Keeping Busy

I've just been trying to keep busy this week. Not too hard to do (though there are still things I avoid when trying to keep busy, i.e. housework, yardwork, wallpaper removal, to name a few...). Today I made biscotti for a friend (and I may have eaten some too...). One of my co-worker's last day was Thursday, so we planned a luncheon for her and I made a floral arrangement in a pumpkin for her. We sure do know how to eat!! Our meal was complete with shredded pork, homemade flour tortillas, cabbage salad, caesar salad, and YUMMY dessert. On Friday, we dressed up for work. One of my co-workers had to fill in at another branch, so we missed having her there:( Mandi was Pancho Villa (apparently I don't remember my mexican history very well, Pancho is a big name). Danyell and Melissa were 80s girls, and I was a black cat (super creative, huh?). It was fun. The members always like it. It was Hi-lar-i-ous to watch members' reactions when they first saw Pancho!

B...F...N... :(

In the infertile cirle, this acronym stands for Big Fat Negative. I don't know why I allow my hopes to get up. In our whole time of TTC, I've only taken 3 tests, counting this a.m. Thursday I decided I'd wait for Saturday morning to take the test. Wednesday was c.d. 28, and I've had no symptoms WHATSOEVER of AF. Usually for a week before I'm crampy, need to wear a sportsbra to strap "them" down, etc. I haven't had any of this and made the mistake of letting my mind wander with Conrad; figuring out that the baby would come in July (I told him, "that's a busy month, with your birthday, 4th of July, and our anniversary, but that's okay"), thinking about fun ways to let the family know on Christmas, etc. BAD GIRL!! I know that us getting pregnant the old fashioned way would be a miracle, but like I've said before, I'm not ruling out that God will do a miracle. Today I will occupy my time with cleaning house. I decided to have some girls over tonight, so that will insure that I will dust, vacuum, pick up clutter, etc., and not just mope around all day.

Social Graces

Warning: This may sound very mean. Yesterday, I saw a guy from my college days and his family at the grocery store. He went to Chi Alpha, the christian group I was involved in throughout college. He is a bit of an odd duck, but I am always friendly to him. I've seen him and the fam at Wal*Mart a few times over the past few years as he's been growing his family. I've "met" his wife 3 or 4 times now, I can't remember. She is always grumpy-looking and none-too-friendly when I try to be personable. When I saw them at a different grocery store yesterday, I was like oh here comes some awkwardness, followed by him talking about his kids and introducing me to his wife again. Conversations usually include him talking about not working, being on welfare and not having to pay for anything, awkward questions like "when are you having kids?!", etc.

***I really am not trying to be rude, but some people just do not have social graces.***

So after a quick hello--I was in a hurry and kind of trying to avoid a long awkward conversation--and him introducing me to his wife, yet again, I moved around the produce area and got what I needed. When I went to the meat department, there he was with his cart, kids, and awkard conversation.

First, it was, "So, are you still married?" I responded, "Yep, it's been 7 years now."

Then, it was, "I've been married 3 years. My daughter is almost 3." Cool.

Then, "This is ____, Jr., this is my daughter ______. We're trying for number three."

Okay, this is when I grab my pork roast, say good-bye, and go on my not-so-merry way. Why is it that two people who don't work, collect government money for healthcare, living, and food can have all the kids they want? It's like it's a game for them. Sure, I bet having kids is fun but let's not go overboard here, just cuz the government will pay for it all. Can't there be a limit on how many pregnancies will be covered by Medicaid?? Here we (Conrad and I) are, working hard to pay taxes for irresponsible people to have kids. He's uninsured because self-employed insurance is outrageous, I pay $150+/mo.(and rising) for limited health insurance with a $5,000 maternity deductible, and no infertility coverage. I'm not against helping people out, but I am against people taking advantage of the system and fertile myrtles having so many kids that they can't even care for them.

This was a bit of a soap-box, but it's something that really upsets me along this road of infertility. I have to keep reminding myself, "GOD IS MY PROVIDER. GOD IS MY PROVIDER. GOD IS MY PROVIDER". Although Conrad doesn't like people that take advantage either, he does seem to have more grace than me. When I tell him stories like this one above, he responds with, "I wouldn't want that life. I want to contribute, I want to make my way." Ultimately, I know I don't want that life depending on the government, but sometimes I have to run through the venting cycle before I can remember that. You have now come full-circle through one of Adriane's *many* venting cycles.

Today's Romantic Words...

"Thank you for marrying me to be your wife, not your slave."

This came after Conrad told me his dad had his panties in a wad because they're short on truck drivers to haul in the sugar beets. He said to Conrad, "Can't your wife drive? SIL said she said she was ready." No, actually what I told SIL is that I could do it (I am capable), not that I would do it. The way it goes in this family is that once you do a job, it's yours forever and ever without compensation. If Conrad really needed me (on our field, which they're not harvesting yet), I would drive truck. If he really needed me to work ground, I'd take lessons from him in the tractor...I'm okay with helping with OUR stuff. I'm not trying to sound selfish, just trying to keep the boundaries. Conrad's mom looks so tired and ragged after 2 weeks of hard work in harvest (she's working harder than his dad doing a spare job his dad put a bid on!). Conrad hates that his mom works so hard. This whole town knows how it is to work for the in-laws...a friend told me she was talking to someone who was thinking about taking a harvest truck driving job, until he found out who it was for (my FIL). That says something, doesn't it?

I am so grateful for Conrad's hard work, and for God's graciousness to provide what we need to take steps to be more independent from Conrad's family. I know that beyond all the family drama, there is a great future for Conrad and me as we stay in His will. Have I mentioned lately that I'm married to a hot, hard-working, loving farmer? I am:)

Time with SIL

SIL came home this week to bring her dad a diesel pick-up she'd found him at an auction, and also to help with sugarbeet harvest. I was nervous at the beginning of the week because I didn't know exactly how things (conversations, mostly) would go with her here. Lord knows they've been stressful and emotional with her NOT here! On Tuesday night, she invited me to ride in the semi with her while she delivered a load of hay. It was nice to spend time with her and catch up. I told Conrad later that night that I don't think I've hung out with just her since before Conrad and I were even dating, if ever! It was great just to have the two of us chatting away. She brought up her marriage situation the last 10 minutes or so in the semi, and though I wish we would've had more time on that topic, it was a good conversation. Based on earlier conversations with Conrad and my emails to SIL and her hubby, she knows where I stand already, but we each shared more personally about the situation. There's something about face-to-face conversation that can't be conveyed over the phone, through the grape-vine, over the internet, etc.

Last night, just as I was settling in with some popcorn, laundry to fold, and a movie, she called to see if I wanted to go to Poky (ie the big city). I jumped at the chance and she showed up a few minutes later...in this family, you have to be ready for anything:) We met up with a mutual friend and her new hubby for dinner at Buddy's (YUM!). After a quick stop at Wal*mart, we were on our way home. There's something about car rides that facilitate good conversations. We chatted about this and that and I explained our infertility issues. At dinner, she had jokingly said, "I'm ready to be an aunt! When's it going to happen?". We've joked back at forth with her and her hubby about this since they got married, so it wasn't meant to be cruel or anything. I responded with, "I'm ready to make you an aunt, you'll have to ask God about the timing." I gave a brief synopsis of us trying for close to 3 years...our mutual friend has known about our issues, and has blessed me/respected my wishes with not telling my SIL until I was ready. Anyway, the cat is out of the bag, so to speak. I expect the rest of Conrad's family found out this morning:)

I rode with Conrad for a few rounds to and fro' the beet dump today. It's always relaxing, and my favorite farming thing to do besides riding in the combine. After two rounds with him, I jumped in with SIL and probably went 3 or 4 rounds? The lines got LONG this afternoon! We laughed a lot and were able just to relax and be ourselves. We really don't have a ton in common (she's career-oriented, I'm not; she doesn't like shopping/decorating, I DO!; she's independent in her marriage, I try to be interdependent), but we are both young adult women who like to have fun and care about our family and friends.

We spent about 4 hours together today, just the two of us, and it was great. I told a close friend later, that at the beginning of the week, I was sure there was going to be hard conversations because of focusing on SIL's struggling marriage, and I was praying for guidance and wisdom in how to approach them. I thought there'd be a lot more marriage talk than there was. At first, when I left the beet truck tonight I was wishing I would have brought more things up about a healthy marriage, working it out, etc., but like I told Steph, I think it's been great for SIL and me just to build on our own relationship. The rest will come. It was a blessing just to be "pursued" by her this week. This will open the door to more phone conversations and more below-the-surface conversations when we do see each other in person. Thanks for your prayers about my in-law situation. They are working!!

Hope Restored Tour--Andy Kirk and Aaron Shust LIVE!

We rarely get Christian concerts too close to us, but a few weeks ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Andy Kirk/Aaron Shust concert at our local (30 minutes away at ISU) performing arts center. I knew it was going to be good because I'd seen Aaron (yes, we're on a first-name basis...) on the K-Love cruise in 2008, and he is one of the artists that I knew I wanted to see again. We got VIP tickets that enabled us to be part of a Q&A before the show, as well as get first pick of seats. I loved the Q&A because it was so great to hear both Aaron and Andy talk like the men they are (human being men, not supermen!). Both spoke of their desire to worship God, and about how that's their main goal, is to worship and lead people into worship. The concert was AMAZING!!! Andy Kirk (a new artist, just a baby at 23!) started things off with a mix of contemperary worship songs and songs he'd written that were on his album. I love that at Christian concerts, they usually have the words to the songs up so you can sing along, or read along with what the artist is singing. Aaron Shust did a set for maybe an hour, give or take? What a passionate man, both in his music and in his "sermonettes". A few really hit home and spoke to where I'm at in my life right now, both individually and with Conrad, as we're looking at our future. Aaron alternated between rockin' out with the band on his guitar, and then inviting us to sit and "drink in" God's presence as he took it down a notch and played the piano. The last 2-3 worship songs were a combination of Aaron on the piano and Andy on the guitar jamming out while the whole audience was singing at the top of their lungs praising God. So refreshing! Times like that go too fast!! Afterward, I bought Andy's CD (which is fabulous) and had him sign it. I wanted to talk to Aaron so bad, and my patience paid off. He signed my concert ticket and we got a minute or two to chat. Overall, it was a great night, and I left feeling full of peace and joy. I'm so thankful that God has enabled people to use their talents for His glory, and that people are obedient.

10-10-10

Just got a text about my sweet friend's grandpa going to meet Jesus today. He went peacefully, and she also said that he loved numbers (10-10-10!!). I became curious about the meaning of number 10, and *googled* it. Here's what I found:

Ten : 10 - Biblical Meaning of Number: deals with completeness that happens in a divine order or completed during a course of time. There's nothing that is left wanting within the complete cycle the number "ten" has just completed. (In today's society this number is looked at mostly when referring to some kind of ranking or describing something that's close to perfection).

http://www.christian-resources-today.com/biblical-meaning-of-numbers.html

I really like the references in this second link regarding "10":
http://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/meaning-of-numbers-in-bible/10.html


Thought it was pretty cool!! Praying for my friend, her family, and all those who had the privilege to know such a fine man...

p.s. If any of y'all can tell me how to insert a link (I clicked the button, entered the address in the box that popped up, but it never showed once I published...) that would be great:)

"'Til Death do us Part"

If you've been to a wedding anytime lately, or ever, you've heard these words exchanged between the bride and groom. If you're married, I'm 99.9% sure that you spoke these words in your ceremony as you looked into the eyes of your beloved.

Unfortunately, these words have come to a point where they are spoken lightly and easily shoved aside when hard times come in a relationship. I've seen this several times over the last year, and it's heart-breaking.

However, I have a few heart-warming situations I've observed over the past few days that renew my faith in long-lasting love and commitment in marriages. Some of Conrad's relatives were passing through from Canada and we spent last night with them at a long dinner and then they came over to our house this morning for a while.

One of the couples, Les and Helen, will celebrate 57 years of marriage in a week. They are one of the most precious couples I know. From the first time I've met them, Helen has gone from legally blind to completely blind. I cannot imagine dealing with blindness in my own life, for many reasons, but what I notice about this couple is their interdependence. Marriage is supposed to be all about interdependence anyway, but they are a great tangible example. Les guides Helen around, "3 steps up", "there's a nice living room to your right", "your tartar sauce is right here" (as he guides her hand to feel where it is). Helen is sharp as a tack and has a super great memory. She still does laundry, but supervises Les as he cooks or bakes because, in his words, "I can't remember from time to time how to cook/bake."

The second couple, Henry and Mildred, are equally cute. They have their own personalities and obstacles, but the same level of commitment. Mildred must've invited us 4 times to go to Canada in June for their 50th anniversary celebration. She was so interested in Conrad's farming practices and in our life. Henry was excited to report that the family farm in Canada (Conrad's grandpa was raised in Canada on a farm) was thriving. He really wants to give some of the model tractors/implements he's put together over the past few decades to Conrad. He's had 3 strokes recently and limps around with a cane. He and Mildred told us about his scooter he rides to the park to feed the ducks. Sometimes he goes alone, other times Mildred walks with him. Mildred is patient with him and they are another great example of commitment through thick and thin.

I know that I am committed to my promise "'til death do us part", and value the people in my life that support my commitment. God, help Conrad and I stay committed to You and to each other. Help us to be a good example to others, and to have a rockin' 50th anniversary party!!! You're all invited...it will be in July of 2053:)