Isn't this a "Special Time"?

I just got off the phone with a friend and we had a very truthful conversation that is making me laugh now when I go over it again in my head. Our combined symptoms include: not fitting in pants we fit in last week, laying in the hallway awaiting the next date with the porcelin throne, unquenchable pain despite our desparate attemps at popping OTC pain relievers, etc., etc. After we compared notes, I said, "isn't this a special time?" To which she responded, sarcastically (of course), "oh yeah."

Okay, so I never thought I'd blog about Aunt Flow, but she deserved it today. Also, I figure it's better to laugh than to cry at her oh-so-unwanted arrival in my life AGAIN. One day, Aunt Flow, you will LEAVE ME ALONE for 9 months and give me some peace! Until then, I will make light of, and curse, your unwelcome visits.

Happy 7th Anniversary to US!

More Than Flowers by Eric Ludy
What will it be like
To spend life at your side?
I´m eager to say "I do"
And share my life with you
I want our love to be
Something sweet and heavenly
Moving angels to tears with its simple purity
I want our love to shine,
Be the romance of all time
One that lives love louder
'Cause it's shown with more than flowers

I want you to see me
living out my love for you daily
I want you to hear me
adoring you with every word I speak
I want you to catch me
serving you in ways you weren't suppose to see
It's then you'll know
Far more than flowers could ever show

What will it be like
To never say good-bye?
To hold you every night,
to love you with my life?
I want our love to be
A taste of eternity,
a picture of God's grace
Reflection of His face
I want our love to glow, to demonstrate and show
God's eternal power, shown with more than flowers

(chorus)


I LOVE the words of this song. I remember reading it in the back of a book that Eric Ludy had written, but the cd had been removed so I didn't know what the music was like. My friend Holly is good at singing, guitar, and putting music with words, so she did an awesome job fitting the words with the perfect music to sing at our wedding.

Here's to 7 AMAZING years with the MAN OF MY DREAMS!! And MANY MORE.......

I Heart Love

Weddings always get me thinking. I love them. I went to one today that made me happy:) CONGRATS BREANNE & AARON!!!

What I love most is watching a commitment being made between two people and God, a covenant to love each other NO MATTER WHAT, one to be honored and protected. The pastor today gave a mini sermon on a healthy marriage in 4 words. I can't remember them all, but two were communication and courtesy. Overall, Conrad and I have a healthy marriage. He even said while we were driving down the mountain (the wedding was up a mountain--beautiful!) that he feels like we do the things the pastor was talking about. Not that there isn't room for improvement, but we are on the right track and were happy for the reminders. I know that it's easy to say "communicate!" or "be courteous to each other!", but it's hard to always follow through. God, please help Conrad and I continue to grow in you and in our relationship with each other. Thank you for GRACE and your hand in our lives.

What God has joined together, let no man separate!!

Trip to the Past

When I decided to quit my job as a social worker at a private agency about two years ago, I knew that no matter what, my time there had left an impact on my life. Working with adults labeled with "severe chronic mental illness" was mostly rewarding but also challenging and, at times, heart-breaking. As much as I tried to keep my emotions from taking over, it's hard to immerse yourself into relationships like that without emotion. Overall, I feel like I had a good balance (God knows these people don't need robots spouting off facts to them). Social work is a career with a very high burnout rate, and I hit burnout full speed ahead. Part of me wonders if it was mostly because I was feeling unsettled with things in my own life (i.e. infertility), but regardless, I have not regretted my decision.

After a year and a half since my last day at the agency, I went back yesterday to visit. My old boss needed some help distributing brochures for an upcoming continuing ed presentation, and she also said that a few of the clients had been asking a lot about me. It was nice to volunteer some time to get some free credits, and it was a great excuse to see some of the people that will always have a place in my heart. When I walked in, one client ran over to me, threw his arms open for a hug, and yelled, "Adriane!" *B* started rattling off changes in his life, good and bad, and telling me of some accomplishments he's made. Another client came over with her formerly toothless grin (yay for dentures!), and started telling me how much she misses me. At times, she would stop talking and just stare at me, smiling. When the new social worker came out, *B* said, "This is Adriane, she's the best social worker ever!!" My heart was full!

I saw a few of the other clients I'd known from a few years ago. Things have changed at the agency. Two key group members have passed away in the last few months. There's definitely a void. *F* told me that she has had surgery recently to remove her uterus, which contained a fist-sized tumor. After saying, "you won't even want to look at me," she took off her wig to reveal her baldness, resulting from her chemo treatments as a precaution in case the uterine cancer had spread.

I continue to be amazed at how much people can go through and still continue to fight. I believe God has a special grace on those battling severe chronic mental illness. Yesterday's visit was full of, "Are you coming back to work here?", and "It's just not the same without you," and "You helped me so much." It made me smile from the outside in, because I know that God had me in that place for His purpose, and for His amount of time, to impact people that He loves.

Drama Queens

This morning I am brought back to the drama of some issues surrounding some people in my life. People are saying and doing things I never even dreamed of happening. Why do people play favorites with their kids? Why does the talk of divorce bring out the worst in people? Why do people twist their beliefs to try and justify their current situation (or that of the family "princess")? After an ongoing battle for three years, he has left, and she's coming home to further degrade him to her family, masquerading the trip as a trip home to attend her friend's wedding. He thinks the whole fam damily is against him (because he hasn't heard otherwise), and though I desparately want to send him a FB message saying, "we're not!", I'm in a quandry because it would escalate the entire situation with princess, not to mention others that hold some pieces of our future in their hands (i.e. family business). ARG!

God, I need wisdom, patience, and strength. Help Conrad and I stand up for what's right and speak our piece in love. Thank you that you can restore relationships, even after we (imperfect humans) rip them apart. YOU ARE PEACE.

Domestic Goddess

There must be something about letting all my feelings out of my head and onto paper...er...the world wide web. I did take a walk last night, and Gracie decided to join me. We saw the sunset, and it was so calm outside. Gracie alternated between running ahead of me, walking beside me, and rolling around in the dirt. I'm grateful God gave us pets, mine rock! When I got back, I took a bath. I LOVE baths. I haven't taken one for awhile because it's been too hot. But last night, with the windows open (and after getting soaked when setting up the sprinker) I was cold enough to jump in a hot bath and read. My mom got my sister and I Beth Moore's new book So Long, Insecurity after we all went to the simulcast in April? May? So far, so good. It was very relaxing.

Today, I woke up MOTIVATED! I went on a walk to the mailbox--not hardcore exercise, but swift walking 1.4 miles anyway. I did some yardwork, got stuffed peppers going for dinner, took in a shirt, hemmed some jeans (now I have a new outfit that cost me $3.50 between yard sale and Goodwill!!), mowed the lawn for two hours, took a much-needed shower, started some blog entries, de-cluttered a bit in the office, had a photoshoot with Jack and Gracie, hoed the WHOLE garden (can you say "massage"?!), and set the sprinkler out on the garden. I'm going to sleep good tonight! Oh yeah, on my walk this a.m. I listened to Mercyme, and I read my Bible when I got home...MUCH NEEDED! Thank you, God, for carrying me through the rollercoaster of life. YOU ARE FAITHFUL!

Stuffed Peppers

Do you want a dinner that you can make ahead and then smell cooking all day?? Here's one that my mom has made that I have always loved! It's super easy, and healthy too, I would imagine (lean protein, whole grain, and vegetable). I have tried it in the slow-cooker, but didn't like the outcome as much as a kettle on the stove (seemed more mushy). Here's the recipe:

Stuffed Peppers
MIX: 1 lb. ground beef, 1/2 cup barley, 1/2 cup parmasean, 1 egg, 8oz. tomato sauce, and salt and pepper (sometime I just let people add their own as needed).

STUFF: 6 hollowed-out peppers and put in a large kettle.

POUR: A large can (46 oz.) of tomato juice over peppers.

Cover and bring to a boil. After it reaches boiling, turn down to "simmer", put foil over pan, and then the lid. You can peek after 1.5 hours, but it usually takes longer. Today, I let them simmer for about 5 hours, just because we weren't quite ready for dinner yet. You'll know the stuffed peppers are done when the barley is cooked.

**I use red peppers because they're sweeter than green. You do what you like:)

Doing Something Healthy (for the first time in a long time)

So far, this evening hasn't been a good one. I'm finding myself dwelling on what isn't right in my life or in the lives around me. Top on my list, as usual, is the current infertility battle. Lately I've been trying to convince myself that I don't really want kids anyway...they're expensive, they "tie" you down, and they are time-consuming. Fortunately for my future kids, none of these attempts at convincing myself away from kids is working. I desperately want to hold my baby in my arms, to kiss his or her soft face all day, and ultimately to raise a family with Conrad. Other thoughts that are weighing heavily on my mind are ones surrounding marriages that are being tossed aside like yesterday's trash. Where is the commitment, people?! I stood in your ceremony, I talked in depth with you and took advice about a healthy Christian marriage from you...and now you're calling it quits? I just don't understand. It makes me mad.

With all this occupying my mind, I can tell that I haven't given my thoughts and emotions totally over to God. How can I tell?? Well,my mind is so occupied and cluttered with garbage, that I can barely find strength to take care of myself, my house, my husband, my yard, our business books, etc., etc. I wander around the house aimlessly, thinking about things that need to be done, but wander to the next room looking for who knows what? I'm not getting anything productive done, and I know I should be. Yes, I know there's a time to relax, and I don't have to be super-cleaner wife every second of every day. But when I'm the exact opposite for days at a time, there's a problem. I guess the bottom line is that I'm beyond overwhelmed and cannot seem to find solace. The solution: I have no idea.

But for now--in going with the title of this current entry--I'm going for a walk. It's a start. Breathe in some fresh air, admire the fields around me, and listen to some uplifting music (or maybe just the birds and the irrigation sprinklers).