moving in the snow and missing my clients...
yesterday was cold, but fun to move things in to our new home. i got most of the kitchen put away and made plans for the today and wednesday. today, not so fun. it's snowing, so everything on the pickup gets wet. we're to the point where we're done with the boxes that close and the totes with lids, so i'm praying the snow will let up and let us move!! since i'm overwhelmed, my emotions have also been in overdrive. i just LOVE that!! (heavy on the sarcasm). i got a christmas card from Candlewood today and i was thinking that it was nice for the secretary to sign "from Candlewood" and send a card my way. i opened it on the way to town and had to restrain, since i knew i was going to be in public soon. most of my clients also signed the card, writing things like "i miss you a lot", "i hope you'll come and visit if you have enough time", and "i am really missing you a lot, have a merry christmas and stay positive and optimistic." the last one was from a client who was quite engaged in group sessions and seemed to really hear what we were talking about. i'm glad this person remembers me as saying "be positive and optimistic". crazy that i don't really feel like i have a handle on this myself, but i definitely learned a lot to apply in my own life from my time and Candlewood. i miss my clients, i miss my co-workers, and i miss being a part of these peoples' lives. sometimes i wish i could be 2 places at once, 2 people at once, so i could experience the best of both worlds--career world and the homemaker world. up until the card today, i kept thinking i was just on a long vacation from work and kept my feelings to a minimum. now i realize that while i'm feeling like i'm on an extended vacation, my clients are missing me, and a part of my heart will always be with them. was i selfish to leave just before the holiday season?? i pray to God that i made the right decision and have to be settled that He has a plan. well, i better get out of the library and go get subway so i can get back on track with moving. it's snowing worse now than this morning!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 08, 2008
sunday night blues...
for the first time in a few years, i haven't had the sunday night blues!!! you know, the feeling the sunday is tainted by having to work on monday?...yeah, that. i do keep questioning my decision, however, and i need to let it go! it's done, it was God, and it's going to be a good thing.
i talked to someone today at the doctor's office (thanks for the plug, em and michel, barb was really good!) and she was willing to work through some stuff with me so my insurance won't know i'm talking "fertility" with her (heaven forbid they pay for something like that...). she ordered some "routine/preventative" blood tests to check my thyroid and something else(?can't remember?). told me to get a basal thermometer and do readings every morning and go back in little over a month, and if nothing's happened at that point, she'll put me on metformin to see if that will help me ovulate (i pray i can find a better insurance than the one i have now...and i don't want to have metformin on my "record" in case i do change instead of renew). if that doesn't work, then the next step is clomid, a fertility drug. i'm praying that we won't have to go any further than that. okay, God, i'm ready for you to work!! i know some people think it's weird i write this stuff here, but to be honest, i've gotta get it out somewhere and i need your prayers, please! physically and especially emotionally...
for the first time in a few years, i haven't had the sunday night blues!!! you know, the feeling the sunday is tainted by having to work on monday?...yeah, that. i do keep questioning my decision, however, and i need to let it go! it's done, it was God, and it's going to be a good thing.
i talked to someone today at the doctor's office (thanks for the plug, em and michel, barb was really good!) and she was willing to work through some stuff with me so my insurance won't know i'm talking "fertility" with her (heaven forbid they pay for something like that...). she ordered some "routine/preventative" blood tests to check my thyroid and something else(?can't remember?). told me to get a basal thermometer and do readings every morning and go back in little over a month, and if nothing's happened at that point, she'll put me on metformin to see if that will help me ovulate (i pray i can find a better insurance than the one i have now...and i don't want to have metformin on my "record" in case i do change instead of renew). if that doesn't work, then the next step is clomid, a fertility drug. i'm praying that we won't have to go any further than that. okay, God, i'm ready for you to work!! i know some people think it's weird i write this stuff here, but to be honest, i've gotta get it out somewhere and i need your prayers, please! physically and especially emotionally...
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Monday, December 01, 2008
"i have something i need to tell you all..."
i was dreading this moment all weekend, all morning at work. i went to bed with a headache (i probably get 1-2 headaches a year) and woke up with a stomachache. i headed to work, all the while praying that God would help me and prepare my clients. one of my co-workers walked in with a two quilts--one for a christmas drawing for the clients, and 1 for me...a soft baby-sized quilt with a giraffe on it. i'd pointed it out about a year ago when looking through a quilting magazine with her. she ordered the panel online and made the quilt for me:) i absolutely LOVE my co-workers and will miss them sooooo much when i'm gone. this precious baby quilt was a little rough on the emotions, as she and my other co-worker (who knew this quilt was coming...) know my desire to start a family and are eager to hear the words one day. i told my co-worker that i loved the quilt and will use it someday and she responded "i know". when 10:45 rolled around i started my group session on positive thinking, joy, and self-esteem. how fitting... when 11:43 rolled around, i started to feel a knot in my throat and stomach and everywhere else one seems to have nervous build-up in their body. i remembered the support i had in my husband and my wonderful friends (esp. thought about the posts you all left on saturday's blog) and that is seriously the only thing that kept my moving forward. as emotions rose, i spit out the words i'd been dreading, "i have something i need to tell you all. thursday is going to be my last day. most of you know my husband is a farmer, and we've decided that i'm going to stay home and help out more where i can." breathe................ i hate trying to talk when i'm emotional. my face is contorted, my chin quivers, and talk as loudly as possibly, though it comes out barely above a whisper. after the few gasps, i continued, "i really have loved working with you all. you are all wonderful people and i've learned a lot from you." a few clients came over to comfort me, some looked shocked, and the room was full of voices saying, "i'll miss you, adriane", "come and visit", "you sure have been a good teacher". however frustrating things have been in the past, it's truly been the people that have kept me there this long. i've seen potential, i've seen the most caring people one could ever see, and i've seen my clients as God sees them...worthwhile, valuable, and having a purpose. i pray i've spoken this into their lives as much as i was supposed to. throughout the day, i heard more affirmations that i have made a difference to my clients. one told me "you really are a good person. and you're beautiful. i hope you have fun on the farm." another said "i'm going to miss you...who's going to thread my needles?" yet another one told me on her way out, "i'm sure going to miss you, edwin. you've been awful good to me and taken care of me. i'm going to miss you a lot." i can honestly say that if i had to pick people to be on my "team" these people would be top on my list. thank you for your prayers for this situation. i'm glad the hardest part is over, now we can all deal with it through the week. thursday may be a little rough, but the way i look at it is: if i'm feeling this way about moving on from Candlewood, and my clients and co-workers are going to miss me, i must've been doing something right (God's grace!!!). God knew where i needed to be, how long i needed to be there, and He knows where i'm going.....
i was dreading this moment all weekend, all morning at work. i went to bed with a headache (i probably get 1-2 headaches a year) and woke up with a stomachache. i headed to work, all the while praying that God would help me and prepare my clients. one of my co-workers walked in with a two quilts--one for a christmas drawing for the clients, and 1 for me...a soft baby-sized quilt with a giraffe on it. i'd pointed it out about a year ago when looking through a quilting magazine with her. she ordered the panel online and made the quilt for me:) i absolutely LOVE my co-workers and will miss them sooooo much when i'm gone. this precious baby quilt was a little rough on the emotions, as she and my other co-worker (who knew this quilt was coming...) know my desire to start a family and are eager to hear the words one day. i told my co-worker that i loved the quilt and will use it someday and she responded "i know". when 10:45 rolled around i started my group session on positive thinking, joy, and self-esteem. how fitting... when 11:43 rolled around, i started to feel a knot in my throat and stomach and everywhere else one seems to have nervous build-up in their body. i remembered the support i had in my husband and my wonderful friends (esp. thought about the posts you all left on saturday's blog) and that is seriously the only thing that kept my moving forward. as emotions rose, i spit out the words i'd been dreading, "i have something i need to tell you all. thursday is going to be my last day. most of you know my husband is a farmer, and we've decided that i'm going to stay home and help out more where i can." breathe................ i hate trying to talk when i'm emotional. my face is contorted, my chin quivers, and talk as loudly as possibly, though it comes out barely above a whisper. after the few gasps, i continued, "i really have loved working with you all. you are all wonderful people and i've learned a lot from you." a few clients came over to comfort me, some looked shocked, and the room was full of voices saying, "i'll miss you, adriane", "come and visit", "you sure have been a good teacher". however frustrating things have been in the past, it's truly been the people that have kept me there this long. i've seen potential, i've seen the most caring people one could ever see, and i've seen my clients as God sees them...worthwhile, valuable, and having a purpose. i pray i've spoken this into their lives as much as i was supposed to. throughout the day, i heard more affirmations that i have made a difference to my clients. one told me "you really are a good person. and you're beautiful. i hope you have fun on the farm." another said "i'm going to miss you...who's going to thread my needles?" yet another one told me on her way out, "i'm sure going to miss you, edwin. you've been awful good to me and taken care of me. i'm going to miss you a lot." i can honestly say that if i had to pick people to be on my "team" these people would be top on my list. thank you for your prayers for this situation. i'm glad the hardest part is over, now we can all deal with it through the week. thursday may be a little rough, but the way i look at it is: if i'm feeling this way about moving on from Candlewood, and my clients and co-workers are going to miss me, i must've been doing something right (God's grace!!!). God knew where i needed to be, how long i needed to be there, and He knows where i'm going.....
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