The cross before me, the world behind...
This song has been my theme song since Thursday night at Chi Alpha. I've been kinda down lately just thinking about the negative things in my life--Grandma Manske dying, mom's cancer issues, dad's legal issues (on top of seeing him continually struggle with depression, death of his mom, death of close friend 3 months ago, mom's stuff...). Frankly, it's draining the life out of me. But back to Thursday night...during this song, God showed me that it's not so much the cross before me and the world behind me as if it's not an issue, but the cross is right in front of me--so magnificent, illuminating, amazing--that the world behind the cross is blurry, unimportant, and almost irrelevant in the big scheme of things. The cross, the redeeming work of Jesus, as my main focus in life is what brings life, joy, and everything good God has in store for me. God continued to work in my life as we had a worship night on Friday, and God revealed even more to me about this vision from Chi Alpha. He showed me that not only is the "world" behind the cross circumstances in my life, but bitterness, lack of contentment, and self-focus, etc., etc. The cross covers ALL these things so I can have abundant life!!! As we sang the song about giving up our dreams, laying down our rights, and surrendering all to Him, it was all I could do not to break down weeping. I realized that it's been months since I've felt so overwhelmed by feeling a lack of desperation for God in my life. I've been so wrapped up in Adriane that I've lost focus on God and the plan He has. I left feeling so uplifted, as if I'd been saturated in God. Today at church, God continued with an awesome service. Everyone was so free, the presence of God was thick, and there was intense unity. I pray God continues to move in my life, my marriage, my family, in my friends, in XA, at River of Life, and in Pocatello. God is faithful! I hope all this made sense, it's kinda hard to express over the computer, but I tried:)