Here are some pics from my trip to Grandpa's funeral... I loved him dearly!! A red rose for each grandchild, the beautiful church after the funeral, pretty window, and us going through Grandma's costume jewelry, one of the lighter moments of the trip...

me, the inspiration:)
throughout the weekend, my aunt lynn kept saying, "you were the inspiration for me having kids." she never wanted kids until she was around me when i was a baby. nevermind the fact that i had explosive diarrhea while she was holding me and it got all over her left leg (yes, she remembers what leg). nonetheless, i was the inspiration for her to have my cousins. i'm glad i could be an inspiration:)

p.s. more details on the trip later... it was good, and i'm so glad i went.

nice people...
i've been impacted by some very nice people within the last few days...no, not people i already knew, though i know lots of them, but people i didn't know that touched my life...
1st--we bought a combine yesterday. yes, i stayed home from work so i could have a day to grieve and see conrad since he's been working a lot. we went and bought a combine. fun stuff. anyway...the guy we talked to about it (conrad had already done the homework, etc., so we were "sealing the deal") was sooooo nice. i left telling conrad that if the world had more people like john in the world, it would be a better place. he was excited to meet me and made me feel special. he said to conrad, "congratulations on a great marriage." he was very encouraging to conrad, telling him how smart he was in farming, how incredible it was for him to play college b-ball, etc., etc. yes, you may be thinking, well, yeah, you just paid him thousands of dollars, of course he's gonna be nice, but it wasn't like that at all. totally genuine. absolutely real. this is the kind of person i want to be. not that i don't try and be genuine, but that i look for, identify, and voice those things in others that are there, even if i may have to dig deep for some. he was so respectful of every person that was brought up in conversation that he and conrad mutually knew. i'm sitting here thinking when can we hang out with john again?! :)
2nd--i went to pick up a spray for the casket of my client this morning. we ordered it from L.D.'s. we had limited funds (pretty much what she had saved up at our Center) and he worked with us. they brought out the arrangement and i was instantly choked up...it was absolutely GORGEOUS!!! 2 star-gazer lillies, 2 orchids, roses, freesia, daisies, greenery, etc. my client would have LOVED these flowers. i can see her reaction now. he gave us a deal and said, "no person should have to leave the world without flowers." he said he threw in some extra roses, he called them old roses, but basically they were just already bloomed, and were pretty to me. i'm glad there are people in the world like L.D. who are willing to work with friends of a wonderful lady who had no family/money to give her a beautiful arrangement for her funeral.
3rd--because my client was a ward of the state, cremation was the plan. however, the funeral director in malad knew people who worked with my client and when he heard this, he donated a casket and a burial plot, as well as let us have the service in the chapel at his funeral home. he was so kind today as we arrived to pay our respects to this dear woman. he was personable as he directed the program and very humble. what a blessing!! my client would have been honored that so many people worked together to bless her. i'm sure Jesus let her peek down for a second and let her watch:)

grandpa manske...
one of the best grandpas ever. i treasure the time i got to spend with him and my last phone call with him when i got to hear his cute voice. today i wore the necklace i inherited from my grandma manske, a gold heart with a ruby (her favorite stone), because i needed something to help me through the day. grandpa died today. i am terribly sad, but happy that he no longer has to suffer and that he and my beautiful grandma can be together again. i'm not working tomorrow. i need a day to myself. my dad left for MN tonight at 6:30. please pray for safe travel and continued peace. you girls are the bomb diggity!! i love you all.

another prayer request from adriane: conrad's grandpa has an aneurysm (sp?) right by his heart and doctors won't operate because it's too risky being so close to the heart. this is extremely sudden. GOD, if ever we needed your peace, this would be the perfect week for it!!!

really don't know what to call this one...
so i have all sorts of things spinning through my head today. it's been a rough weekend. i'm thankful that i have some wonderful friends that hung out with me on friday night--subway and mario cart--a beautful night!! it helped get my mind off of negative stuff. saturday i had a knock-out drag-out with God while doing my beth moore bible study. it was a good thing. that day was about having God's peace. i realized that so many times i've wondered where it was and He waiting to give it to me in exchange for the things i hold on so tightly to. why is it so hard to let go of our crap?! today at church i got the same message during worship. then during the message. it's like we hold so tightly to our stuff that we don't have room to take in God's peace, joy, destiny for our lives, etc. i don't understand why it's so hard for me to give the bad for the good. i'm trying to let go. i guess realizing it's a problem is a good place to start. i hate when i don't wanna be at church. i didn't this morning at first, but God was speaking and used a friend to speak into my life, so i'm glad i went. whenever i'd get a bad attitude during worship and get mad at God for something dumb, He'd gently say, "aren't I still worthy, holy, etc., even when things aren't perfect?" yes, God, you are!!! okay, now i'm babbling. it's just that i don't have anyone to talk to about all this stuff, so i get it out when i can. okay, one more thing. as i think about my job, i think i can't do this, God, i don't know what i'm doing, why i'm there. why can't i have a job where i don't have to deal so intensely with people? why can't i avoid having to deal with this stuff? He reminded me that He put me there because I CAN do it with His strength. i am supposed to be working with people. God, i need more strength!!

p.s. please pray for me this week as i'm working...that i'd be able to be strong for my clients who are grieving and as we take them all to the funeral on wednesday. also, we got a call about an hour ago about my grandpa. he's been in the nursing home about a week or so now, and not doing well. today's really bad. his blood pressure is dropping and his temp is 94. my dad's planning on driving out tomorrow after inventory or tues. and my aunts are trying to find a quick flight from washington. please pray my grandpa would have peace.

life is precious...
today i had yet another reminder of how precious life is and how much impact one person can have on the world. we got news today that one of my clients had died. because i was at work, i did my best to hold it in, though inside i was hot, achy, etc. i shed a few tears, but saved the rest for when i called conrad after work and then came up to my parents' house and hugged my dad for a long while. let me just say, i love my dad's sensitivity and his willingness to stand in the driveway and cry with his daughter as she's grieving the loss of someone close to her. he said things like "she's so lucky you were in her life" "you were such a joy to her" etc., etc. i keep having little memories of her that make me smile, and choke up at the same time. like the fact that out of all the people at the center, she knew 3 peoples' names and mine was one of them. like the fact that she always wanted to get some black leather knee high boots, and once she got them, they were her pride and joy (in fact, she wanted to be buried in them). how she'd say a little prayer before lunch and then do the father, son, holy spirit sign with her hands (like most catholics). and many many more. i'm happy to say that i'm sure she's in heaven right now, dancing with Jesus in her black leather knee high boots, and NO wheelchair/oxygen!! although we knew this day was coming, it's still hard. i pray i made a positive impact on her life during the short 2 years i was with her. i know she impacted me. what a beautiful woman and what a wonderful heart. rest in peace.

lots of random thoughts...
so, i know i haven't written in a while. over a month, to be exact. yes, steph, myspace is much easier to talk on, though i don't bare so much of my soul:)

the holidays were fun overall, though christmas didn't have the greatest start. we found out that my grandpa manske had fallen a few days before my aunt got there and laid on the floor from early evening until the next morning at 7 am because he couldn't get up. after someone heard him kicking the door, they helped him, and he now has a handy "i've fallen and i can't get up" necklace. we also found out that he now qualifies for hospice. mind you, i found all this out 1/2 hr before going over to the in-laws for christmas dinner, so i had plenty think about. my dad just got back from visiting him. he said it was hard to see his dad so frail. in some ways, i'd like to see him again, but in other ways, i want to remember him like he was last time i saw him. is this selfish? it's hard for me to even talk to him on the phone because i get so emotional.

on a lighter note about the holidays...it was fun hanging out with pooh while she was home. i miss having her around...a lot. hopefully she'll be coming home over spring break or RaNae's wedding. i also hung out with josh and RaNae a lot, as well as...gasp...my husband!! i took the week between xmas and new years off, and told conrad i was getting used to not working. sometimes i wish i didn't have to, but overall i do like my job. sometimes, it'd just be nice to be home more. today i wanted to call in sick, but didn't. why do i always get sick on the weekends??

i don't really know what else to write about. all that comes to mind is the crap that i've been thinking about lately. why does the negative seem to be more easy to think of than the positive? hopefully this will get addressed in the Bible study i'm doing over the next 10 weeks called breaking free by beth moore. hopefully next time i write i'll be more focused. time to get ready for the gym, i wanna win a trip to hawaii (gold's gym is having a fitness contest for the next 12 weeks, so far i've done well for 4 1/4 days!).

mad at God, then not...
so yesterday i got news that some friends of ours had experienced what i would call a tragedy. at first, i though, why, God????? why would you allow this?? then as i was praying for them through my tears, i was reminded that God was also grieving the loss of this precious baby and was heartbroken for the pain it was causing the couple. SATAN is the reason this happened. in a perfect world (before sin) this would not have happened. sometimes i ask God why? because He seems like the one i speak to most after i hear of these sorts of things. sometimes He's an easy scapegoat. i just need to remember that it's not His fault and that i shouldn't blame Him. this may seem elementary to some, but it's sort of an epiphany for a girl who's been asking why? a lot lately...

friendship...
so, last night i was jumping in to some more organization of my disorganized house. i found lots of things...i'll admit it, i'm a packrat. i love saving every card, note, movie ticket stub, etc. believe it or not, i found some notes from junior high and high school from some friends (majority from about 4 friends). can i just say that I AM SO GLAD THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!!! i love these people to death, and though i don't see them much anymore (some no contact whatsoever) i do appreciate the times we had and i do treasure those friendships. why i'm glad they're over is because things were so petty back then. reading through them, i was taken back to my feelings of when i was in 8th and 11th grade. it's crazy how those feelings come back. i found one that was a response to a nasty email i had written to a best friend--it made me sick to think i had written something so rude and hateful and this was my friend's reply back. other notes were talking about other girls--petty stuff, again, rude. if this was what my life was full of, no wonder i was depressed/suicidal for some of the time. i did find some happy ones encouraging me. i kept those. i'm getting rid of--burning, to be exact--the other notes. it's a part of my life that i don't need to have on paper. i will remember the good memories and not keep record of the bad. i hope you all don't have a bad view of me now. i know we all go through the rude stage. i see now that i've grown up. sometimes you need that reminder. i pray i can help my kids see how hurtful words can be--both to the person they're about and even worse to the person who speaks them.

i just have to say that i am SOOOOOOOOOO thankful for the friendships i have now. they're not always perfect, but i don't think friendship is supposed to be. but i am so blessed to have you all in my life, and i thank God daily for the awesome friends i have. i seriously think i'm the most blessed girl in the world:)

happy thanksgiving!!!
well, my thanksgiving week turned into a fun one after pooh surprised me and came home. she was going to go to WA with a friend, but was feeling kinda homesick. we've spent a lot of time together. i miss sister time A LOT! there is definitely a void when she's up in moscow. i am looking forward to yummy food tomorrow at conrad's parents' house. should be a full house. my fam is coming too, so that's good. then pooh and i are going to be crazy and go shopping way early on friday. it's a tradition, and one i was sad when i thought i was going to have to give up this year if pooh wasn't home. maybe we'll see you at the FM sock sale, em! well, didn't have too much to say, just thought i'd write a little something. life is going better these days. about the whole boob thing...i decided some people just shouldn't be doctors. i'm probably just going to go back for a check in january. thanks for praying. hope you all have a wonderful thanksgiving!!!

bad monday...
so, i knew starting monday/the week off with a pap smear and breast exam weren't the greatest start, but i took the appointment at the health department so i could get it over with. i wasn't too nervous. no, they aren't my favorite pasttime, nor are the paper vests and paper blanket my idea of a comfy outfit, but i don't totally get freaked out or anything about the appointment. everything went normal as i filled out medical history and waited for the nurse. even the nurse's questions were the usual, as well as her invitation to get into the paper outfit and said she'd be back with the doctor. he started with the breast exam. did one, no problem. went to the other side, went back to the first side, and back to the other side and said "have you ever felt this before?" and put my finger tips where he was feeling something abnormal. yeah, there was a huge lump. "no, but i don't do self-exams or anything." he said, "i don't want to scare you, but let me go get my overseeing physician." tears welled up. i started crying as i told him my mom had breast cancer last year and my aunt the year before. he got the other doctor, and he came in and did the same thing. we talked options. i told him about mom/aunt. he said i had a depressed look in my eyes. i said, "yeah." duh. now we're talking options. i was going to ask about any help with prenatal planning, healthcare options, etc. instead, i'm planning options for what to do about the lump in my breast. go back in three months for another exam? see a general surgeon for their opinion/possible biopsy? mammogram? dr. rush said he didn't think it was something that he thought needed to be biopsied at this point. anyway. i get in the car after the hellish appointment and call conrad, bawling so hard i can barely talk. called my boss to tell her i couldn't come in today. drove to my parents and told my mom what was going on. now, i wait. what am i supposed to do? on the way to my parents' house, all i could say as i was hyperventilating/shaking/crying was "GOD!" over and over. i just got off the phone with the nurse and i'm not going to have a mammogram at this point. i continue to shake and fight emotion (freak-out). i know it could be this and that (cyst, growth, whatever), but the appointment was traumatizing, nonetheless. please pray for me, i desperately need God to do something--physically and emotionally. i don't know why all this crap is happening to us.

a little bit bitter...
i will admit, these days i'm a little bit bitter. with life in general. now, i won't go into details because i have not the energy or the time (and you all have better ways to spend you time than reading about why adriane's bitter). things are just happening, or not happening, and it sucks. sometimes i wonder what the heck this whole thing is all about anyway. for all of you thinking, you should read the How to be Free from Bitterness pamphlet from church, i got it at a garage sale for free. free things don't make me bitter. however, i'll read the pamphlet as soon as i'm un-bitter enough to get something out of it and have enough energy to make the effort. oh well, life goes on.

babies...
yesterday, i got a call that my friend nancy was in labor. i went up to the hospital and hung out for a while. her husband left for wyoming yesterday morning but some of her family was up there. i watched her push through contractions and saw the relief come over her as the drugs started to kick in...yay for drugs! i left for bible study about 7:00, and figured that since she was only 5 cm it wasn't likely that the baby would come too soon. i got a call at 8:45 that seren michelle was born at 8:00. i rushed up after bible study, hoping i could get in after 9:00. thank you, God, for letting me get in...even the dad almost didn't get in. i walked in to a roomwhere a beautiful mother was holding a beautiful little girl. 6lbs. 11oz., 20 1/2 inches. absolutely amazing. i got to hold her for a little bit (i was a little nervous because i've never held an hour old baby before...) and told her "God loves you" and "you're precious", then a nurse had to check some things. despite watching the pain nancy felt with contractions or the little horror stories you hear...i'm ready for a baby! what a miracle!

a beautiful day...

yesterday was a glorious day!! conrad and i went to SLC for a third day concert and david crowder opened for them. it was amazing!! i love concerts because you can feel the passion of everyone around you for the music...i truly believe music brings people together. we had an awesome time worshipping God and being in His presence. so this was the last part of our day...let me go back to the beginning...a couple we were good friends with from our pest control summer in DC live close to SLC and we arranged to get together with them. it was SOOOOO fun to see them and catch up--i can't believe it's been 2 years!! they have a 1 1/2 year old boy and a 4 wk. old girl. so cute! i love this couple, and they will always have a special place in mine and conrad's hearts. heather and i used to go to the gym and watch dawson's creek together in the am, and then just hang out till i worked. sundan and conrad were partners as they knocked doors. lots of hearts to hearts happen when you're with someone all the time and working an emotionally draining job. i've never seen conrad click so well with someone. as couples, we took weekend trips to ocean city, ate at red robin and went sight-seeing a lot, and sat under one umbrella on the national mall as we waited for the rain to clear on the 4th of july. we have lots of memories. when we were together it was like non-stop conversation and it was fun to catch up. i held baby elise most the time. conrad read a book to ryder. yeah, i officially want a baby!! can't help myself. k, God, give us wisdom on timing!! conrad had fun with the kids and we ended up hanging out for like 5 hours. hopefully they'll come to the farm this winter and visit, maybe come to church with us... they're lds, but not the snotty type. we all talk about religion and it's not taboo. i like open-minded mormons...i hope that came out right. anyway, it was a wonderful day, and probably the best thing was getting to be with conrad for 10+ waking hours in a row!!

no internet...
well, i just tried to upload some pics real quickly, but it wasn't quick, so there aren't pics tonight ladies and gentlemen. there are so many things i want to right about, but with limited internet access, it's hard to find time. i can't wait to get internet on the farm!!! it sucks that satellite internet is more expensive, but it will be well worth it. i just want you all to know that i haven't forgotten about you!! i'll write next week sometime...

annoyance...
so i just got done sitting at a local tire joint for 1.25 hours. i watched two episodes of reba on the tv and battled falling asleep (thank you rice at lunch). the only thing that kept me from falling asleep was the creepy school janitor that was eating popcorn and staring at me everytime i looked over. creeeeeeeeepy! and i think the worker lied to me about what happened. i went in wed. and they "fixed" something and that's why i was back today. i'm annoyed. i could've been working out. i could've been cleaning my parents' house (i told them i'd help since pooh's gone and dad's been buying stuff for our cars). and now all i want to do is eat pizza and ice cream. how's that for great coping skills? steph, fawn, where are you? come to my rescue so i can drown my sorrows.......okay, i'm done.

guess what i found?...
FRUIT PIZZA
Crust:
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup margarine
1/2 cup shortening
2 eggs
2 3/4 cup flour
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. vanilla
*Mix well. Grease pan (a pan with an edge works best, not a flat cookie sheet). Spread dough in pan, leaving 1/2 inch around the edges. Bake for 10-15 minutes, or until golden brown, at 350 degrees. Cool.

Topping:
1 1/4 cup sugar
16 oz. cream cheese (the red. fat stuff works fine, too)
5 tbsp. fruit juice (can use juice from canned fruit)
*Mix well. Spread on cooled crust. Top with pineapple, mandarin oranges, strawberries, blueberries, peaches, kiwi, raspberries, mangoes, or any other kind of fruit. ENJOY!!

goodbye, pooh...
i said bye to pooh yesterday morning. i guess it was more like "see ya in a few weeks" since i'm going up to see her over labor day weekend (and melissa and fam!!), but it was still hard. i helped her pack all weekend and stayed the night with her monday night. we've always slept together before a big life change--the night before my wedding, the night before she moves from poky, you get the drift. it was fun to stay up late and have every possible minute with her before she moves 10 hrs. away. i know i'll see her often, but not often enough to go to dinner spur of the moment, run to walmart so she can get out of the house and we can bargain-hunt, or just watch some useless tv show together. i know it'll be good for her, and i'm praying continually for God's favor to be on her and for the Holy Spirit to be more real than ever in her life. i talked to her today and they moved into their apartment and were getting ready to go buy a cheap desk somewhere--the overestimating of the amount of stuff that could fit in the minivan has left her desk upstairs in the kitchen in poky. so far, the only thing she's asked me to bring when i go is her jack johnson nalgene bottle, not too bad.


p.s. melissa, i tried to call you last night to chat and to let you know pooh's in town, and couldn't get through on your home phone. would you mind e-mailing me your # and then i could also give it to pooh. thanks!:)

hello friends...
well, i was going to post some pics of our roomies, but can't find the cord to connect camera to computer. small problem. i was going to post the recipe for fruit pizza, but forgot to bring it from home and mom can't find it. so, these things will happen some day, i have not forgotten you!

i had a WONDERFUL weekend. went to boise with some friends and honestly haven't laughed that much in a year as i did over the weekend. as we were driving home, i was thinking, i think i have the best friends in the world. i hope everyone has what i have. i really am so blessed by the people in my life, and i know i take it for granted at times. i pray God will continue to remind me of my wonderful friends, and i pray i'm half the friend to others that my friends are to me. i think i'm going with pooh to get a tat today, if not today probably this week. if not today, i will be starting my new exercise regimen with the girls. God help me. well, next time i hope to have at least one of the two items you are all one the edges of your seats for:)

3 years already? only 3 years?
tomorrow is our anniversary, and it always makes me think back. was there a time i didn't have conrad in my life? obviously the answer is yes, but sometimes it feels like we have been together forever and have had this connection forever. has it really only been 3 years? again, the calendar says "YES" but it seems to have flown by. today on my drive in to poky, i was thinking about what i was doing the day before our wedding, etc. sometimes it's still crazy to me that i'm even married. then i get the question, "so do you have any kids yet?" or "are you going to have kids soon?" and i think--i'm not even used to the idea of being married yet! i am, but it's surreal sometimes. i don't know if this is making sense, but hopefully you can follow, i guess i'm just reminiscing. we don't have any big plans tomorrow. conrad's going to get off early (7 instead of 10) and i'm going to make dinner. then, we all know how the story goes... steph and sara asked if i was going to XA and i quickly responded "i have better things to do" :) luckily, we haven't heard mammals for a few days, so that's good. bats have a way of putting a damper on romance. nic killed 3 rockchucks last weeks. yeah nic!! well, i feel like i'm babbling, so i'll let you all get on with your blogging experience. i hope you all have a great day tomorrow, i know i will;)

FYI: in a year, the average person walks four miles making his or her bed. (from my snapple bottle...my question:how much time does a person save a year by not making his or her bed? that might make me feel a bit better about my # of times bed made equaling 5x/year)