nice people...
i've been impacted by some very nice people within the last few days...no, not people i already knew, though i know lots of them, but people i didn't know that touched my life...
1st--we bought a combine yesterday. yes, i stayed home from work so i could have a day to grieve and see conrad since he's been working a lot. we went and bought a combine. fun stuff. anyway...the guy we talked to about it (conrad had already done the homework, etc., so we were "sealing the deal") was sooooo nice. i left telling conrad that if the world had more people like john in the world, it would be a better place. he was excited to meet me and made me feel special. he said to conrad, "congratulations on a great marriage." he was very encouraging to conrad, telling him how smart he was in farming, how incredible it was for him to play college b-ball, etc., etc. yes, you may be thinking, well, yeah, you just paid him thousands of dollars, of course he's gonna be nice, but it wasn't like that at all. totally genuine. absolutely real. this is the kind of person i want to be. not that i don't try and be genuine, but that i look for, identify, and voice those things in others that are there, even if i may have to dig deep for some. he was so respectful of every person that was brought up in conversation that he and conrad mutually knew. i'm sitting here thinking when can we hang out with john again?! :)
2nd--i went to pick up a spray for the casket of my client this morning. we ordered it from L.D.'s. we had limited funds (pretty much what she had saved up at our Center) and he worked with us. they brought out the arrangement and i was instantly choked up...it was absolutely GORGEOUS!!! 2 star-gazer lillies, 2 orchids, roses, freesia, daisies, greenery, etc. my client would have LOVED these flowers. i can see her reaction now. he gave us a deal and said, "no person should have to leave the world without flowers." he said he threw in some extra roses, he called them old roses, but basically they were just already bloomed, and were pretty to me. i'm glad there are people in the world like L.D. who are willing to work with friends of a wonderful lady who had no family/money to give her a beautiful arrangement for her funeral.
3rd--because my client was a ward of the state, cremation was the plan. however, the funeral director in malad knew people who worked with my client and when he heard this, he donated a casket and a burial plot, as well as let us have the service in the chapel at his funeral home. he was so kind today as we arrived to pay our respects to this dear woman. he was personable as he directed the program and very humble. what a blessing!! my client would have been honored that so many people worked together to bless her. i'm sure Jesus let her peek down for a second and let her watch:)

grandpa manske...
one of the best grandpas ever. i treasure the time i got to spend with him and my last phone call with him when i got to hear his cute voice. today i wore the necklace i inherited from my grandma manske, a gold heart with a ruby (her favorite stone), because i needed something to help me through the day. grandpa died today. i am terribly sad, but happy that he no longer has to suffer and that he and my beautiful grandma can be together again. i'm not working tomorrow. i need a day to myself. my dad left for MN tonight at 6:30. please pray for safe travel and continued peace. you girls are the bomb diggity!! i love you all.

another prayer request from adriane: conrad's grandpa has an aneurysm (sp?) right by his heart and doctors won't operate because it's too risky being so close to the heart. this is extremely sudden. GOD, if ever we needed your peace, this would be the perfect week for it!!!

really don't know what to call this one...
so i have all sorts of things spinning through my head today. it's been a rough weekend. i'm thankful that i have some wonderful friends that hung out with me on friday night--subway and mario cart--a beautful night!! it helped get my mind off of negative stuff. saturday i had a knock-out drag-out with God while doing my beth moore bible study. it was a good thing. that day was about having God's peace. i realized that so many times i've wondered where it was and He waiting to give it to me in exchange for the things i hold on so tightly to. why is it so hard to let go of our crap?! today at church i got the same message during worship. then during the message. it's like we hold so tightly to our stuff that we don't have room to take in God's peace, joy, destiny for our lives, etc. i don't understand why it's so hard for me to give the bad for the good. i'm trying to let go. i guess realizing it's a problem is a good place to start. i hate when i don't wanna be at church. i didn't this morning at first, but God was speaking and used a friend to speak into my life, so i'm glad i went. whenever i'd get a bad attitude during worship and get mad at God for something dumb, He'd gently say, "aren't I still worthy, holy, etc., even when things aren't perfect?" yes, God, you are!!! okay, now i'm babbling. it's just that i don't have anyone to talk to about all this stuff, so i get it out when i can. okay, one more thing. as i think about my job, i think i can't do this, God, i don't know what i'm doing, why i'm there. why can't i have a job where i don't have to deal so intensely with people? why can't i avoid having to deal with this stuff? He reminded me that He put me there because I CAN do it with His strength. i am supposed to be working with people. God, i need more strength!!

p.s. please pray for me this week as i'm working...that i'd be able to be strong for my clients who are grieving and as we take them all to the funeral on wednesday. also, we got a call about an hour ago about my grandpa. he's been in the nursing home about a week or so now, and not doing well. today's really bad. his blood pressure is dropping and his temp is 94. my dad's planning on driving out tomorrow after inventory or tues. and my aunts are trying to find a quick flight from washington. please pray my grandpa would have peace.

life is precious...
today i had yet another reminder of how precious life is and how much impact one person can have on the world. we got news today that one of my clients had died. because i was at work, i did my best to hold it in, though inside i was hot, achy, etc. i shed a few tears, but saved the rest for when i called conrad after work and then came up to my parents' house and hugged my dad for a long while. let me just say, i love my dad's sensitivity and his willingness to stand in the driveway and cry with his daughter as she's grieving the loss of someone close to her. he said things like "she's so lucky you were in her life" "you were such a joy to her" etc., etc. i keep having little memories of her that make me smile, and choke up at the same time. like the fact that out of all the people at the center, she knew 3 peoples' names and mine was one of them. like the fact that she always wanted to get some black leather knee high boots, and once she got them, they were her pride and joy (in fact, she wanted to be buried in them). how she'd say a little prayer before lunch and then do the father, son, holy spirit sign with her hands (like most catholics). and many many more. i'm happy to say that i'm sure she's in heaven right now, dancing with Jesus in her black leather knee high boots, and NO wheelchair/oxygen!! although we knew this day was coming, it's still hard. i pray i made a positive impact on her life during the short 2 years i was with her. i know she impacted me. what a beautiful woman and what a wonderful heart. rest in peace.

lots of random thoughts...
so, i know i haven't written in a while. over a month, to be exact. yes, steph, myspace is much easier to talk on, though i don't bare so much of my soul:)

the holidays were fun overall, though christmas didn't have the greatest start. we found out that my grandpa manske had fallen a few days before my aunt got there and laid on the floor from early evening until the next morning at 7 am because he couldn't get up. after someone heard him kicking the door, they helped him, and he now has a handy "i've fallen and i can't get up" necklace. we also found out that he now qualifies for hospice. mind you, i found all this out 1/2 hr before going over to the in-laws for christmas dinner, so i had plenty think about. my dad just got back from visiting him. he said it was hard to see his dad so frail. in some ways, i'd like to see him again, but in other ways, i want to remember him like he was last time i saw him. is this selfish? it's hard for me to even talk to him on the phone because i get so emotional.

on a lighter note about the holidays...it was fun hanging out with pooh while she was home. i miss having her around...a lot. hopefully she'll be coming home over spring break or RaNae's wedding. i also hung out with josh and RaNae a lot, as well as...gasp...my husband!! i took the week between xmas and new years off, and told conrad i was getting used to not working. sometimes i wish i didn't have to, but overall i do like my job. sometimes, it'd just be nice to be home more. today i wanted to call in sick, but didn't. why do i always get sick on the weekends??

i don't really know what else to write about. all that comes to mind is the crap that i've been thinking about lately. why does the negative seem to be more easy to think of than the positive? hopefully this will get addressed in the Bible study i'm doing over the next 10 weeks called breaking free by beth moore. hopefully next time i write i'll be more focused. time to get ready for the gym, i wanna win a trip to hawaii (gold's gym is having a fitness contest for the next 12 weeks, so far i've done well for 4 1/4 days!).