I can always tell when I may have come too close to the boundary line in my writing when I leave everyone *speechless*. That last post came out of frustration, and though it was a tamed-down version of what was actually going on in my head, I can see that it may come across as quite angry and hateful. Really, I'm neither.
I've mentioned before that I love my friends' kids, and count it a privilege to be a part of their lives as they grow up. I know I'm at the age where my peers are having families, and I'm not wishing everyone to have to deal with infertility. In fact, infertility is something I would not wish on even my worst enemy. However, there are a few times I have to check myself when I feel that little bit of jealousy creeping in. Just being honest.
It's like wanting something so bad, and seeing it all around you, and I mean ALL around. I've heard it compared to the desire to be married. Me going to 4 baby showers in the next 4 months is probably as hard as it is for a single person to go to 4 weddings in a summer. Sometimes its hard to understand why God has us wait for the good things in life. It's those times that all we can do is trust Him.
"I never said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it."
Friday, February 25, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Ugh.
It's bed time, but I needed a quick vent. Quick background--when Conrad and I were dating, I had a mentor. She spoke so much into our dating life and into our future married life. We talked about all the hard stuff, and what it meant to be a godly wife. After we were married we met for another year or so. It was a hard adjustment for Conrad and me, but she assured me, "Adriane, you have a great marriage." I'm not the only one she played mentor to. Fast-forward 8 or so years. She leaves her pastor husband because she's had affairs and "hasn't loved him for the last 10 years" (BS), and moves to some po-dunk (sp?) town where she meets/moves in with an old boyfriend and gets married to him 4 months after the divorce is final. And now...
I just logged onto facebook, and I thought pregnancy announcements from young, happily married Christian friends were hard enough (but doable and exciting at the same time...). However, the one I saw tonight I was not prepared for. She's due at the end of August. I just about died. I'm sure her 19-year-old daughter did too. WHY?! This is when it's hard for me. I'm in a [relatively] young, secure, committed, Christian marriage that has potential for a great family. She's had her chance at a family (3 kids) and chose to walk away from it because she was selfish, and guess who's pregnant? Not me. Ugh.
On a brighter note, Conrad and I had dinner with about 15 close friends that we spent 2+ years of our life with doing a young married couples Bible study. We stopped going about 3 years ago due to our change in schedule/location. It was SOOOO great to see everyone. What a blessing that you can go years without deep interactions with others, and still pick up right where you left off! Something that struck me as "would've used to be hard" was the fact that I sat by 3 pregnant friends at one time, and there were about 8 of the *CUTEST* babies/kids running around, but I didn't have one time that I choked up. A year and a half ago, I would've left after an hour of fake smiling. God is definitely making me stronger and filling me with peace. Yay God!
I just logged onto facebook, and I thought pregnancy announcements from young, happily married Christian friends were hard enough (but doable and exciting at the same time...). However, the one I saw tonight I was not prepared for. She's due at the end of August. I just about died. I'm sure her 19-year-old daughter did too. WHY?! This is when it's hard for me. I'm in a [relatively] young, secure, committed, Christian marriage that has potential for a great family. She's had her chance at a family (3 kids) and chose to walk away from it because she was selfish, and guess who's pregnant? Not me. Ugh.
On a brighter note, Conrad and I had dinner with about 15 close friends that we spent 2+ years of our life with doing a young married couples Bible study. We stopped going about 3 years ago due to our change in schedule/location. It was SOOOO great to see everyone. What a blessing that you can go years without deep interactions with others, and still pick up right where you left off! Something that struck me as "would've used to be hard" was the fact that I sat by 3 pregnant friends at one time, and there were about 8 of the *CUTEST* babies/kids running around, but I didn't have one time that I choked up. A year and a half ago, I would've left after an hour of fake smiling. God is definitely making me stronger and filling me with peace. Yay God!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day (last week...)
I don't know why I go in spurts of blogging, but I do:) I can't imagine why I didn't write about the most awesome Valentine's date ever before now, but better late than never, right?
It all started with a positive ovulation test on Monday morning. I had suspected it was going to be that day, and had warned my boss on Friday that I may need a long lunch break on Monday since we were back on financial track for doing the IUI procedure again. She was totally fine with it, saying, "you know we're all behind you on this."
I called and got an appointment, hung up, and started over-analyzing like I often do. This time, however, it was good that I did...When we did the procedure in November, the floater nurse had said, "you can collect at home, as long as you're here within an hour." Okay, well that would certainly be more comfortable for all involved and Conrad wouldn't have to break away from his project, but I had a gut feeling that an hour was quite long to wait if I wanted the little guys to be super mobile:) I called the secretary back, explained the situation and what the nurse had said, and she said,"oh no, you need to be here in at least 20 minutes." I'm glad I asked! We live 30 minutes away, so it would've probably been a dud IUI, a waste of time/pain/money. Anyway...I followed my heart, so Conrad and I headed up to Poky for our Valentine's date with Dr.C. and grumpy nurse (another floater...). So romantic, it all was...
So besides some MAJOR pain during the actual procedure, Monday went relatively well. I had to go back to work after our appointment, but only for a few hours. That night, we did what any 80-year-old couple would do on Valentine's night--wore our loose sweats (complete with a heated rice pack permanently attached to my lower abdomen), ate frozen pizza, and held hands while watching a movie:)
Tuesday went better during the procedure, but afterward was way more painful. And, even though it was my day off, we had a full afternoon/evening complete with meeting with our accountant and attending a dinner put on by an organization we are a part of that's tied to farming. I wished I would've brought a heating pad...
The rest of the week was better than November when we did the first IUI attempts, I just took it easy and didn't let my heated rice pack get out of my sight! Any prayers you could send my way this next little while would be greatly appreciated...if it's gonna work this month, implantation would be happening as we speak, and I'll know within about a week.
It all started with a positive ovulation test on Monday morning. I had suspected it was going to be that day, and had warned my boss on Friday that I may need a long lunch break on Monday since we were back on financial track for doing the IUI procedure again. She was totally fine with it, saying, "you know we're all behind you on this."
I called and got an appointment, hung up, and started over-analyzing like I often do. This time, however, it was good that I did...When we did the procedure in November, the floater nurse had said, "you can collect at home, as long as you're here within an hour." Okay, well that would certainly be more comfortable for all involved and Conrad wouldn't have to break away from his project, but I had a gut feeling that an hour was quite long to wait if I wanted the little guys to be super mobile:) I called the secretary back, explained the situation and what the nurse had said, and she said,"oh no, you need to be here in at least 20 minutes." I'm glad I asked! We live 30 minutes away, so it would've probably been a dud IUI, a waste of time/pain/money. Anyway...I followed my heart, so Conrad and I headed up to Poky for our Valentine's date with Dr.C. and grumpy nurse (another floater...). So romantic, it all was...
So besides some MAJOR pain during the actual procedure, Monday went relatively well. I had to go back to work after our appointment, but only for a few hours. That night, we did what any 80-year-old couple would do on Valentine's night--wore our loose sweats (complete with a heated rice pack permanently attached to my lower abdomen), ate frozen pizza, and held hands while watching a movie:)
Tuesday went better during the procedure, but afterward was way more painful. And, even though it was my day off, we had a full afternoon/evening complete with meeting with our accountant and attending a dinner put on by an organization we are a part of that's tied to farming. I wished I would've brought a heating pad...
The rest of the week was better than November when we did the first IUI attempts, I just took it easy and didn't let my heated rice pack get out of my sight! Any prayers you could send my way this next little while would be greatly appreciated...if it's gonna work this month, implantation would be happening as we speak, and I'll know within about a week.
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
Friday, February 11, 2011
A Break from the Cold--Tucson, February 2011
We just got back from luxury at the La Paloma Resort in Tucson, Arizona. It's set up against the Catalina Mountains and looks over the city, and is surrounded by a beautiful golf course set in natural desert habitat. It was definitely a place we wouldn't go on our own (SUPER expensive), but we *had* to because that's where the convention was and our way was mostly paid...darnit.
Conrad had quite a few meetings (we went for the American Sugarbeet Growers' Association annual conference), but we also had lots of time to relax. The 50* weather swing was much appreciated. Luckily, it warmed up more and more as our time went on in Arizona. A few days before we got there, they set records for coldest temperatures...the cacti weren't thrilled, in fact some were limp noodles:( 
We stayed at a 5-star resort, which was very nice. There was a super nice golf course, and Conrad made the most of it, playing 3 games of golf during the 4 full days we were there. One day, there was a Scramble for the conference attendees, and Conrad played on a team with his sister, dad, and a sweet lady we know from home. They did well, getting 3rd or 4th. Not too shabby on a difficult course and competing against a lot of teams! We enjoyed lots of great food, as well as laying out by the pool, and soaking in one of the three hottubs every night. We kind of got used to the luxury!!
Friday, February 04, 2011
Warm Weather, Here I Come!!
Conrad and I are heading to Tucson, AZ today. He is going because of an American Sugar Beet Convention, but I am going to get away from reality:) It's been in the low teens here, and Tucson is supposed to be in the low 70s...ahhhhhh. I might get online while I'm there if they have a business center (they should...it's a 5-star resort), but I may also be too busy soaking in the rays. Please say a quick prayer for Conrad and me, as we are both very sick with colds...violent coughing fits, chills, snot galore...it's a gnarly one. Thanks, all!
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
2 Margaritas to *Celebrate* our 3-Year Anniversary
The arrival of Aunt Flow yesterday marked the 3-year anniversary of Conrad and me trying to become parents. Thirty-six months that I've longed to have the hope of 1)seeing two lines on a pregnancy test, 2)feeling a baby move inside of me, and 3)seeing a sweet little face look up at me.
On Sunday, I had a hard time concentrating in church at first because I could feel the impending doom of AF's arrival (cramps for 3 days before she actually shows up, how nice...). It took a while for me to stop obsessing over the fact that if things had gone how Conrad and I had planned, we'd have a two-year-old (or a 1 year old, or a 1 month old...). Finally, I was able to get over myself and focus on God, and listen to the message on prayer. I'll blog more about that later...the series (which included a special speaker for 4 services) has been excellent.
Tonight, Conrad and I went to eat out with a gift card I got from work for Christmas. We had to go to the "big" city to drop off the rest of our financial information to our accountant and run a few errands, so we took the chance for a nice dinner out. We went before 6:00, so not only did they have a yummy specials menu, but they also had $2 margaritas. Well, better have two:) Just cuz I can. I was going to have Conrad take a commemorative anniversary picture of me with my drink, but of all the times to forget my camera! You'll just have to imagine it... It was a great date with my man.
On Sunday, I had a hard time concentrating in church at first because I could feel the impending doom of AF's arrival (cramps for 3 days before she actually shows up, how nice...). It took a while for me to stop obsessing over the fact that if things had gone how Conrad and I had planned, we'd have a two-year-old (or a 1 year old, or a 1 month old...). Finally, I was able to get over myself and focus on God, and listen to the message on prayer. I'll blog more about that later...the series (which included a special speaker for 4 services) has been excellent.
Tonight, Conrad and I went to eat out with a gift card I got from work for Christmas. We had to go to the "big" city to drop off the rest of our financial information to our accountant and run a few errands, so we took the chance for a nice dinner out. We went before 6:00, so not only did they have a yummy specials menu, but they also had $2 margaritas. Well, better have two:) Just cuz I can. I was going to have Conrad take a commemorative anniversary picture of me with my drink, but of all the times to forget my camera! You'll just have to imagine it... It was a great date with my man.
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