Do you ever just feel "blah"? WARNING: Don't read this if you don't wanna know "blah".
I guess I can say this has been the story of my life for a while. Don't get me wrong--I do have fun events, laughing fits, and enjoyable time with family and friends. However, one thing I've realized about myself three years ago (when deciding we would start TTC in February 2008) and today is that all (okay, most) motivation is gone. Three years ago, I was dedicated to working out and eating right...all in the name of gearing up for a healthy pregnancy. I was in the best shape of my life and I felt awesome from the inside out. Exercise was enjoyable, relaxing, and my body craved it. I easily made healthy choices, while still enjoying treats here and there, never feeling deprived. I was strong, healthy, and fit.
Now jump ahead to present-day. After months--and now years--of no success in the TTC department, I am unmotivated, out of shape, and make unhealthy choices when I eat. I know what I need to do to get in shape. I know what I need to eat/avoid to be healthy. I hate that I let myself react in such an unhealthy way to unhappy news. I put in a Pilates video tonight, thinking I could at least do a 20-minute segment. I did a few minutes of one segment, jumped to another, only to turn off the DVD altogether in another few minutes. Defeated. Tearful. Wondering why? I don't like feeling this way. It didn't help that my phone was on the fritz today when I was trying to be in contact with the financial counselor at PMC. I am really praying God's favor over getting some $$$ knocked off my procedure on Monday. Okay, this is like a diary entry, and since I don't keep a "diary" I just put it all out there on the world wide web. Here you go, folks!
Sorry, Michel, I tried to keep it upbeat for a few posts, but had to vent!! Thanks, God, that you're here even when I feel defeated.
3 comments:
**hugs to you** I wish I knew if you were up at this late hour (10 PM MST). I want to call you and just be there with you, over the phone. :\
I'm sorry you've got the blahs! It is funny that you posted this today...this morning while I was working out I had a thought..."maybe God is giving me this time before I get pregnant to GET in the best shape I possibly can." I have always eaten fairly healthy, worked out, etc. But after my RE appointment in December he talked about how important it is to take care of ourselves when we are trying to get pregnant. That is when he recommended the Sugar Busters diet, taking Juice Plus supplements, eating organically, etc. It really motivated me to buckle down and take care of my body more. But just today that thought came to me...maybe my body really needed this time to get in shape before I get pregnant. Who knows, maybe I will have triplets and REALLY need a healthy body to carry them!!! I don't know...I just thought I would share though because it's weird that I had that thought and you blogged about this on the same day...
Sometimes "blahs" are the worst because it seems that nothing makes it better. Whether lasting a day, week, month, you just don't feel like you know you can. Yucky! But it has to get better :)
Post a Comment