stay with me...
so i drove to work today as i typically do, stopping at walmart to do some stuff before work (i definitely recommend 7:30 am to do returns/any other shopping at walmart). i dreaded the week starting, paperwork, coming up with groups, errands--which i never seem to run out of--and basically feeling like i'd be okay with just staying in AF and going with conrad for the day. work started out normal. ate breakfast and read through the sunday paper and talked to the clients. the clients started playing bingo and i sat at the desk. all the sudden i heard a gasp and moan and looked up and one of the clients who's in a wheelchair was slumped back with client's head hanging over the back. the secretary looked up but then back at her work. it didn't look normal to me so i went over to the client and asked if they were okay. client couldn't answer me and was struggling to breathe. i rolled client out of the group room saying cheerfully, "let's go get some fresh air." i rolled client to the front of the building and started talking, saying client looked beautiful today, did client eat breakfast?, are you in pain? client couldn't respond, just kept gasping. the secretary came out with the phone and i said that i think we need to call 911. she did and they sent an ambulance. those 3-5 minutes or whatever seemed like an eternity and i was praying client didn't die in front of me. at one point client said to me bearly audibly "i don't feel good honey." my emotions were running rampant. it's amazing how attached you get. i just kept rubbing client's arm and saying, "stay with me, stay with me." her eyes rolled back and closed, but i kept talking and got client to respond. i kept telling client that help was on the way and client would nod. ambulance go there and asked a bunch of questions. i answered some, but got choked up and started crying. this was how my grandma manske was one of the last times i saw her--unaware of surroundings, couldn't talk. luckily the secretary and other social worker came out and answered more questions. tears were rolling out the clients face as they took client to the ambulance. we had to have a group session to process this with the other clients. thank you, God, that two master level SWs were there to lead that. after this, the day actually got better and turned into a good monday. in the afternoon, we learned client was being released and nothing had come back abnormal. i don't know what the heck happened then, but i literally felt like client was seconds from death when i was with client. i'm thinking maybe client was dehydrated? client came by afterward in van and i opened the door and when client saw me client go a big smile and said loud and clear "hi darling!" and grabbed my arm. client looked well and was excited to hear that bowling day is tomorrow. i'm so glad i have God in my life to help me through these emotional times. i have a note steph gave me a while ago in my work bag, and i read that about 5 times today, too:) it all turned out okay, though i still have flashbacks of grief for my grandma. i guess it's only been about 5 months ago, but it's still hard. and i found out thursday that our vacation to vancouver, wa was cancelled b/c my grandpa can't trust his health enough to buy a plane ticket months in advance. so, i'm thinking last summer was the last time i'll see my grandpa too--i was really counting on this trip to bring some closure with my grandma and with him, since his health is bad and minnesota is over $400 away. death sucks. not in the eternal aspect, but i think you all know what i mean...