Mating cows...
so, i officially live on the farm. i woke up this morning at 6 a.m. to bellerin' cows. grrr. not into that. i asked conrad why they were being so noisy and he says, "i don't know." i said, "are they hungrier than usual because it was rainy all night and they used more energy to stay warm?" he said, "probably." so who sound more farm-experienced here:) then, i was leaving for work and looked across the land, and not more than 50 ft. away were two mating cows. just what i like to see in the morning. then, i had to lay on the horn to get the cows to get out of my way so i could get to work. i've gotten more to where i like them and think they are not a nasty animal like i used to. are they cute? yeah, most the time. but not when they're: in my way, pooping, or mating. another reason i know i live on a farm...i just talked to conrad, and he's in his truck waiting for his cow to have its calf. calves are cute.

Saying NO to complacency!
My mom gets these emails every day and sent this one to me... I think it applies to what a lot of us are feeling we're up against lately...

"WHAT THE LORD IS SAYING TODAY - March 17, 2006 Ras Robinson
No mountain too big. In this life, you will have
mountains that you cannot move. They will block your passage and hinder your
journey. You have learned to live with them as they block and hinder you. But I
say unto you, troubling mountains must go from your life or else you
will never reach your destiny. You say it is impossible to move the mountains.
These are your words, not mine. My words to you are to reach down deep for
the mountain moving faith I have given you. Your impossibilities become my
certainties. I am the God of impossibilities. Throw yourself on My mercy and
wisdom. Follow what I tell you with pinpoint obedience and see the mountains
moved into the sea. No mountain too big.

Matthew 17:19-21 "Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said,
"Why could we not cast it out?" And He said to them, "Because of the littleness
of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you shall say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it shall move; and nothing shall be impossible to you. ["But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting."]"

God, help us to have this kind of faith!! That we would live out our full destiny and not bow in defeat to these mountains. We will not be complacent, but will stand in God's promise to help us out when we're dealing with these things in our lives.

i've been a slacker...
sorry i haven't written for a while. as i said before, we don't have internet yet at our home and so it's hard to find a chance to write. moving is going well. i guess we're moved, but just not settled, but i feel more settled in my spirit/soul, which is good. my parents and pooh are coming over tonight to see the house. they haven't seen it since it was yucky, so it'll be fun for them to see and i'll make some dinner. our first of many guests! we'll have more people over when we have more settling in taken care of, and the bridge is functioning, etc. then we'll have a big shindig!! melissa, if you can stop over when you're in town, that'd be great, but if not i understand, since there's a time constraint... there's always next time, right:) well, i'm sorry to be so brief, but conrad and i have things we need to do in town before going home and getting ready for my family. i'll try and write during the week. i love you all!!

every seven minutes...
as i wait here for the time to come to go get my face zapped again, i decided it would be a great time to write, since i'm at my parents' house and we don't have internet at our house yet. every seven minutes i have to get up and go put more lidocaine on my face to numb it through and through, kind of a pain, but well worth it. i had a good weekend. we stayed the night in our house on friday night for the first time, and though we froze our butts off, it was good. we went to salt lake on saturday for a jazz game. i had bought conrad tickets for christmas and i think God knew the perfect weekend for us to go, because it was great to get away from the chaos for a few days and spend time together, since we haven't seen a lot of each other. my prime love language being quality time, i think that was some of why my emotions have been out of whack. and the fact that i'm feeling some burn-out from work. there's just something about taking on all these people's emotions that wears me out and i'm so ready for a day off-more than just a weekend. i got to my parents' house yesterday and my mom could tell i had a bad day and i just burst out in tears, and continued to bawl as i hauled in stuff from the car. i'm overwhelmed by everything and don't really know the answer. i want to be settled. i wonder sometimes, will i ever be settled? how long will it take? how will i get to that point? and not just physically in moving, etc., but in my emotions, in a routine with spending time with God everyday, etc. well, i'm running out of things to write, or that i want to write and publish. i'll write again when i have a chance. until then, i love you guys!

it's just a little juicy...an ordinary life
so an ordinary life is something i soooo do not have. we moved our stuff to our new house yesterday. poor conrad hauled all our stuff upstairs (he thought we had half as much stuff as we do) to the garage so when his uncle and grandma got there we'd just toss it in the back of the horse trailer. yes, the horse trailer. i was assured it was totally clean and washed out since last time they hauled cows, but when his uncle opened the door and i heard the words, "it's a little juicy" i looked over and, sure enough, it was juicy. cool, i thought, i get to put all my stuff in a poopy horse trailer to travel to american falls. i have to admit i was not impressed. i ran into the house and yelled, "mom, do we have any plastic or comforters to cover our stuff?!" luckily, she came to my rescue, and the poop turned out to be dried out rather than juicy. but still, i am left to ask the question, "am i ready for farm life?" honestly, i do not know. God, help me!! it leads into how i've been feeling these past couple days. i've been depressed and not really knwoing exactly why, but feeling like i'm on the verge of tears. i woke up yesterday with a strong feeling of not wanting to go to church. i don't know why, but i just wanted to skip out and sleep. even at church it was hard for me to get past the heaviness. then rod talked about laying heaviness aside and went into prayer time. i raised my hand for prayer and had a handful of wonderful people gather around and pray for me. i felt a little better after this, but like i could've bawled for hours if i hadn't been in public. i don't know what's going on and i really don't like being out of control of my emotions. i hate how something that's supposed to be exciting--moving out of parents' house, moving into a house, etc.--is something that stirs up a lot of weird emotions. i don't know. prayer would be much appreciated right now as conrad and i make this transition.

something clever...
i keep lagging behind in my blogging!! and as far as a title for today's...nothing popped in my head, but i was, in fact, hoping for something clever to title my entry. i'll have to say i LOVE reading everyone's blog and hearing what's going on with everyone... melissa being a mom (a sick mom right now:( i'm praying for you), sara spending her mom's not yet won lottery money on a coffee (bleh!) shop (how bout ice cream? jk), steph and her bouts with technology, erin and her drunk uncle (um, yeah erin, i have a few of those, and drunk cousins and aunts...), and fawn's early morning nature epiphanies. so nothing too great has happened over the past few days. it's thursday and i feel like it should have been friday 3 days ago... ever had one of those weeks?

we're moving this weekend, at least the majority of our things. i'm actually getting kind of scared. things will be different out on the farm and i'm afraid of having the same feeling i had in D.C. 2 summers ago when i was lonely and wasn't even willing to give God some of that alone time. we spent time with the in-laws last night after paying taxes (AHHH! don't get me started on the large sum we wrote over to uncle sam--we honestly could've bought a car!). we went to arctic circle and i found myself getting frustrated. i love them all to death, but sometimes when we get together, it feels like a bashing time. i rarely hear of good things people are doing, but a lot of bad. i guess that comes with the small town thing, but i don't like it, so i just sit there, silent. something happened to a man that they know, and i'm friends with his daughter. i saw her on tuesday and she said nothing to me about this situation, but it's another ugly sin thing, and i found myself on his side, wanting to stand up for him against conrad's family.

i realized again what an ugly thing sin is, and not that this sin is worse than that sin, but that God sees it all the same way--something wicked that keeps us from experiencing His fullness. i think we often gauge a sin by it's natural consequences as to how bad it is. i'm broken that even us as christians look at sin this way, and that we point fingers and make judgments instead of coming along side the person knowing it could've been us in that same place. no one is above sin!! i think of patricia king and what i heard her talk about in nov. 2004 and mar. 2005 and both times she prophesied that the church was being called to a higher level of purity, and that satan was getting more deceptive and delving into those dark places where sin is easy to hide. not that we should be afraid of that, but take up the armor and be prepared when temptation comes. as i'm at arctic circle and this situation comes up yet again, "he knows better" "he has a wife and 4 girls" "they were going to start a church" "they've always acted like they're holier than though" "i hope he asked for forgiveness", i just wanted to scream "what you're doing is as bad in God's eyes!!!". i kind of feel like i'm starting to sound like a brat, but i will say i recognize this same shortcoming in my life. maybe God is using this to show me how distasteful this kind of talk is. i don't know, but i've never felt so much passion about defending someone who did something that, in human eyes, is repulsive. i am humbled by the fact that even my deepest darkest sins are not broadcasted in the newspaper or in any public way. i am thankful that i worship a God of restoration. God is so full of grace, and i know i take that for granted. God, please continue to teach me!!!