Trusting in God's Perfect Timing

"He is never late..." I've heard it a million times. I know it in my head, but how do I instill that into the deepest part of my heart? If I had the answer, I'd be a millionaire:) Just kidding, I know that God can do it. In fact, He did do it--at a high price--when He sent His son to take the weight of the world on himself. The positive consequences, namely peace and healing, are what I need to focus on more in my thoughts concerning inferility.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

I'm sure it would help if I spent more time with Him...in His word, in worship, in prayer, and in silence. I read others' insights into God being a part of their infertility journey, and while it speaks deeply to me and to my faith, I feel like I am lacking wisdom and faith and peace in my own journey. Sure, there are moments of intense peace, or faith, or even joy, but I could sure use more.

Now that my co-worker told our manager about her pregnancy, it's all out in the open...baby talk, that is. She had her first appointment today, and in my head I kept thinking I have to hear this for 7-8 more months...God help me. I know God will grant me grace...He has through the other million pregnancies going on around me.

A few Sundays ago, as I was admiring a friend's ADORABLE newborn at church, a woman "L" passed and after looking over at the baby, looked at me and said, "you're next." I responded, "I hope so." I appreciate her faith. Normally, I would've shrugged this comment off (about 2 years ago, a woman at church who knew of our struggle said to me, "there will be a baby within the year," and look where that ended up). However, "L" is one that has walked this lonely journey of unfulfillment. The doctors told her and her husband that they would never have biological children. She and her mother did not take "no" for an answer and faithfully pursued God in prayer. I've had her mom pray for Conrad and me a couple of times, and it's great to have her insight as a mother of someone who's dreams of a child have come to fruition. "L" told me after her "you're next" comment that she had prayed so hard for her first child. After having her son, she didn't feel like her family was complete. Because of the emotional struggle of TTC baby #1, her husband was reluctant to jump in again for #2. Six years later...a beautiful daughter blessed their life. There's something about hearing other infertile's share their stories of blessing that keeps me pushing on, even when the going gets tough.

God knows my hopes and dreams of being a mommy. He knows just the right time to fulfill that dream. I do believe that, and I will push on.