God's timing IS perfect...
maybe if i keep repeating this to myself 1,000 times a day i'll start believing it.

a good couple of days...
after my self-proclaimed pity parties i've been having i thought i'd write some positive things down. mostly a reminder for MYSELF. i just got back from volunteering at the Idaho Food Bank. the person in charge seems like a great person and i'll have to say that it feels like a great accomplishment when you see the progress made in 2 hours. i am grateful that i have the ability to buy the food i want, the brands i want, and more than enough food. i am grateful to the people who help those who can't afford enough food for their families. i asked how the feeding the 5,000 went and roy said, "great! we got over 11,000 pounds of food and over $12,000." isn't that awesome!! all this to say, it's nice to focus on someone besides myself. especially right now. i'll probably go back sometime just because i can and it's good to help out the community where one can.

i got to catch up with an old friend yesterday. old in the sense that 1)we've been friends for close to 2 DECADES!! and 2) she's older than me (wink wink anjo), though only by 1 yr. and 2 months. we had a great time catching up...laughter, tears, the whole bit. she called me right after i got her b-day package and was going to call her. great minds think alike!! i think it's great that two people can have such a history and value your friendship, andrea, so much. can i just say, too, that i LOVE all my friends. God has blessed me with the absolute greatest friends ever. sometimes i can't believe it and don't even know if i deserve them all!!! God is so good to me. well, it's about time for bed so i can wake up and go to spinning and abs at 5:45. pretty excited!! thank you to all who read my blog and care about me:)

where i've been...
haven't written for awhile, partly because i don't have a lot of access to the internet (i did try to blog and post pics from the farm last week and blogger was malfunctioning...i stopped trying after 3 failed attempts). mostly though, it's because i don't like where i've been and don't want to drag you all down with me. life continues to frustrate me. i don't really understand all that's happening, or not happening for that matter. i do know that i pray A LOT, more than i can ever remember praying before. and nothing. i feel like i'm in a cloud of depression. monday night at the newberry's was the first time in two months that i've felt like myself. the last time was when i went to SLC with susan, steph, and pooh. i don't know what the deal is, but when you think about it, please pray for me:)

i do have to say that i have the BEST husband ever. he's so patient with me and i thank God every day for him. small example: monday morning (before i found out i had a flat and he had to fill up my tire) when we said goodbye he said "i can't wait until you don't have to work anymore and don't have to commute anymore." sometimes the love he shows me seems more than i deserve, more than i could've imagined in a husband. we are both eager to start a new season of life where i'm home more and where there's a little isaak involved:) hopefully it'll happen soon.

unwelcome visitor...
i don't think i've ever NOT wanted my period so badly. i actually almost cried today when "aunt flow" came to visit in walmart. not because of the cramps from hell either as i walked around with a client for 2 hours. i've been emotional lately as i obsess over wanting a baby so badly it hurts. i can barely talk about it aloud without choking up and stopping myself before i have a breakdown. sitting in a room with 3 pregnant girls on tuesday was almost torture. yes, i'm happy for people, however, struggling with my internal unrest about not getting pregnant in my time. that's where my problem is...i KNOW God has this in control, and i'm okay with it about 10% of the time. God, i need more faith!!! today on the way to work He reminded me of His faithfulness in past situations--awesome family and friends, AMAZING husband, His grace, His provision, and on and on and on... anyway, i need to go before i throw myself a huge pity party. please pray for me:)

k-love friends and family cruise...thanks, grandma and grandpa manske, love you forever!!!

1)getting ready to leave Port of Miami
2)our home away from home...1st stop, Key West!


1)warm chocolate melting cake, YUM!
2)no explanation needed:)

Dressed up for the Captain's dinner...just after Jeremey Camp!


we met Jeremy Camp and told him to come to Idaho sometime, very nice guy, plus, his wife's name is Adrienne...he and Conrad have good taste:)


1)just after snuba in Mexico
2)a cute little monkey in Playa del Carmen, it peed on pooh and careen, i was happy he was empty on me:)


1)waiting for mercyme to come on
2)every night we had an animal waiting for us


1)chillin' on the boat, last day at sea:(
2)Ft. Lauderdale beach soaking up some warm weather before returning to Idaho


this was what welcomed us back to SLC

we made so many amazing memories while on our vacation. it was a great getaway and a great step in the grieving process. i had tears rolling down my face as we were watching mercyme sing i can only imagine and it touched my heart to see my adorable dad getting as close as he could to the stages and just soaking in the music. grandma and grandpa were smiling on us, i just know it:)

i think i missed my calling...
i'm back! well, back from burley...i get to be on the internet again before i go, yippee!! i just wanted to give an update about my recent trip for the farm bureau young farmers and ranchers conference. first, let me just reiterate (sp?) the fact that God has a sense of humor. go back 6 years, or even fewer...who would've though adriane would've gone to/enjoyed and young farmers and ranchers conference? yeah, well, it's part of my life now:) it's weird and funny though... anyway. we got to go on a tour of mccain's potato plant and got to see how they process potatoes into french fries. it's crazy how much goes into it. this plant provides fries for chili's as well as for RED ROBIN!!! there was one room that stunk sooooooooooo bad i couldn't breathe for fear of dry heaving. i felt bad, but i couldn't help it. everytime i thought i'm going to be strong and would breathe out my nose i quickly plugged my nose and gave my self a don't do it pep talk. overall, it was cool. then we went to gossner's cheese factory. honestly, it kind of made me rethink eating cheese. parts of the process grossed my out. like when he talked about injecting the molds of milk with bacteria and putting it in a warm environment to encourage growth. yuck. however, the good part about the factory was the fact they make ice cream. there's a woman who works four 12 hour days a week making ice cream. why can't i do that?!? we got a sample of ice cream at the end and it was AMAZING. they got 1st place in idaho for best ice cream last year. i would love to be an ice cream taster...where do i sign up for that???

bon vonage...
the cruise is finally here (well, we leave sunday, but this is my last internet for 1 1/2 weeks). though it'll have some bittersweet moments because the reason we're going is because of the inheritance from my grandparents, it'll be fun to be WARM and hang out as a family. grandma and grandpa will be happy we're doing something fun. we'll actually be on the boat on the anniversary of grandpa's death (tuesday), and i think it's the perfect place to be. when mercyme sings "i can only imagine" there will definitely be some strong emotions, but i'm okay with that. i think it'll help with the grieving process for all of us. i will definitely have some stories when i get back and lots of pics that i'll post on myspace. hope you all stay warm and cozy...i'll try and soak up some sun for you:)

my favorite specimen...
conrad is my favorite specimen. yes, that's a weird thing to call your hubby, i know, but let me explain. the whole freak-out thing with the possible tumor, etc., turned out to be a false alarm. in a nutshell-----the doctor says that though he's never seen it in all his years of practice, the abnormality is normal for conrad. no, this doesn't mean he's going to pay the MRI bill (darnit!), however, he does want to take more pics of conrad's eyes so he can use them educationally with others who specialize in eyes. therefore, conrad has become a specimen. what an endearing term:) thanks for your prayers... now it's time to go spend the rest of my sunday afternoon with my favorite specimen:)

crazy day...
i keep thinking, i need to blog about this, or that, or something else but have been lazy, and i also attribute my lack of participation to no internet at my house. i am behind in the times!! anyway...this is blog-worthy and i am staying at my parents' tonight so i can take mom to follow-up visit in salt lake city tomorrow so i have access to the internet.

so it started out a normal day (don't they all?). i went to spinning before work and got to work at 8, expecting to leave around 4:30 and head to the chiro and then to pilates. conrad came to poky to do some errands, meet rod for lunch, and go to dentist and eye doctor. this is where the fun started. i got a call during the day from him and tried to call him back a few times. when we finally talked to each other, he told me that the walmart opto. made an emergency appointment with an opthamologist because "something doesn't look right". i wanted to go with him and gloria (my kindred-spirit co-worker) said "just go!" so i left and went to meet conrad at the hospital for the visit. in a nutshell, something looks "odd" for lack of a better term. the optical nerve is swollen, and he's worried because conrad's so young and "has a lot to lose" if something serious was wrong. the two doctors talked to us and wanted to get an MRI done. not tuesday morning when the imaging place had an opening, but TONIGHT! it's so crazy. he says it could just be how conrad was made (conrad hasn't been to eye doctor in probably 7-8 years, so this "odd-ness" could be normal for him...), or worst case-a tumor. okay, that's a scary word. we left that office to go eat at subway before our MRI appt. while we were eating, we started discussing the "worst case scenario". conrad says, "well, i can't die, or all the prophecies we got on sunday night were a lie." so matter of fact, my man is:) we got some amazing words spoken over us by darren lindley and the team, and i'm thinking that God wasn't lying!!! so we head to the MRI (yes, i bawled in subway before we left...public crying is NOT my favorite thing.). the secretary was mean. but the tech was nice. my dad came and sat with me for about the last 20 minutes while conrad was in there. he's so thoughtful like that...i didn't even know he was coming...just looked up from my fitness mag and he walked in carrying a powerade option to hydrate me:) the good news--they didn't see anything worth calling the on-call radiologist about and it will be looked at tomorrow a.m. please pray that we get more good news. i'd rather spend a lot of money on a "nothing to worry about" diagnosis than actually have something be wrong. i'm so in love with conrad and am so joyful everyday knowing i get to share my life with such an amazing man:) God totally blessed me beyond my wildest dreams.

cadbury eggs at Christmas...
okay, whoever thought of this....genius!!! well, actually, i have mixed feelings about it because although i LOVE cadbury eggs, i am able to have self control to buy a few at Easter time and call it good for the year. i fear they will soon start selling Independence Day cadbury eggs (which i'd have to eat in support of our independence, right?), or Halloween cadburys, etc., etc. i just finished eating one. yum. good way to get your chocolate fix for 5 grams of fat (not exactly sure on the sat. fat or carb. details...). walgreens, i love you for carrying my cadbury eggs!

quickly, before i head to the church for the Firestorm team, i do want to report an AWESOME vacation these past 2 weeks. i was off 13 days straight, starting Thanksgiving. i was with conrad 98% of those 13 days and i love being with him. i'll admit it...i cried on wednesday a.m. when i had to leave for work. i can't help myself. i didn't want to leave. i desire to be a housewife so bad, and to help on the farm. most of the women at the CHS New Leader's Institute farm with their husbands, and that's what i wanna do...nothing crazy, mind you! i can't wait for the day when i can stay close to home and see him more often throughout the week. i am so blessed that God gave me an amazing man and one that i fall more in love with daily. hope to see some more posts from you all soon (and i need to post more!!!)... it seems as though we've hit a lull:)

12 week challenge comes to an end...
i got weighed in today. the results were better than i expected, and the personal trainer was very impressed and said i was definitely in the running for one of the prizes (i wish i'd know soon, but won't until after thanksgiving...). here is how things came out:
lost 12 inches, 9.06 lbs. of fat, 4.9% bodyfat
gained .46 lbs. lean mass (muscle), health, satisfaction

all of my early mornings and grunting through spinning, pilates, etc. paid off!! the pt said that typically people lose .25 lb. of lean mass per 1 lb. of fat loss, so i must've done something right to actually gain lean mass. needless to say, i was happy when i went into work and now i just need to continue so i don't gain "holiday weight" :) i will let you know if i win one of the prizes, keep you fingers crossed:)

shooting stars...
are they overrated? in my opinion, NO!!! i have probably seen a handful in my lifetime, though twice in my life i can honestly say they were a sign to me that God was there. the first time was 5 years ago when conrad and i went to seattle to visit anjo and mark and we had gone up to canada for the day and we were on our way home. conrad was driving anjo's car and she and mark were asleep in the back seat. this was our first trip together and the first time we had seriously talked marriage. just over the border heading home, we were enjoying each other's company, talking every now and then. we both saw a shooting star right in front of us. it was definitely a moment:) last night on my drive home, i was thinking about where i was a year ago. it was exactly one year ago yesterday that i had the breast cancer scare that sent my life into a tailspin (or rather, added to the current tailspin). as i was driving home thinking about my plans to make my yearly appointment for today, i started getting emotional as i was brought back to all the emotions i dealt with a year ago. i started praying God, i need you there with me, i can't go in there by myself. next thing i knew, a huge shooting star went in front of my windshield and i felt like He said I'd be glad to come with you. i can't explain the peace i felt after that. i had my appointment today and things went well. we even got to discuss the fact that i'm "seeking pregnancy" (their term, not mine...). don't get too excited, it's not going to happen tomorrow:)

the finer things in life...
pooh came home from moscow with some yummy things for me... 1)chocolate covered sunflower seeds from WinCo bulk (yeah, where are these in Poky's WinCo bulk?) and 2)organic black bean dip from the co-op. YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY! yes, i love food, and pooh made my day when she gave me my present from her trip to moscow. so i have more to say about life, however, i'm in a hurry and promise that when i get internet on the farm (don't know when this will happen...), i will have more time to write!

what i learned from the personal trainer...
i had my 2nd of "2 free personal training sessions for all world gym members" today. i learned a few things i thought i would share. first of all, i need to eat more protein. i did know that you're supposed to pair a carb (be it a meal, snack, whatever) with a protein. i was using nuts with my apple sometimes, but PT suggested something more like string cheese, as nuts are fatty. she also said low impact aerobics--like biking, hiking, walking, horseback riding, etc.--are what burns fat...not spinning (although spinning is excellent cardio and burns hella calories). so i need to adjust my workout schedule, also so i can get 8 hours of sleep a night. she said this is important so body can recover and i've also read that sleep is when your hormones that control appetite and fullness. and here's a freebie for you all from my PT...coldstone puts shortening in their ice cream to keep it from melting fast and to make it richer.....anyone else feel like gagging right now?!

pigs in a blanket...
my name's adriane, i'm 24 years old, and i like pigs in a blanket. this is what was served for lunch today at work, along with mac and cheese. man, i love both those things. i am happy to report that i declined, despite much contemplation. instead, i grabbed my cheese ravioli lean cuisine. it was yummy. however, i watched everyone else eat their piggies and smelled them the rest of the day. after i lose my weight, maybe i will indulge. that will be a happy day:)

on a better note (something yummy that i could, and did, eat)... i ate with steph at pita pit on thursday, and on top of the wonderful company, was my vegetarian pita with hummus. YUMMY!!! i just recently discovered that i enjoy hummus. and thanks to pita pit's variety of veggies, it was tasty. spinach, sprouts, romaine lettuce, tomato, olives, pickles, and hummus, all rolled into a wheat pita (don't know if it was whole wheat, which would be the only downfall). i highly recommend it. i'm happy when i try something healthy that tastes good and that i crave (i want to go back to pita pit soon!!!). i ate pizza hut with the fam yesterday after church and had some major mcgurgles and mccramps (supersize me lingo) due to the grease. i prayed that God would remind me of these mcfeelings next time i wanted to eat unhealthy stuff. i didn't even eat that much, but whooie! andrea, i'm finally seeing what you've been talking about with making food choices based on how you know they make you feel. pita=energized, full, satisfied. pizza=bloated, nauseous, gassy (lucky conrad...) well, that's the latest update on my quest for a healthier lifestyle, thanks for tuning in:)

motivation...
hard to come by these days. i am doing okay on this whole eat right/exercise more thing, but could do better. today, i went to 5:45 a.m. spinning class with a teacher that isn't my favorite as she's not incredibly positive. it's amazing the difference the teacher makes, i had a bad attitude while i was there and was thinking that if i didn't eat so much, i wouldn't have to try so hard. the scale says i've lost 8 pounds since i started 3+ weeks ago. however, visually i don't see it and my clothes aren't getting any looser. this is depressing. i'm going to pilates tonight and a hike up city creek tomorrow, i think that'll put me in a better mood about things. i had a personal training session on monday night and she wants me to write down everything i eat until next wednesday a.m. when we meet again to see if i need to make any more changes. i keep telling myself to be patient, but it's hard. why can conrad lose a noticeable amount of weight while i'm gone for a week and i've been exercising faithfully for over a year and nothing?! i know, i know, men and women have different body chemistry, but still, is this really fair?? life isn't fair, patience is a virtue, right? this is what i keep trying to remind myself.

hope you like the pics from seattle...


trying out my photographic prowess at Snoqualmie Falls
the troll as seen on 10 things i hate about you...


view from Queen Anne area, another scene from 10 things...
me and the skyline




flowers at Pike's Place
chillin' down the road from Pike's Place


we took a rainy sunday afternoon drive to the J. Hendrix memorial...it was
a crazy, off-roading experience to say the least, we took the scenic route:)
um.... meditating under the Space Needle after paying my respects


more from Snoqualmie Falls... fun times:)

i'm baaaaack...
but not exactly all here. 3 1/2 hours sleep didn't quite do it for me last night. and i thought i'd have a 3 day weekend this weekend to get caught up from my vacation, but i have to work on friday now. argh. pooh and i had so much fun with our seattle friends. i have lots of great pics i'll have to post, but for now, all i can think about is letting you all know i made it home in one piece (minus one pair of workout capris i accidentally left) and how i need some sleep. as for an update on the 12 week challenge. not so good on vacation. i need to get back on track. let's do this, girls!!! (anjo, amanda and i all decided to get in SHAPE!!) hope everyone is doing well:) missed you:)

the 1st day of my 12-week challenge...
so i've almost comleted my first 24 hours of eating well and i went to a spinning class tonight. 1 day down, 11 weeks and 6 days to go. our gym is having this 12 week challenge where they take before/after measurements and then give 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place prizes for losing the most (most % body fat, weight, inches...all compared to your before, not the 500 lb guy who's in the contest also). 1st prize = $1,000 plus a bunch of other stuff. i want to win. not only because i would like the money (second and third have cash prizes as well), but because i want to get in shape. according to their chart, i'm borderline overweight and my body fat percentage is high. boo. i know i eat like crap sometimes. and i probably will have a challenge when pooh and i go to seattle for a week--vacation's a killer! but i want to be in better health. the health dept. gave me a fibrocystic breast diet after my scare and it's basically low fat, high fiber, low sugar, no caffeine. this should be motivation. so should wanting to fit into my clothes. i'm down to 2 pairs of pants and 4 shirts for work...not good. i want to be ready for a healthy pregnancy. i want to have healthy organs. i want to live a long time!!! all these positive, healthy reasons...vanity maybe only taking up 2% of my desire, which is different from in the past when i've wanted to (and accomplished) losing weight. i cried last night when i was talking to conrad about it because i hate the feeling of starting another "program" and giving up on it. i don't want it to be like that. he prayed the sweetest prayer over me, i love that man!!! so, for all of you out there that i enjoy eating with, and you all know who you are:)... don't let me eat crappy food when i'm with you. force carrots down my throat if you have to! i'm kidding, kind of. my sister and i are really bad for each other, and she's going to eat better with me and start exercising more too. God help us both!

pumpkin seeds and spinning... an overshare*
just a few deep thoughts while i try and decide if i'm going to brave winco before heading back home tonight. i just ate some barbequed pork tenderloin with my daddio. yummy! he's good at grillin'!! but back to my title...
pumpkin seeds are yummy and they are a snack with some nutritional benefits. imagine that, me liking something with nutritional benefits. anyway... today i forgot to get a protein bar out of my stash at work before leaving and so all i had to eat before spinning was 2 apple slices and some pumpkin seeds. sounds yummy, right? yeah, yummy going down. but we all know pumpkin seeds don't exactly go down smoothly due to the shell part. this becomes a problem when you're working your butt off on the bike and start getting a little nauseous (ummm...i can't spell tonight...) and they start working themselves back up your throat for the next hour. i know this may be an overshare, but please take it as more of a warning. do NOT eat pumpkin seeds before a hard workout!!
spinning is not normal. i've been trying to do it because it makes me work hard and i'm not getting any smaller. everytime i go, i leave soaked in sweat, mouth feeling like the sahara, and spend the next few days with a sore undercarriage, if you will. others have told me the latter of the side effects will decrease the more i do it. um, nope. and the fact that spinning makes me work so hard...good for my heart, but every other system in my body hates me! i try and act natural, like it's no biggie keeping up with the instructor who's 35 weeks pregnant. but inside i'm thinking how did i get myself into this? but then i'm there again. maybe there is some sort of addictive behavior involved (though people who've told me spinning was addicting i used to classify as 'mentally ill'). who knows? anyway, here are my deep thoughts of the day. and about the overshare...i warned you:) and, it could've been worse:)