Something I've been pondering recently is the whole question of "What if ____________________________?"
This blank could be filled by a plethora of words, sentences, maybe even a novel:)
But the main reason I've been thinking about "what if...?" is because I'm coming to the end of my 2ww and will be getting some answers sometime later this week. Will I be a mom in 9 months? Will Conrad be a daddy in 9 months? Will we have a boy or a girl? How will we tell people we are [finally] pregnant (who don't follow this blog...i.e. the in-laws, etc.)? Will it be a healthy pregnancy? ???Will I be pregnant at all???
I've also realized that the element of surprise is gone for you close friends of mine, as well as for my family, since our baby-making experience has been made public. It didn't start out that way, I don't think it usually does. How I used to picture it was a little like this: excitedly planning when to start a family with my hubby, "trying" to get pregnant for a couple of romantic months, and then a *BFP*; followed by preparation, showers, beautiful baby, and happily ever after. However, this is how it's been (the short version): try for one month, two months, three months...29 months to no avail, verge on insanity, and then 2 romantic dates with my husband AND a nurse AND a doctor, while getting inseminated in a freezing cold hospital room followed by days of cramping and praying I won't have to do this process again. Truth is, I need your support and can't imagine traveling this infertility road alone. I'm so grateful that God has given me grace to take this journey, including giving me the support I've needed and continue to need. Crazy the way we *think* life is going to happen, huh? I'm so glad we can trust God to be stable when we feel anything but.
So anyway, what I started out wanting to say was...I really don't want to tell EVERYONE if [when] I do get a BFP this week. Meaning that if you read my blog, you would be giving me a gift by keeping it [BFP] on the down low until things move along a bit farther. I do appreciate all of the support and prayers I've received from you ladies, and will be happy to share my news with you:) I just don't think 2 weeks along is a great time to tell everyone in my world, if you catch my drift.
And the countdown continues...and continues...and continues...almost over...
4 comments:
I have written an entire blog post before on "what if"...I had a devotional on those words and I have never looked at them the same again. Check it out here...http://whilewaitingiwillworship.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-if.html.
It is amazing how we have always pictured this part of our lives being so very different than they have played out. I still struggle with that so often...jealous of others who are able to experience actual family planning, surprising friends and family, etc. I am SAD that I will never have that experience, and that the innocence of it all is forever gone. But for whatever reason the Lord has allowed our experiences to be this way and I cling to the fact that even though I am surprised to be on this journey, HE is not surprised by any of it.
I think when you get your BFP, it will take everything that is within me not to yell it from the rooftop, but I will keep it in! Even though this will not be an unexpected announcement, it will be no less exciting! I'm so excited for you two I feel it deep in my guts. Praying for God's continued grace and peace as you wait for the answer.
No worries! Your secrets safe with me! ;)
Thinking of you. hoping that you face this very wonderful problem to have.
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