route? Do we simply "be still..." and wait for God to do a miracle?

What I wouldn't give to see writing on the wall.

I Remember...

This picture was taken when I visited Ground Zero.

(sorry about the date stamp...still haven't had time to learn Photoshop)

Most Richly Blessed

Most Richly Blessed
Sometimes I wonder when things go wrong,
Has God forsaken and left me alone?
Then I remember through trials and distress,
He’s always with me,
I’m most richly blessed.

I asked God for strength,
that I might achieve;
I was made weak, that I might learn to humbly obey.

I asked for health,
that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches,
that I might be happy;
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power,
that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things,
that I might enjoy life;
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for,
But everything I had hoped for,
And almost despite myself,
My unspoken prayers were answered.

He’s always with me
I am, among all men, most richly, blessed.
~Unknown


Last Sunday, we had a guest speaker at church. She is a missionary in Michigan that pastors churches/disciples people who are/were Muslim. She is a white girl from Idaho, who's had her share of difficulties while growing up. Besides being hearing-impaired, she struggled with relational/family issues, and I'm sure other things (like we all have...). God has radically changed her life, and has given her a heart and passion for the lost.

She spoke on love. Loving God, which in turn turns to loving people. Love. A basic concept, right? Sure, but if you're anything like me, it's a concept that seems so basic that it gets overlooked.

Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)
37 "Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Of course, I've heard that verse, and the next one, before...lots. If you've been to a wedding lately, you've heard parts of 1 Corinthians 13. Ah...so romantic. Of course, it's NOT only a chapter about the love in a marriage. Yes, again, I know that. But that's what I've always related it to. The middle section, where it talks of what love is/isn't, really spoke to me on how I relate with people. Especially in my job as a credit union teller. Of course, if someone's irritating me I still treat them like a princess (or prince)...thank you, years in customer service and as a social worker...but if I'm not loving them in my heart, I'm missing it. God, help me!

1 Corinthians 13 (ESV) (my emphasis added)
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

So, again, I know this is "basic" stuff, and maybe I'm the only one who hasn't totally grasped the concept of God's rich/deep/boundless/unconditional love for me and for others, as well as my love for God and others. But, I'm pretty sure it's a lesson that this world as a whole would benefit from reviewing.

Lord, Make This True in My Life

"My secret is very simple: I pray. Through prayer I become one in love with Christ. Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depths of our hearts." ~Mother Teresa

Harvest Time

"If you do the things you need to do when you need to do them, then someday you can do the things you want to do when you want to do them." ~Zig Ziglar

This quote is an important reminder to ME that the hard work the Conrad is putting in now, and hopefully the work I'm doing outside of the home, will not be in vain. We are doing things now to set ourselves up for the future. Sometimes it's hard to look that far into the future when you (I) want things now.

Harvest time should be a happy time, right? Don't get me wrong, I love riding in the combine with Conrad and watching the wheat heads fight to get past the header and be separated out into kernels, leaving the straw behind in hefty rows. I can brag on my man...he is an amazing farmer. His crops are excellent, and beautiful. However, because of our teetering on the financial edge of being able to hire a full-time guy to help out, Conrad works hard. Too hard. He realizes this too, that not only the physical labor, but the investment of mental and emotional stress, cannot be a lifestyle that lasts too many more years without taking a toll. But it's only for a season, I have to remind myself (and he reminds me).

Sometimes I want to fast-forward a few years ahead to when we're able to hire out some jobs, though I know these trying times are shaping our [debt-free] future, and contributing to our growth individually and as a couple. So, today, I'm reminded of why harvest is not always "happy"...when the stress comes due to lack of help, the machines don't work right, and family jealousy runs rampant (this last one could be a whole post in itself, though I'll spare you the misery).

Lord, I know you hold our future in Your hands. Let us trust you, and may Your wisdom shape our every decision. We don't depend on other people to control our destiny...You control it. Give us patience and grace as we ride out this season.

Seattle--August 2011

My friend Andrea moved to Seattle in April to pursue her dream of working for a graphic design firm in downtown Seattle. She lives in a super cute studio apartment about 15 minutes from work. Our friend Steph and I went to visit for a long weekend recently and had a BLAST! The next two pictures were taken at Kerry Park. This is one of my fav lookouts in Seattle and is in the Queen Anne area. We went one day and it was too foggy to see downtown (reminded me of then I took Conrad to Mt.Rushmore for the first time...not impressed). On a clear day, you get a great view!



We went to The Locks in Ballard one afternoon (don't fret, we made it to happy hour on time...). The Locks consists of botanical gardens, live music on weekends during the summer, and, the reason they exist in the first place, to assist boats in the move from salt to fresh water, or vice versa. We watched the whole process and it was pretty cool.



One night, Steph and I walked a few blocks to the Space Needle. It was dusk on Sunday and it was bustling! We walked in circles in the gift shop and walked around outside a bit. Did I mention the weather was PERFECT while we were there? Not one drop of rain.


One afternoon, we went to Boehms's Candy in Issaquah. They have a chef who makes the recipes and they hand-dip all of their chocolates (only 200 chocolate-dippers are left in the USA!). We took a tour of the facility, Mr.Boehm's chalet, and the surrounding grounds. My only complaints: not enough samples on the tour, and a tour nazi that hung around behind our tour group with a scowl (someone needs to eat more chocolate!). We all bought some oh-so-good chocolate and we were happy ladies!



Though I enjoy my little town of 4,000 people and living out in the country, I also enjoyed living the "downtown Seattle" life. This included lots of walking, shopping, eating at awesome happy-hour restaurants (at least once daily...I am now a "happy hour" addict!), shopping at Pike's Place Market, eating yummy gelato and pastries (including an orange/chai cupcake from The Yellow Leaf Cupcake Co.), etc. The last picture in this section shows a vehicle that's preparing to shoot a VW commercial. There were lots of cops and street closures. We tried to get them to let us be extras, but they weren't interested...whatever! Glad we were on foot so we could snoop a bit, though we never saw anything too exciting.








On Saturday, we took the water taxi over to Alki Beach. It was soooo nice to be able to use public transportation to get around...we rarely drove. We walked around the beach for about 15 minutes then went and took our seats at Cactus--a restaurant with awesome decor/set-up/HH food/etc. After we got our fill of amazing Mexican food, we decided to rent a surrey to ride along the bike path at the beach. We became an instant ourist attraction. We had people laughing, staring, taking pictures, and looking longingly with jealousy as we rode around on this bicycle built for three...or so they said. It was a tight squeeze onto that seat since we're all post-adolescence! I haven't had a perma-grin or laughed so hard in a looooooong time!! This pic just shows Andrea, we have lots of other pics on Steph's camera. It was soooo much fun! The best part was when we'd go over the tiniest bump and a bell would announce our encroachment on the next victim, er, passerby:)



On our last night there, we met up with a couple of [new to Steph and me] friends for...wait for it...HH at Ruth's Chris (would never go there on my own tab if it wasn't HH!). From there we went to a little Irish pub close to the Pike's Place, and chatted a while longer, until leaving to hit up the infamous gum wall in Post Alley. This was the first time I was a contributor:) We ended our last night on the town with another ice cream/chocolate/pastry store...surprise! And I wonder why I have a quad chin in the above pic at Kerry park!!




Overall, the trip was a much-needed getaway for this girl. It was fun to hang out with awesome friends, eat amazing food, and explore Seattle. Never a dull moment!

Yes, I'm Still Alive

I haven't been a good blogger AT ALL lately.

Easy excuse=being short-staffed at work+working full-time+being worn out (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually).

Real reason=probably just being lazy...and not feeling like I have anything new to say.

Yes, I've done some fun things this summer...maybe I'll blog about those soon...

However, my emotions (which usually stir me to blog) have remained the same. The constant rollercoaster of; really wanting a baby and having faith it will happen--up! to trying to convince myself that I am just fine with my family consisting of just Conrad and me (and my cats, of course) for the rest of my life--DOWN:(

Maybe AF's arrival this a.m. indicating that we will be going on cycle 40-something is inspiring my writing? Maybe it was last night going to a "Girls' (plus their kids) Night" that turned out to be a "Adriane's the only one out of 10 women who isn't a mommy" night? Could be the half-finished project of the future baby's room that's sitting there because there's no need to rush. Who knows?

I think I will go for a ride in the combine with Conrad later to get away from housework/yardwork and my thoughts that take over when I'm in my quiet house on a whiney day like today.

I promise, my next post will be *happy*.

Happy 8th Anniversary to the Man I Love With All My Heart!!

Today marks 8 years since I made a commitment in front of God and many loved ones to share my life with one [amazing] man. God has been so faithful in our marriage. Sometimes it's easy for me to get down about our childlessness, and it can cloud the whole picture. However, we really do have a great life. I know there's a baby (hopefully a few) in our future...how it's going to happen, I'm not so sure.

Maybe this will be the year? One can hope. But, if it's not quite time for us to be parents yet, God, please give us peace and continue to deepen our relationship with each other and with you. Thank you for blessing me with such an awesome husband--so many great qualities I don't know where to start! God, you went above and beyond when you brought Conrad into my life...he means more to me that I could have ever dreamed a husband would.

I love you, Conrad, with all of my heart.

Psalm 139:16-18

"We dare not conclude that what we are going through lacks the divine touch simply because it entered our life without our permission. Faith is living in advance what we will only understand in reverse." Wayne Cordeiro

God, help this to resonate in my life and the current struggles that can so easily take over a lot of space in my mind. My peace comes in knowing that "you saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can't even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!" (Psalm 139:16-18, NLT). Nothing that has happened, is happening, or is going to happen was/is/will be a surprise to You. Help me to trust that You're holding me in your hands.

Isaiah 40:25-31

I've heard parts of this verse a million times over the past 2 decades. It's always been *good*, and I like the description of God giving us strenth and "wings like eagles", but it hit me different today. At church, Paul talked on Isaiah 40. As he was wrapping up with the last few verses, God's words to His people hit me differently this time. These are the translations I like the wording best in, though all are good.

(New Living Translation)
25 "To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?" asks the Holy One.
26 Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out one after another, calling each by its name. And he counts them to see that none are lost or have strayed away.
27 O Israel, how can you say the LORD does not see your troubles? How can you say God refuses to hear your case?
28 Have you never heard or understood? Don't you know that the LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
29 He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.
30 Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.
31 But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint

(New International Version)
27 "Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
‘My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God’?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and strengthens the powerless.
30 Even youths will faint and be weary,
and the young will fall exhausted;
31 but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength,
they shall mount up with wings like eagles,
they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint."

First of all, why do I question that God will fulfill His promises in my life?? Why do I think my "way is hidden from the Lord" or He doesn't "see my troubles"?? Of course He is aware of my heartaches. He knows everything about me. In a snap of a finger he can do whatever He wants in my life, but He chooses to grow me up and mold my character into who I am meant to be by allowing me to walk through storms. I don't want to be a bottle-fed brat. I want to be a woman of godly character that acknowledges and testifies of God's faithfulness throughout the course of my life. Through the ups and the downs.

His faithfulness does not rest on my being happy, or sad, or disillusioned.
It does rest on the fact that HE IS FAITHFUL.
It's His character.
It's who He is.
It is not dependent on me.

Why do I limit God...when it clearly says that He is the everlasting God, Creator of all the earth, renews strength, etc., etc.?? Just because things don't happen when/how I think they should, I often find myself doubting His goodness, awesomeness, and justice. If I hadn't gone through storms in my past, I wouldn't be who I am today. If what I'm going through right now wasn't to the benefit of molding my character, God wouldn't allow me to walk through it. Praise God for His molding...even when it hurts. For it shows us strength we never knew we had. God, help me to grab a hold of your truth. Make this real in my heart and mind. Help me to live it out, and not just think that it's nice to hear once in a while.

Not Everyone Gets Two Birthdays

M got a call about 1:30 yesterday at work that there was a potential heart for Joey. This ist he third "potential heart" they've had, so none of us got our hopes up too much. However, when the next call came within the half-hour, we knew it was for real. M left to pack a few quick things, grab Joey's dad, and headed to SLC. She desparately wanted to talk to Joey before he went into surgery, and she actually got the chance to spend a few hours with him. The surgery got scheduled to begin at midnight. It was kind of weird that it was so many hours after the initial call, because all of us, including M, had thought 2-3 hours max between the time they had a heart and implanting it. I woke up to a text this morning at 6:48 saying that everything went well, the heart was a good fit, and both sides were working (important because the reason for the heart plant was a severely damaged left ventricle) but she couldn't see him yet. Around 10:00, she called the credit union and she was at Joey's side and called to say he's waking up and still had the breathing tube. This was taken out early afternoon. Joey has a new, healthy heart...HURRAY!!! God is so good.

Please continue to pray that his body would accept this new heart, and also pray for the family and other loved ones that had to say goodbuy to someone they loved today. Bittersweet, for sure.

The nurse told Joey, "now you have 2 birthdays...November 22nd and June 23rd!". What a gift.

I Don't Know if I Can Do It!

Parenting, that is.

So much heartache involved! I know, I know, the good outweighs the bad. But with my co-worker's situation with her son, stories of miscarriages and stillbirths, and other tragedies that happen to families, it really makes my heart question if I could take the baddest of the bad. I'm really, really not trying to just focus on that, but one does question What would I do if I were in that situation?? Could I handle it?? Would I totally fall apart??

A friend on FB wrote today, after losing her niece last night: "One of the best ways to have a little Heaven in your home is to have someone you love in Heaven." I like this quote, because it is a reminder that better things are yet to come. Heaven will wash away all our tears and sadness. Meanwhile, it's very heart-wrenching when the quote is referring to a baby girl who's only 2 weeks from being born into this world. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain mommy-to-be is feeling. With two weeks yet to go, little girl was named, had a nursery ready, and had all the last minute items from her baby shower last weekend. Two weeks more, and mommy-to-be would've been able to kiss her daughter's sweet face. Please pray for her and her husband, as well as the rest of the family and close friends, as they mourn this loss.

Nothing New Around Here

I haven't blogged for awhile because, frankly, there's nothing to say. My life stays pretty much the same, day in and day out. I'm not so sure there's anything bad about that, I guess, being as I really don't want any bad excitement in my life. Sometimes the mundane is okay, especially considering what some people around me are going through at this time. Here are a few bullet points on the last month of my life:

**Joey is now able to leave the hospital as long as he's wearing his "life vest". This contraption pretty much shocks his heart back to life if it stops. My co-worker was hoping to be able to take him somewhere cool over the weekend while she and his dad were there...hopefully that worked out, I'm sure he's tired of hospital walls after three weeks.

**I hosted a sleepover party for my sister on Friday night. She turned 24...crazy since she's four years younger than me and I'm only 22:) We had about twelve girls at my house and about ten stayed the night. Lots of GREAT food, laughter, and celebrating a wonderful girl.

**Yesterday, we went to pick up my sister's Aussie friend Kate from the SLC airport. She met Kate while doing her DTS (discipleship training school) in Thailand about two years ago and they developed a deep bond while together for five months in the school. I choked up a little when, from a distance, I saw them greeting each other. My sister says she's had lots of dreams about Kate coming to visit Idaho and is sad when she wakes up---so it's a dream come true this week!! I have been spending time with my sister and Kate, enjoying her joyful, fun personality...and of course, her accent:)

**I went to the Superbike Races (SBK) in Utah on Memorial Day with Conrad and Dad. We stayed over Sunday night, which was awesome because Conrad and I were able to go visit Joey while Dad hung out at the motel. Monday we spent all day at the race track and had lots of fun. It was cold...last year I got sunburned and sweat all day, and this year I couldn't get the chills to go away due to the wind! Luckily, none of the races got cancelled, and it turns out the weather report on the internet was inaccurate to our advantage (no rainshowers!). I'm sure the racers would've been upset with that, too, since they only make one stop in N. America on their 13-stop world tour.

So I guess there are a few items I could've posted about and elaborated on, but there's just not much energy to do so. I still haven't posted pics from Oregon, have I?! Just on Facebook, I think. Now that my husband is working 6am-10:30pm, you'd think I'd have lots of spare time to blog. Nope, I've been enjoying my month of free *Netflix* on-demand and my newest craft projects (hair bows/flowers from fabric). Oh yeah, and mowing my acre of lawn with a push mower.

Update on Joey

It's been a crazy week. Wait, a week?! It feels like it's been months since this whole thing with Joey started. A quick rundown on what has transpired...

He is still at Primary Children's in SLC. He is not even allowed to get up from bed because they do not want him to exert himself whatsoever. Imagine a teenage boy having to lay in bed for 7 days...poor guy! His dad made it from North Dakota and has been with (M) and Joey since about Wednesday. They've done more imaging, EKGs, and other tests to try and narrow down the exact problem and solution. There have been a few bumps in the road, but he has an excellent team working on him.

At this point, he is in 1A (top of the top) priority for a heart transplant. Heart transplant. I am in denial that all of this is even happening! I can't imagine hearing those words about my child. Or having to watch as they poke and prod to try and discover how to keep him alive until his 16th birthday...not to mention High School graduation, marriage, children, career, etc. Once they release him, he will have to live no more than 2 hours from the hospital. We are all wondering how that is going to pan out in their lives.

We get many questions daily about how he is doing and how (M) is holding up...in a small community (4,000, give or take), everyone knows everyone (just about) and is into everyone's business. In this case, that's okay:) The Credit Union is a good place for people to spill their guts, or pry for info. Generally, I do not talk about people with members, but when everyone's so concerned about and praying for Joey, it's easy to find common ground and share our concerns. I'm sure we will plan a community fundraiser event sometime this summer to help with some expenses. (M) has expressed multiple times how much she feels blessed by their circle of friends during this hard time.

On Sunday, I'm going with Conrad and my dad to SLC for some motorcycle races that will happen on Monday. We are going to visit them and I'm so excited to see them. I am praying that a pastor from down there will go and talk with them, and that it will open up doors even wider for me to share my faith. We are most likely going to bring Joey's sister down with us. She'll be done with school for the year, and she's been getting homesick:( She will keep us entertained on the ride down...she has quite the cute personality!

Thank you for your prayers for Joey and his family. There is an obvious reason that his issue was found out before it was fatal. God has a purpose for his life. Now I'm praying that he will open his heart to God and pursue whatever path He has for him. Please let me know if you have any ideas for care package items for a teen boy!! Also, I'm thinking about giving them a copy of The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It's so encouraging and not super "religious"...just truth that we all need to discover. Please pray that I would have insight as to how to approach the faith aspect.

Prayers for Joey

On Tuesday I went to work ready for a normal week (finally). Nope. Apparently one co-worker (M) had taken her son and daughter to the doctor in Poky (1/2 hr. away) Monday night for some "minor" complaints--his being a stomach ache and her's an earache. The night ended with Joey being admitted to ICU due to possible heart problems. This is all I found out on Tuesday morning, and we got a few updates throughout the day: They're doing an EKG; he has an enlarged heart and possible clot; and finally, that we was being transported to Primary Children's Hospital (in a big city about 4 hours from our little town). (M) wanted to fly with him, so another co-worker (A) and I headed to Poky to get her keys/car and bring them well-wishes. Joey was in good spirits as the flight crew was getting his wires and IV's situated on the gurney for the flight.

This 15-year-old kid is such a fun, good kid. Conrad and I have "hired" him to help us haul wood or with yardwork, and he's always a talkative, funny guy. It's still hard for me to comprehend that something big is wrong with him:(

As of today, they have diagnosed him with dilated cardiomyopathy (an enlarged heart), and have ruled out that it's an infection that caused it (we were hoping for this, as medication would've probably corrected the problem). This means that there is an abnormality in his heart...probably has been since birth. This is the kind of thing that those athletes drop dead on the court or the field from...seemingly so healthy, but something in their heart just isn't right. It seems that Joey's decision to take a break this year from wrestling and football was a good decision, huh? They put a catheter into his heart (up through the groin area...yikes!) and were able to get a better picture of what's going on. They are putting Joey on a transplant list and the team will meet tonight with the family to discuss a game plan. We are hoping that it won't come to a transplant, and if it does, that it would happen quickly and easily.

Would you please, please, please pray for Joey and (M), and his dad and sister?? My boss talked to (M) today and said she sounds exhausted...I can't imagine the emotions she's had (including the one's associated with her D&C last Wednesday). I know they believe in God, but they haven't accepted Christ as their Savior. I am praying that through this hard time, God would reveal Himself to them...through peace, comfort, medical staff, other patients/families, and physically in Joey's body. My God is so good!

This is the Mother I Have...and Would Love to Be

"A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." — Washington Irving

Mother's Day Blues

What a mixed bag of mixed emotions I have as Mother's Day nears. It almost feels sacrilegious to say, but it is not my holiday of choice.

YES!! I love my mom, and my grandmas, and my aunts, and my friends' moms, and my friends who are moms. Motherhood is something to be deeply cherished and highly esteemed.

However, this day stirs up so many deep emotions that I can barely stand it. This will be the fourth Mother's Day that I have:
a)hoped to tell my mom and MIL in a fun Mother's Day way that they will soon be grandmas, but there's nothing to say;
b)dreaded church and work because everyone's saying "Happy Mother's Day!", and it doesn't apply to me; and
c)hoped and prayed that maybe next year, I will be a mother.

Thankfully, I'm in the nursery at church tomorrow. Some may think yikes! nursery on Mother's Day? But I like the fact that I can get some baby-lovin' in and avoid the crowds that are in the Mother's Day trance:) j/k:) For the 7+ million people in the U.S. that are struggling with infertility...God help us through tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day...and every day of our journey.

Would You Please Pray?

It was a somber afternoon at the credit union today. To make a long story short, my pregnant co-worker found out today that she is carrying a baby, but the baby has no heartbeat. The doctor is going to give her until next Wednesday to naturally miscarry, or he will do a D&C. My heart just broke when she was telling us, and I couldn't help but to cry with her. My heart is sad right now:( Please pray for her--for her physical body, and for her emotions. She isn't a believer, but did say, "Maybe God knew something I didn't." Hopefully I can be a light into her life during this hard time.

I don't mean to turn this around to me, but just one quick thing: when she told us, I thought that could so easily of been me and could feel the fear and emotion rising up inside of me. I will need to "pray without ceasing" so that I will not take this upon myself and my future pregnancy.

Once again, I'm so glad for relationships. Life would be so lonely and lack-luster without others to share it with--the good and the bad. I pray I can be as good of a support to others as they have all been to me.