where do your eggs come from???
today i experienced something new. although every day is filled with new knowledge about farm-related things, and weeks usually contain at least one new experience, i have not yet had the pleasure of gathering eggs. although i have been indulging in farm-fresh eggs since conrad's grandma's chickens started laying this fall, i have never hand-picked them myself. today, since the rest of the family was gone, conrad asked if i would go with him to let the geese out and gather eggs. why not?? i felt brave as i stepped into the chicken coop. i didn't let the rooster's loud announcement of a stranger scare me off...no, i was on a mission. i quickly went over where the hens sit and grabbed an egg out of two separate compartments that did not have a mother hen sitting on them. i felt good about things. conrad gracefully reached under a sitting hen and pulled out 2 EGGS! a treasure!! a chicken who was randomly sitting on the "bunk beds" (that's what they're like...different compartments) flew by me screeching. conrad handed me the hot eggs and i added them to my recycled egg carton. then it was my turn to reach under a hen. it took me about 5 minutes to do it, and conrad wouldn't let me out of it, despite my pleading. i finally got up the courage, pulled my sweater sleeve over my hand in case she pecked, and wiggled my fingers to get her to shift her body up so i could grab the prize. this was awkward for all involved. after all this...no egg!! all this suspense and i got the chicken who hadn't yet laid her egg for the day...how rude! oh well, i got some farm-fresh eggs from the others today and have to say that it's fun to see the different eggs--some white, some not; some smooth-shelled, some wrinkly; some oval, some round. never the same egg twice! now i wanna know how the store has them all uniform...genetic engineering?? who knows?? i do wash my eggs before i use them...just because i know the whole process...but that's the least of it. all i know is...i like my eggs and i like that they're free, organic, and tasty!!

this book was EXCELLENT and is highly recommended to anyone in a situation similar to mine. when the cradle is empty:answering tough questions about infertility was written by john and sylvia van regenmorter, a christian couple who dealt with infertility, and gives great perspective from the female and male view. this afternoon i was thinking i'm done with the baby thing...whatever. it's so draining in every sense of the word. you feel emotions you never thought possible. physically you're drained. mentally overwhelmed. spiritually shaken. i could go on and on, but i won't.:) anyway...this book brought some normalcy to my current struggle and i very much appreciated it. although i feel very much alone right now in dealing with this, it was nice to read about others who've gone through the same thing and be assured that i'm not totally crazy (this may still be up for debate...). i'm glad i decided to finish it tonight, as it's very timely and i need God's strength to keep moving forward.

they're everywhere!!!....
everywhere i look, there are pregnant people. i work with one. they're at church. they're my close friends. they're strangers at target. i went to a continuing ed thing yesterday in IF and saw a girl and her hubby that have been at this same training for the 3 years i have. she was pregnant during the first one, had her baby with her for the second one, and was pregnant yesterday. seriously. i pray that one of these days i can BE one of these women. i also talked to a girl i graduated with yesterday and she told me they had adopted a baby because they couldn't get pregnant. they did it 3 years ago and want to have more kids, but just barely paid off the $28,000 bill from the first little guy. i pray that she and her husband will get pregnant (a miracle) or that they'd be blessed in finances!!! God, sometimes i just don't understand you...

but, i WILL trust you...

there's no other way i can deal...

tamales...
living in a town that's 60% hispanic (give or take), i have the benefit of having access to authentic, home-cooked mexican food. last week on thursday, i bought a dozen tamales from a woman who sells them to make money. my co-workers were raving about them, so i gave in. i went to the local grocery store to get some enchilada sauce to put over them, knowing i had cheese at home. i figured i'd follow my co-workers simple instructions for heating up tamales in a very yummy fashion. i was excited to try them and serve them to conrad:) i took about 5 out of the package and put them in a pan. i poured enchilada sauce over them and sprinkled them with cheese. after 10 minutes at 350 degrees, they smelled so good and looked like a masterpiece!

i served a few to conrad and before i could sit down, he said, "i think i'm going to need a knife."
i was like, "okay," and got him a knife.
he then said, "are you sure we're supposed to eat the whole thing?",
to which i responded, "yeah, i think so, no one told me different. it's just a corn husk."
he took a bite and quickly said, "whoa, honey, i don't think you're supposed to eat the outside."

once i started in on my own portion, i quickly realized that someone had failed to mention the minor detail of unwrapping the tamales BEFORE the toppings and BEFORE consumption!! i told my co-workers the next day and they laughed hard. good ice-breaker!! the next day i ate tacos and burritos with homemade tortillas...i ate too many, they were SO good. yeah for yummy mexican food!! however, i do need to limit my self so i don't get a mc-bellyache!!