really don't know what to call this one...
so i have all sorts of things spinning through my head today. it's been a rough weekend. i'm thankful that i have some wonderful friends that hung out with me on friday night--subway and mario cart--a beautful night!! it helped get my mind off of negative stuff. saturday i had a knock-out drag-out with God while doing my beth moore bible study. it was a good thing. that day was about having God's peace. i realized that so many times i've wondered where it was and He waiting to give it to me in exchange for the things i hold on so tightly to. why is it so hard to let go of our crap?! today at church i got the same message during worship. then during the message. it's like we hold so tightly to our stuff that we don't have room to take in God's peace, joy, destiny for our lives, etc. i don't understand why it's so hard for me to give the bad for the good. i'm trying to let go. i guess realizing it's a problem is a good place to start. i hate when i don't wanna be at church. i didn't this morning at first, but God was speaking and used a friend to speak into my life, so i'm glad i went. whenever i'd get a bad attitude during worship and get mad at God for something dumb, He'd gently say, "aren't I still worthy, holy, etc., even when things aren't perfect?" yes, God, you are!!! okay, now i'm babbling. it's just that i don't have anyone to talk to about all this stuff, so i get it out when i can. okay, one more thing. as i think about my job, i think i can't do this, God, i don't know what i'm doing, why i'm there. why can't i have a job where i don't have to deal so intensely with people? why can't i avoid having to deal with this stuff? He reminded me that He put me there because I CAN do it with His strength. i am supposed to be working with people. God, i need more strength!!
p.s. please pray for me this week as i'm working...that i'd be able to be strong for my clients who are grieving and as we take them all to the funeral on wednesday. also, we got a call about an hour ago about my grandpa. he's been in the nursing home about a week or so now, and not doing well. today's really bad. his blood pressure is dropping and his temp is 94. my dad's planning on driving out tomorrow after inventory or tues. and my aunts are trying to find a quick flight from washington. please pray my grandpa would have peace.
2 comments:
it's funny, I am rather in the same place. I'm reminded in my reading lately that Jesus is IN me, and I don't know what that means right now. You'd think that if you have the most powerful loving person living in you and you are supposed to live through Him you'd not worry and fret about stuff and love irritating people. I do the former and not the latter. I can't quite wrap my mind around how the Holy Spirit in me can enable me to live through Him. Because I can't let go of stuff. Yep, in the same place.
Today the roommates and I were discussing how we have such a hard time doing the Beth Moore study cause we feel convicted and really don't want to deal with it. By not doing the study we can partially avoid dealing with it. God has to have a big purpose for our lives if we are all dealing with issues. I say this because i have to believe it or else it isn't worth it. But I know God is worth it.
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