i'm not that impressed...
these are the words of Dr. Heilman as she examined the lump in my breast. i guess some could be offended if someone said that about a body part, but i was happy. she seemed to have little worry about the lump. i told her "i wish you would've been the one to find it 4 months ago, he freaked me out." anyway, long story short, she wants me to get an ultrasound before she does a biopsy. i asked if it was urgent or if i could wait a few months to get finances in order, and she said 2 months would be fine. yeah God! thanks for your prayers and thanks for listening:)
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
should i be nervous?...
i have a biopsy scheduled on tuesday at 3:30. part of me--the most loud, repetitive part--keeps telling me i should be nervous and scared. what if the lump is cancerous? what if it's not and they still want to remove it (PA at health dept. said this was very likely)? where's the money going to come from? etc., etc. i think you all get the point. then at church today, the guy kept saying "God is able." okay. so i know this in my head, and a small part of me has gone back to this fact of God being able, but why is it so hard to totally let go of this issue and just let God be God? i keep thinking, God is able, but... WHY THE BUT????? i would like to get rid of the "but". *please pray for me this week, it's a huge weight on my mind and emotions. also, physically i'm counting on God to do something, so let it be so!!
i have a biopsy scheduled on tuesday at 3:30. part of me--the most loud, repetitive part--keeps telling me i should be nervous and scared. what if the lump is cancerous? what if it's not and they still want to remove it (PA at health dept. said this was very likely)? where's the money going to come from? etc., etc. i think you all get the point. then at church today, the guy kept saying "God is able." okay. so i know this in my head, and a small part of me has gone back to this fact of God being able, but why is it so hard to totally let go of this issue and just let God be God? i keep thinking, God is able, but... WHY THE BUT????? i would like to get rid of the "but". *please pray for me this week, it's a huge weight on my mind and emotions. also, physically i'm counting on God to do something, so let it be so!!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
counterfeits...
i'm going to venture to say that we have all dealt with counterfeits. due to recent events in my life, i've started thinking about this subject a lot...i think God's trying to get my attention. i journaled about it last night, even, something i haven't done for months because life's tended to be on the depressing side. but i'm wondering if anyone else can relate...
why is it so easy to settle for counterfeits? we do it all the time--despite your promises of love, satisfaction, fulfillment, contentment, joy, peace, etc.. help me, God, to take you at your word and not to search elsewhere!! why do we turn away what is REAL and settle for less--for the counterfeit. we're disillusioned. people offer help...God, you offer help...yet we are to caught up in our counterfeit--so comfortable, momentarily happy (not joyful, mind you)--that we continue to choose that route, hoping that our REAL friends, our REAL God will still be there when our counterfeit falters. God, help me to pursue the real deal. help me to be real. help me to speak truth to those caught in counterfeit's grip. you are faithful to do all these things. thank you for being real. for being truth. you alone bring satisfaction, REAL satisfaction--nothing/nobody else.
we can blame satan for these counterfeits. he is the one who brings the food, the relationship, the money, whatever the "drug of choice." but we're the one who continues to reach for it, and i think this turns the tables and makes us the one to blame. don't get me wrong, i believe in a forgiving God. however, when we are lazy and complacent, we can't just sit back and blame satan for our actions--or even blame God for not being there. these counterfeits DO hinder us coming into our destiny. we are hindering our freedom! sometimes (most of the time) freedom does not come without a fight, a sacrifice. what we don't see is that the fight (with a mighty God on our side) and sacrifice (small price to pay) are worth it! they are not in vain, but help us to fulfill the destiny God has for us. so often we're not willing to trade our own small thing in return for a HUGE DESTINY!! why do we give that up so easily?
i'm going to venture to say that we have all dealt with counterfeits. due to recent events in my life, i've started thinking about this subject a lot...i think God's trying to get my attention. i journaled about it last night, even, something i haven't done for months because life's tended to be on the depressing side. but i'm wondering if anyone else can relate...
why is it so easy to settle for counterfeits? we do it all the time--despite your promises of love, satisfaction, fulfillment, contentment, joy, peace, etc.. help me, God, to take you at your word and not to search elsewhere!! why do we turn away what is REAL and settle for less--for the counterfeit. we're disillusioned. people offer help...God, you offer help...yet we are to caught up in our counterfeit--so comfortable, momentarily happy (not joyful, mind you)--that we continue to choose that route, hoping that our REAL friends, our REAL God will still be there when our counterfeit falters. God, help me to pursue the real deal. help me to be real. help me to speak truth to those caught in counterfeit's grip. you are faithful to do all these things. thank you for being real. for being truth. you alone bring satisfaction, REAL satisfaction--nothing/nobody else.
we can blame satan for these counterfeits. he is the one who brings the food, the relationship, the money, whatever the "drug of choice." but we're the one who continues to reach for it, and i think this turns the tables and makes us the one to blame. don't get me wrong, i believe in a forgiving God. however, when we are lazy and complacent, we can't just sit back and blame satan for our actions--or even blame God for not being there. these counterfeits DO hinder us coming into our destiny. we are hindering our freedom! sometimes (most of the time) freedom does not come without a fight, a sacrifice. what we don't see is that the fight (with a mighty God on our side) and sacrifice (small price to pay) are worth it! they are not in vain, but help us to fulfill the destiny God has for us. so often we're not willing to trade our own small thing in return for a HUGE DESTINY!! why do we give that up so easily?
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